sexual harassment

[Max the Disenchanter]

there's a guy in my school who is convinced i'm gay and keeps hitting on me. i told him i'm not, but he won't back off.

it's only going to get worse now that i'm dating a transgender boy (he's still a girl physically).

i'm not interested in guys at all, but its not getting through to him and now he's spreading rumors about me.

i don't really care about the rumors as much as him sexually harassing me. he sits next to me in art class and whispers really inappropriate things when no one is near us. he also touches my leg with his leg every once in a while.

how do i get him to stop without turning it into a huge deal? i don't want to get an adult involved.

thanks

[TheMagicPotato]

You want to stop this? Get an adult involved.

If you already told him no, and he keeps doing that to you, then get help.

Don't throw punches, nor use violence, it won't help the situation to get better.

[PinkFloyd]

You're best bet is to tell an adult you trust. Of course, it's your choice whether or not you want to tell someone, but if you are, and I hope you will, a Teacher, school counsellor, coach, anyone like that that you trust will help. I'm a sexual assault victim. I didn't tell anyone, and I regret that.

[Fritz]

there's a guy in my school who is convinced i'm gay and keeps hitting on me. i told him i'm not, but he won't back off.

it's only going to get worse now that i'm dating a transgender boy (he's still a girl physically).

i'm not interested in guys at all, but its not getting through to him and now he's spreading rumors about me.

i don't really care about the rumors as much as him sexually harassing me. he sits next to me in art class and whispers really inappropriate things when no one is near us. he also touches my leg with his leg every once in a while.

how do i get him to stop without turning it into a huge deal? i don't want to get an adult involved.

thanks

Geez max, thought youd know what to do out of all of us. Strike him down, he'll shut up

[Max the Disenchanter]

Geez max, thought youd know what to do out of all of us. Strike him down, he'll shut up

yeah, i don't want to be known as the guy who beats up a gay guy for hitting on him.

[SethfromMI]

Geez max, thought youd know what to do out of all of us. Strike him down, he'll shut up

yes but then he could get in trouble as well even if the jerk deserves to be hit.

I know it may not be the most popular course of action to take among guys Max ( max02), but you could absolutely report him for sexual harassment. I can't promise what will happen, but if you have proof, he can get into some very serious trouble.

[Fritz]

yeah, i don't want to be known as the guy who beats up a gay guy for hitting on him.

Does it really matter if he's gay or not? All I see is a person that needs to ve taught to keep to himself. Its a black and white issue

[Max the Disenchanter]

yes but then he could get in trouble as well even if the jerk deserves to be hit.

I know it may not be the most popular course of action to take among guys Max ( max02), but you could absolutely report him for sexual harassment. I can't promise what will happen, but if you have proof, he can get into some very serious trouble.

i have texts from him... no idea how he got my number. but i don't want to ruin his life, so i'm not going to bring it to an adult.

[TheMagicPotato]

i have texts from... no idea how he got my number. but i don't want to ruin his life, so i'm not going to bring it to an adult.

Don't punch him, use that as a LAST RESORT.

Also... Just simply tell him (shout): NO. STOP. STOP. STOP.

That should help.

[Fritz]

Ok ok, you don't want to beat him up and you don't want to ruin his life by going to an adult. So maybe you should try to talk to him and really ask him why he keeps doing what he is doing despite you telling him to stop. Maybe you just need to talk it out, you can always threaten to do something, not that you neer to follow through right max02

[SethfromMI]

i have texts from... no idea how he got my number. but i don't want to ruin his life, so i'm not going to bring it to an adult.

I respect where you're coming from. I do. It shows how more mature you are compared to him. But and I don't say this to be mean or anything of the sort, but if you're not going to tell someone who can help there really is not much you can do. I agree with your decision not to use violence, even if he gets in trouble you can get into trouble as well. But your only other real option is to try to ignore it as best as possible. I know, I'm sorry that sucks hearing/reading that but there are only so many things you can do. I would say try talking to him again, but a guy like that, I don't think that would be the most productive course of action.
Fritz does bring up a great point. Maybe the threat you will report him might make him layoff, but again it can depend on the person. If you want to try talking to him go for it absolutely, I am just not sure how productive it will be with an individual who takes pleasure at harassing people.

[Max the Disenchanter]

Don't punch him, use that as a LAST RESORT.

Also... Just simply tell him (shout): NO. STOP. STOP. STOP.

That should help.

oh yeah that's smart. i'll just start shouting in art class and look like a lunatic lol

[TheMagicPotato]

any other great advice?

Vaccines don't cause autism.

Also, also. I think I got a little carried away. Just explain your position to him, and reject his mannerisms.

[SethfromMI]

oh yeah that's smart. i'll just starting shouting in art class and look like lunatic. any other great advice?

Max people are trying to help. You have every right to be upset, but you're getting upset at the wrong people. I realize the situation is frustrating for you. I know I would be. You're pissed. Hey, I would be too, I would. Despite my advice of not punching the guy, I would probably make the mistake of doing that. I am glad you see that is not the course of action to take. You don't want to report him, again a commendable decision and action which shows a level of maturity on your part. You don't want to embarrass him by loudly calling him out. I respect that too.

Please don't get mad at those who are trying to help you. Some valid options have been presented. If you don't think they are the right course for you to take, then that is your decision to make. But don't get mad because people are presenting you with options. We're just trying to help.

[jamie_n5]

I think that if it's in school this is happening go to a teacher or the principal and tell them. The tough part is that you say you are straight but are dating a transgender girl that is a boy in his mind. So by doing that does in fact make you appear to be gay. I wouldn't think your relationship would not be a good idea if you think you are going to change this transgender person into being straight. So really in fact you are dating a boy. Just think about it man.

[Just JT]

You got a smart phone right?
If you don’t like how he’s hitting on you and such why not record it and get a video of it
Then show it to him and tell him to stop

Kinda blackmail but hey if it works and you don’t use it to expose him otherwise....

[kro814]

Advice is to tell him that you are not interested and if he keeps it up you WILL tell an adult.

I have a question back. You are dating a transgender girl who is going to become a boy? Did I get that right?

Honestly I get very confused about that.

[hjhj]

Instead of yelling or telling an adult (thought telling someone would be the best way, I know you probably won't want to do it) you could stress that you want him to go away or try to shame him a bit in class for hitting on you.
I also think JT's idea is a good one to try.

[Max the Disenchanter]

Advice is to tell him that you are not interested and if he keeps it up you WILL tell an adult.

I have a question back. You are dating a transgender girl who is going to become a boy? Did I get that right?

Honestly I get very confused about that.

someone transitioning from a female to a male is a transgender man/boy. my boyfriend is a transboy. he's physically a girl because he's too young to get surgery.

[zzzzzzzzzz]

there's a guy in my school who is convinced i'm gay and keeps hitting on me. i told him i'm not, but he won't back off.

it's only going to get worse now that i'm dating a transgender boy (he's still a girl physically).

i'm not interested in guys at all, but its not getting through to him and now he's spreading rumors about me.

i don't really care about the rumors as much as him sexually harassing me. he sits next to me in art class and whispers really inappropriate things when no one is near us. he also touches my leg with his leg every once in a while.

how do i get him to stop without turning it into a huge deal? i don't want to get an adult involved.

thanks

Ask him to stop. If not, ask a teacher if you could get moved. You don't have to give that as a reason

[breaux]

Don't get an adult involved, trust me, it'll get worse

Ignore him, or find a way to get back at him

[kro814]

You are dating someone who is now a girl (all the girl parts) but wants to become a boy. We don't have any transgender kids in our school so I am confused.

But note that she/he wants to become a boy. Does she then want to date girls or boys?

