Cats123
January 31st, 2018, 11:07 PM
I’m a 17 year old male but I feel trapped in the body and mind of a 14 year old. When I was 13 I was 5’6” tall, and then when I was 14 I was 5’6” tall. Now I am 5’8.5” tall but im still 4 inches below my predicted adult height. Throughout my childhood I was consistently in the 75-80 percentile of height, which coincides perfectly with my predicted adult height- However at age 13 my growth just went to a halt as seen in my medical records. A few things happened at age 13 that could be the reason for my growth to just have stopped. On my literal 13th birthday I remember saying to myself- “I am done growing”. From ages 12-13 I had grown 4 inches, so I’m not sure why I thought I was donw growing but I guess I was right. Also at age 13.4 I became a vegetarian for a year, and had very little protein in my diet- though I did eat a fair amount of yogurt- I fear that protein deficiency may have halted my growth. I continued maturing in other ways, but I stopped growing taller at age 13. From age 13-14 I gained a bit of weight without getting taller so from age 14-15 I would go on ocasional fasts to loose the weight. I don’t think the fasting at age 14 stunted my growth because i would do it every once in a while for a day or two at a time, not constantly, and I did it because I wasn’t growing in the first place and wanted to loose some weight. It depresses the hell out of me looking back and seeing me starving myself at a time where I should be growing. I’m 5’8.5” now and 4 inches below my predicted height, friends I had that were shorter than me for all my childhood are now 1 or 2 inches taller than me. I feel like I am a corpse- and that I killed myself by making poor choices when I was 13- by being a vegetarian and by being an emotional wreck. The worst part is, I didn’t become a vegetarian because I cared for the animals- I did it because I thought that meat was bad for you and plants were healthier. So now I am below the average height of a male in the U.S. and it is entirely my fault. This makes me so depressed it makes me feel like i can never accomplish anything anymore because I’ll forever be a malnourished 14 year old. I’m never going to kill myself, but I really want to die. I was a perfect child, I looked great, but then I had to screw up at age 13- right before I could become a man. I used to dream at night when I was a child and dream of the man I would become some day- but now I can never be the man I dreamt of being. I was so close too, If I had just waited 1 year before becoming a vegetarian I probably wouldn’t be in this situation. I try not to care about my height, but when I see people and talk to them they’re always looking down on me I can’t help but notice it. I can never be a man- I’m only fucking 17 and I feel like i’m 70. I used to be good looking for my age and now I look basically the same I did when I was 13, even worse.