anniversary is coming up and I feel like im losing it

[lonely love]

Um...well, on sunday itll be five years since I lost my dad. I suffer alot of guilt from that and it has caused depression. I...I self harm but havent done so for over a month. I was doing really well....but then...the date came up so fast and...today I found out that my best friend may have kidney failure and she wasnt even going to tell me. I knew something was wrong but she just avoided the topic and got mad when I tried to bring it up. I understand that thats her right, but it was a bit hypocritical because she had just bitched me out for not telling her about my depression/suicidal desires. But that wasnt the point of this.....because of evrything..im just fedling..really overwhelmed and my knife is looking very appealing right now. I just...I dont know what to do and im almost positive that im going to relapse sometime between now and sunday. Knowing that makes me feel so weak but....I don't know what to do about it.....im on anti-depressants and im a bit better than I was but.....it all just seems to hVe gone out the window this past week. I just....ive been feeling so alone and catch myself thinking really bad thoughts alot this week. Especially as it gets closer and closer to sunday......anything anyone wants to say may help....I just...kinda wanna know im not alone in all of this....that...maybe...others deal with depression and.....all this stuff......and...well I guess I just nedded to get all of the things floating in my head out....and since there really isnt anyone that I feel comfortable speaking to about this....I thought....that maybe id..tell u guys.....

[Tarannosaurus]

:hug: while I haven't lost someone close to me yet (although that will change in a couple of months), I see how hard it is for my friend who lost her older brother last year and I can only imagine what you're going through. Is there anyone that you trust enough to talk about this too? Talking really is one of the best cures.

[lonely love]

:hug: while I haven't lost someone close to me yet (although that will change in a couple of months), I see how hard it is for my friend who lost her older brother last year and I can only imagine what you're going through. Is there anyone that you trust enough to talk about this too? Talking really is one of the best cures.

Ah, I mean, talking is rather hard for me because alot of people just tell me that its wrong of me to think this way amd that I need to get over it because time heals all wounds. My mom normally avoids the subject of him, and my sister pretends she doesnt know what the date is so that she can avoid it all together. The only person that im really close to that remotely understands is an ocean away from me right now, busy with her life....so I cant really talk to her either......

[Tarannosaurus]

Ah, I mean, talking is rather hard for me because alot of people just tell me that its wrong of me to think this way amd that I need to get over it because time heals all wounds. My mom normally avoids the subject of him, and my sister pretends she doesnt know what the date is so that she can avoid it all together. The only person that im really close to that remotely understands is an ocean away from me right now, busy with her life....so I cant really talk to her either......

It is absolutely not wrong, please don't think that. I have that problem with my parents too, the 'if you avoid the problem it will go away' thing. I'm afraid it won't just magically disappear, as you probably know yourself. You have gone through a lot and you have to realise that you deserve to get help. Trust me, from personal experiences, that friend would much rather be helping you that you being miserable by yourself. Will you try talking to that friend?

[lonely love]

It is absolutely not wrong, please don't think that. I have that problem with my parents too, the 'if you avoid the problem it will go away' thing. I'm afraid it won't just magically disappear, as you probably know yourself. You have gone through a lot and you have to realise that you deserve to get help. Trust me, from personal experiences, that friend would much rather be helping you that you being miserable by yourself. Will you try talking to that friend?

...okay. yeah, ill see if I can get ahold of her....thanks.... :whoops:

[Tarannosaurus]

...okay. yeah, ill see if I can get ahold of her....thanks.... :whoops:

No problem :) and remember you can always come on VT if you feel like a rant :)

[lonely love]

No problem :) and remember you can always come on VT if you feel like a rant :)

That I deffinitly shall remember. :D