Don't want to see my father

[lifelies]

Hi there.
Long story short: my parents get divorced like 5 years ago and I hated my father ever since. But it got worse when he became alcoholic and started having mental health issues. He started abusing me psychologically, he almost killed me once when he was drunk (he drove me home while he was drunk).
I regularly live with my mother, but I have to go to his house every other weekend with his stupid wife. He's supposed to be fine now after going into rehab twice, but I'm traumatized and I can't really see him without remembering all what he did to me.
My mother knows, we have had three arguments about it and she refuses to let me stop seeing him because "you can't break a family" and "you will only have a father and you will regret loosing him."
I don't know what to do anymore, because if I just refuse to go she will get really mad at me because she won't have any more "free weekends" and she will stop giving me money and she will just treat me like shit. I'm afraid to loose my mother because I already lost my father.
What should I do? I really don't want to go anymore and I'm so sick of this. My father is the reason I started doing drugs and cutting and almost killed myself. I just can't live with the person who did all that damage to me. It's complicated because I have a great relationship with my mother right now and I just don't want to mess it up again.
I don't know what to do. Plus if I just act like my father doesn't exist, his parents (who I love) will hate me.
I don't know what to do/how to do it. Please help.

[JamesSuperBoy]

Your parents divorced - so how/why can your mother say "You cannot break a family".

However you go it will be a choice. for you and you alone.

[MechaSniper]

It should be your choise of if you want to go or not.

[Dalcourt]

I don't understand why your mother forces you, when she knows how much you suffer. I mean, you said you get along very well, right? So you should be able to openly talk about how much you hate seeing your Dad and how he traumatized you. Your grandparents, do they know how you feel about your Dad...I don't think they'd hate you if you don't go to see your Dad anymore.

If your mother knows about everything and just forces you to go there to have a free weekend that's rather mean, even if it's understandable that she wants a break, too. So maybe you could all sit together and discuss the whole thing, maybe you could visit your grandparents or stay over at a friend's place to give her a free weekend sometimes...

[radsniper]

my father has abused me most but not all was verbal and he lives away from us now but i still see him i look away as much as possible and try not to talk to him but i will never except him again i'm only forced when i need a ride but i won't need him pretty soon and that gives me some satisfaction

[LifeOfLove]

Okay, here's my view. Take it or leave it.
Your father is important. Yes, he has made mistakes. Yes, what he did was wrong. No, you cannot replace him.
Growing up my father raped me many times from ages 13-16. Eventually I got brave enough to do something about it, and now he's in prison. In addition to the rape I took tons of verbal and physical abuse from him, needless to say it was traumatizing. I still have issues with it. However he's my father, and although I will never forgive him for what he did, and I will never stop being angry I still go see him. I realize the role he plays in my life and it doesn't matter if I like it or not, he's my dad. That will never change, the only other thing that will never change is the past. Maybe one day there will be a reason to be less angry and forgive, and it is this hope that makes me keep contact.




It should be your choice to go see your dad or not. Even if it is your choice, I think that after a few months you'll realize that you still want to see him. Even if you think you hate him and being there, you'll realize that it isn't just about you, and that even through the shit he did and what pain he caused you he loves you. Deep down, I'm positive he matters to you too.