DiamondsGirl
March 8th, 2014, 02:14 AM
I'm sure you hear this every day from a thousand different people, but I don't like living with my family. Over the years, I've learned to tolerate and understand them a little bit but I can not forgive them still. I'm leaving for college very soon. A part of me says: "This is it, this is your chance! Go and never come back! Cut off any contact!" but another part of me says: "These are the people who fed you and paid for your stuffs for eighteen years. Have some respect!". Which side do you think I should listen to?
My mom is a cruelly judgmental person. I know this is weird to say but she is also not exactly mature. She throws a tantrum every now and then if somebody dared to insult her, even when we only meant it as a joke. She likes to badmouth people including those she doesn't even know (movie stars, singers, etc). But what bothers me most is the fact that she always makes me feel ugly. She would repeat over and over every day how fat I am, how bad-looking my skin is, etc. She is also very controlling. She sends me to facial treatment centers, buys me creams/lotions etc basically do things to 'fix' me. I know she meant well, but the fact that she goes to great lengths trying to fix my appearance makes me feel broken. Sometimes I even think I'm nothing but a Barbie doll to her. She can be nice at times, but mostly she annoys me a lot.
My dad is another case... He's a smart, hard-working, confident person. Too confident, in fact. It seems like he believes he can read my mind. If I did something different from what he wants me to do/believes I would do, he'd make rude jokes about me or laugh directly at my face. If I flunked math test, he'd tell me what I should and shouldn't do. Not asking what happened or what my problem is. When I chose my university major which is education, he said I must be drunk for choosing such a low-paying job. He also laughed, which makes me uncomfortable because it feels like I'm being mocked. He is the kind of person that breaks you down mentally by either making rude jokes or extreme intimidation. He's the reason why I have a mini phobia of loud voices. Rather than hating him, I fear him deep into my bones. I don't like being near him at all.
Last one: my little brother is the crown prince of the family. He is an impulsive, cocky mister know-it-all. My parents get him anything he wants even if it costs them thousands of dollars. In fact I could bet money if he wants a Lamborghini he'd get it within a week. I care about him because he's the only sibling I got and we always play together, but he can be seriously annoying especially when he has something he wants. He's obsessed with being a millionaire and sadly believes whatever he does he'd end up being one anyway. When I told the family I want to major in education, he asks me--in a rather derogatory manner--why would I choose to be poor when I have the chance to be rich. I don't think of that too much, but I lost it when he mocked our aunt who became a nun in France. He said she must be stupid because she's a Math genius and has the chance of working at my dad's company and make a lot of cash.
Now I believe I have made my family sound very bad... But there are also moments when they're not as bad. Sometimes I do feel for them (must be stressful being a parent..) and tell myself off for even thinking about cutting off contact with them, but some other times I simply had enough. These are the people that gave me years of depression and suicidal thoughts, plus a tinge of social anxiety and self-hate as a bonus. But on the other hand they are also people I grow up with, and I really don't need to be a worse person than I really am. Thoughts? Suggestions? Thank you for your time xx
My mom is a cruelly judgmental person. I know this is weird to say but she is also not exactly mature. She throws a tantrum every now and then if somebody dared to insult her, even when we only meant it as a joke. She likes to badmouth people including those she doesn't even know (movie stars, singers, etc). But what bothers me most is the fact that she always makes me feel ugly. She would repeat over and over every day how fat I am, how bad-looking my skin is, etc. She is also very controlling. She sends me to facial treatment centers, buys me creams/lotions etc basically do things to 'fix' me. I know she meant well, but the fact that she goes to great lengths trying to fix my appearance makes me feel broken. Sometimes I even think I'm nothing but a Barbie doll to her. She can be nice at times, but mostly she annoys me a lot.
My dad is another case... He's a smart, hard-working, confident person. Too confident, in fact. It seems like he believes he can read my mind. If I did something different from what he wants me to do/believes I would do, he'd make rude jokes about me or laugh directly at my face. If I flunked math test, he'd tell me what I should and shouldn't do. Not asking what happened or what my problem is. When I chose my university major which is education, he said I must be drunk for choosing such a low-paying job. He also laughed, which makes me uncomfortable because it feels like I'm being mocked. He is the kind of person that breaks you down mentally by either making rude jokes or extreme intimidation. He's the reason why I have a mini phobia of loud voices. Rather than hating him, I fear him deep into my bones. I don't like being near him at all.
Last one: my little brother is the crown prince of the family. He is an impulsive, cocky mister know-it-all. My parents get him anything he wants even if it costs them thousands of dollars. In fact I could bet money if he wants a Lamborghini he'd get it within a week. I care about him because he's the only sibling I got and we always play together, but he can be seriously annoying especially when he has something he wants. He's obsessed with being a millionaire and sadly believes whatever he does he'd end up being one anyway. When I told the family I want to major in education, he asks me--in a rather derogatory manner--why would I choose to be poor when I have the chance to be rich. I don't think of that too much, but I lost it when he mocked our aunt who became a nun in France. He said she must be stupid because she's a Math genius and has the chance of working at my dad's company and make a lot of cash.
Now I believe I have made my family sound very bad... But there are also moments when they're not as bad. Sometimes I do feel for them (must be stressful being a parent..) and tell myself off for even thinking about cutting off contact with them, but some other times I simply had enough. These are the people that gave me years of depression and suicidal thoughts, plus a tinge of social anxiety and self-hate as a bonus. But on the other hand they are also people I grow up with, and I really don't need to be a worse person than I really am. Thoughts? Suggestions? Thank you for your time xx