[Max the Disenchanter]

You are dating someone who is now a girl (all the girl parts) but wants to become a boy. We don't have any transgender kids in our school so I am confused.

But note that she/he wants to become a boy. Does she then want to date girls or boys?

he's dating me so he obviously wants to date boys.

[Drewboyy]

i have texts from him... no idea how he got my number. but i don't want to ruin his life, so i'm not going to bring it to an adult.

That's really nice of you Max btw
-You could always just threaten to get an adult involved or threaten to hit him and hope he doesn't call your bluff

[Stronk Serb]

I solved this situation once by a classic punch in the face. Admittedly it was at a party, so it's a different situation, but get someone involved, if he persists call the cops on him. Do not punch him or something because he might scream "homophobe".

I am all for punishing this behaviour, be it directed on boys or girls. Besides, cops might not do anything serious to him, maybe just lecture him and his parents on manners and decency, but the thought of having a cop involved would scare me and make me back off, besides, you have ample proof that he has been harassing you.

[Alex669]

Hey max02, did that asshole stoped harassing you?

I understand why you don´t want to involve an adult in the situation. If he hasn´t stopped the best you could do is to talk with him face to face and tell him that he needs to stop (I guess you´ve already done that many times, but you should tell him calmly, yet firmly that he needs to stop because you are feeling harassed). If at this point he´s still harassing you I don´t think that ignoring him will work, plus I can only imagine how unconfortable you feel when he is bothering.

If all the things you´ve done haven´t worked you should speak with a teacher and tell him/her to please solve the situation quietly. He´s still a young boy, so people can understand he´s not making the best choices, but if you don´t make him stop now just imagine what he could do in some years.

[kro814]

So how did it work out Max?

[Axrow]

And you've mentioned that you are already dating someone?

[azurzg]

he also touches my leg with his leg every once in a while

Nobody should ever touch you if you do not want to be touched. I think you should tell a teacher (or another adult) he is touching you inappropriately.

Alternatively, you could give him one last warning that you are going to tell his parents and the teacher(s) he is touching you inappropriately.

[Max the Disenchanter]

So how did it work out Max?

I switched seats.

[TWDjacob]

Maybe threaten that you will tell the guidance councilor if he doesn't stop but if that doesn't work you may need to get them involved to make it stop even if it's awkward and you don't want to

[Harrier]

someone transitioning from a female to a male is a transgender man/boy. my boyfriend is a transboy. he's physically a girl because he's too young to get surgery.

I'd like to understand transgender dating better so I'm not so clueless. So you are a straight male. And your boyfriend plans to someday afford the surgery to physically transition from girl to man/boy. At that point you will be dating a boy in ALL ways (mentally AND physically). At that point won't you be two males dating and be considered gay?

[samuel15]

Yeah just tell him to back off and that
he is a disgusting creep. that should do
it. if that doen't work ask a adult for help

[Max the Disenchanter]

I'd like to understand transgender dating better so I'm not so clueless. So you are a straight male. And your boyfriend plans to someday afford the surgery to physically transition from girl to man/boy. At that point you will be dating a boy in ALL ways (mentally AND physically). At that point won't you be two males dating and be considered gay?

yeah but that's like 3-4 years away

[Harrier]

I'd like to understand transgender dating better so I'm not so clueless. So you are a straight male. And your boyfriend plans to someday afford the surgery to physically transition from girl to man/boy. At that point you will be dating a boy in ALL ways (mentally AND physically). At that point won't you be two males dating and be considered gay?

yeah but that's like 3-4 years away

Ya I'm sure it will take time. But I have it right? Even tho you will be two males dating you will consider yourself straight??? Why? Is it simply cuz your bf was born a girl???

[Max the Disenchanter]

Ya I'm sure it will take time. But I have it right? Even tho you will be two males dating you will consider yourself straight??? Why? Is it simply cuz your bf was born a girl???

probably not. i mean, if he has surgery and stops looking like a girl underneath, i'd probably wouldn't find him attractive.