Parents still enforce a strict bedtime and seem very controlling

[Jolts]

Hey there,

I don't know if I'm just being really close minded or if I am in the right but I've started to feel like crap lately because of how strict my parents are at bedtimes. I've had the same bedtime since 14 (am now 16 almost 17), 9:30 on a school night, 11 on a weekend/holiday.

So when I say strict bedtime I mean things like having to be in bed and lights out. No devices, no reading or drawing, no music and basically just me and my thoughts alone in the dark. My dad is very tech savvy and goes out of his way to turn off the wifi for me specifically at night. I feel like this is over the top and whenever I try to tell him that he'll yell at me telling me I still live under his roof and that he gets to make the rules, he even tells me straight to my face that he has no trust in me and that kind of hurts the most.
It's just felt like he wants to control and monitor my life and make my decisions. He's taken away administration rights on my main PC because he said he can't trust me. He and my step mum searches through my stuff on a regular basis and what ticked me off the most was that he reads my messenger conversations. I told him it was unfair and stupid and he had no rights to see what other people tell me, I have a lot of people tell me really personal things and it's just moral code to keep them private, right? Well he doesn't care, he just tells me that it's his right as my father and that it's his internet, his rules.

Am I just being unreasonable and am I coming off as whiny bigot or do I have a fair point? i'm guessing whiny bigot but hey, ya never know!!

[Fritz]

Hey there,

I don't know if I'm just being really close minded or if I am in the right but I've started to feel like crap lately because of how strict my parents are at bedtimes. I've had the same bedtime since 14 (am now 16 almost 17), 9:30 on a school night, 11 on a weekend/holiday.

So when I say strict bedtime I mean things like having to be in bed and lights out. No devices, no reading or drawing, no music and basically just me and my thoughts alone in the dark. My dad is very tech savvy and goes out of his way to turn off the wifi for me specifically at night. I feel like this is over the top and whenever I try to tell him that he'll yell at me telling me I still live under his roof and that he gets to make the rules, he even tells me straight to my face that he has no trust in me and that kind of hurts the most.
It's just felt like he wants to control and monitor my life and make my decisions. He's taken away administration rights on my main PC because he said he can't trust me. He and my step mum searches through my stuff on a regular basis and what ticked me off the most was that he reads my messenger conversations. I told him it was unfair and stupid and he had no rights to see what other people tell me, I have a lot of people tell me really personal things and it's just moral code to keep them private, right? Well he doesn't care, he just tells me that it's his right as my father and that it's his internet, his rules.

Am I just being unreasonable and am I coming off as whiny bigot or do I have a fair point? i'm guessing whiny bigot but hey, ya never know!!

Well I mean that kinda does seem over the top strict. you should just try to go through it without much thought, like he said, his house his rules, when you move out you can just mock him and say you dont have to follow his rules anymore

[Atlantis]

You would expect a parent of a 16 year old to be a little less strict than that, but as you say, it's his house so it's his rules. I don't find turning off the wifi/lights out to be entirely unreasonable, but I do agree with you that looking through your phone conversations is not fair on you as he's invading your privacy.

[Just JT]

Not sure why he can’t trust you tbh. Did you do something that causes him to not trust you?
I know I had worked through some trust shit with my parents a while back to and was a pain to regain their trust. I’ll never violate that again
At one time they monitored my online activity. And that sucked. Again, part of that trust issue
Just wondering if you got caught doing something they felt is unsafe?
Bedtime....do you typically fall asleep quick or does it take a while? What time do you get up in the am? If you get up early like I do most days I can see that especially if you don’t watch the time yourself responsibly like I don’t. I’ll need to be up for like 430-5 am and I e found myself on line reading or posting at low 1-2 am lol!!

But yeah sounds a little strict to me, but there’s another side we may not know about

Invasion of privacy? I’d say yeah. Took me almost a year to get them off my email and messengers. Had to convince my therapist first, then went to my dad

But he’s also right, his house, his rules

Good luck with that

[NewLeafsFan]

While I agree with you with the rules in your home being over the top and that your dad has created an unhealthy atmosphere without trust by borderline stalking you online. There is almost nothing that you can do. Depending on where you live or what your future holds, hopefully you will be moving away to college or university in the next couple of years.

[jamie_n5]

I think he is going a bit heavy on you. I know it's out of love for you but telling you that he has no trust in you is down right cruel. I would think that he should have built up trust in you by the way you do your best to follow his rules. I don't know exactly how you can get things to change other than continuing to talk to him and flat out ask him why he has no faith or trust in you. Ask him what you have done to be treated like a 10 year old instead of a young man of 17. I think you need to just keep trying to get more privileges and tell him you want to prove to him that you can be trusted.

[Sevun]

It is a bit much, but I think he means well. How tall are you now? You will definitely grow taller than most if you maximise your sleeping time. SLEEP IS IMPORTANT!
I don't think reading through your messages is fair because he is invading your privacy.

Maybe ask for another 30 minutes on weekdays and weekends if you want more a later bed time. Turning off WiFi seems reasonable, but just remember, when you're 30 and tall, you might want to thank your Dad. Who knows. Good luck buddy!

[andrea03]

wow that's a bit ridiculous. sue your parents!

[ImJulia]

Sounds like they need to let you grow up

[Bluegrass]

They are overly strict a boy your age should have some privacy and a more reasonable bedtime.These kind of parents make their kid want to move out quickly just to get away from them.

[tsman]

My parents were kinda that way but they’ve gotten better about it. Have you talked to them?

[Billy1212]

I would just tell them something like "would you like me going through your shit," or " stop reading my fucking messages" he sounds so strict, if you said that, what could he do that he hasn't done already. Or say that you need to learn how to manage yourself without them, for when your an adult. You can play the "it'll help me in the long run" and know it's truthful. Tell him to imagine how it would feel. Tell him that you NEED experience. These are all ideas btw. Suggestions

[Dalcourt]

Please don't post in threads with more than two months inactivity :locked: