I have no friends.

[Cognizant]

Mostly just posting this here to vent.
I'm nearly 21 and I'm already stuck in my life.

At one point, I had a really great job that paid me well and cool friends that I interacted with. I would go out and explore the world. I had aspirations to design something that could change the world. I even had a boyfriend that I thought I loved.

Isn't it funny how you think you're in the prime of your life and then all of a sudden it comes crashing down?

I don't consider myself a boring person - people like to talk to me. But why is it so damn hard for me to make friends if that's the case? Why is it that in adulthood, that people ignore you? Exclude you? Don't bother with you while they go out having the time of their lives and you're stuck at home...alone? Why do the plans I look forward to always fall through?
My replacement job is a joke. I can't make friends that way. Community college is dead. Nobody I match with on Tinder messages me back or they reply like I'm bothering them by hitting them up.
Yet my psychiatrist and "friends" keep telling me to keep trying, that things will get better. That you have to give people a chance. That one day, I'll do something amazing and they'll all regret not talking to me.
All I fucking do is try and yet, I still fall empty handed. By everyone. The "friends" i have now are fucking pricks and wouldn't give a damn if I killed myself.
How the fuck does "it get better" if I've been trying for the past 3 years to make things "better" and it hasn't improved one bit?!

They say suicide is selfish. I disagree. It's the opposite of selfish if the only reason you haven't killed yourself is because you know it'll hurt others feelings. Well fuck other people. We all die alone anyways. People are ungrateful, useless, pitiful bags of organs that destroy our planet and resources.
Maybe the reason I don't have friends is because of my cynical views on life. But after living with major anxiety and depression for -years- and not having people stick by your side, you slowly begin to hate people. But I hate loneliness even more.

So I'm stuck, and I haven't even passed by 21st birthday.


Fuck everyone.

[Tim the Enchanter]

Oh dang.

[rioo]

calm down buddy. I think all people also facing this problem in general. I will give you one simple trick, so friendship is all about giving and receiving. Do your best to make someone happy and you will receive the same thing from others.

[Jonnosaur]

Awwwww poor guy :(

I'm here if you wanna talk :)

[ska8er]

Maybe ur lonely because ur interests r
limited. Join a club or a gym-volunteer ur
time in support of something. Make urself
known. U will have more things to do and
u will meet a lot more people. Having new
interests u will forget bout ur loneliness.

[jamie_n5]

Well if you talk to friends or potential friends the way you did to us on here and be totally negative about life and living then I can see why no one wants to be around you. When you suffer from depression it is so much easier to be negative and look down on everything. You need to take your doctor's and friends advice and keep trying and try to be positive and look for good in life instead of bad. I do now as much as I can. I suffer from depression too and am in constant pain but I look through all of that and am happy and do well most of the time. Sure I have some really bad down days but I think we all do. Hang in there man.

[Cognizant]

There's something physically wrong with me. There has to be a chemical imbalance or something. I get panic attacks daily.

Normal people don't wake up furious and screaming and crying and feeling like I'm about to faint. I almost went to the hospital this morning, but my psychiatrist was able to book me an appointment for ASAP.

[Ethan19]

Your cynical views on life are not the reason, it'd be your mannerisms and your persona. If you really have mental disorders of that severity a lot of people are deterred because they don't know what to do. You should first get help for what you have and then once you have a stronger grip move forward.

[SurpremeLeader]

Go get some hobbies. Friendships is a bit like a walled city, Open one gate and the rest comes pouring in

[Billy1212]

Try joining a club sports team, example cricket

[SethfromMI]

There's something physically wrong with me. There has to be a chemical imbalance or something. I get panic attacks daily.

Normal people don't wake up furious and screaming and crying and feeling like I'm about to faint. I almost went to the hospital this morning, but my psychiatrist was able to book me an appointment for ASAP.

I understand you have some conditions in which make you react in ways people normally wouldn't. Conditions in which you have little control over. You have to understand though, many people don't know what to do or how to be around people who are like that. Even though it is not your fault for having said conditions and even if they know it is not your fault, most people don't want to be around with people who are just going to fly off the handle, go berserk, or talk to them the way you did in this thread. Like what jamie_n5 was telling you. I know I would not want to around those people a whole lot if I didn't have to. Not to be mean or rude to them, but I wouldn't want to spend a lot of my time with someone who was going to be belligerent to me most of the time, even if they were not able to control it.

I don't know how much control you have or not. Look for constructive ways to vent your anger. I don't mind having a friend vent to me when they need to every now and then, but if it is 100% of the time or even the majority of the time that is when it becomes an issue. Maybe try to branch off in activities or join a club like many people were saying, but above all, just try to monitor what you say and how you act around people the best you can. Again, with what you have, maybe I am asking the impossible, but the fact is, right or wrong, if you have no control over it, there are going to be a number of people who just are not going to be able to cope with that on any sort of a regular basis.