Dilemma

[JamesCam]

Tonight I had a call from my one of my oldest friends from where I lived until 18 months ago.. we met up again about 5 weeks ago. We had a great night, he met my boyfriend and it was just great..
Tonight he calls me and declares he’s gay , he’s always been gay .. he loves me he wants me to dump my bf for him..
I love him as a friend
But I can’t and wouldn’t dump my bf for him..
he’s gone over the top on the hate scales ..
my bf tells me to tell him to fuck off ..
but I don’t do hatred easy ..
I don’t want to lose a friend but don’t feel I have a choice
Any idea on how the hell I deal with this

[mick01]

Tell him what you just wrote. That you love him as a friend only and you're not dumping your bf for anyone, that your bf means too much to you. And it sounds like you live kinda far apart anyway so it would be tough to make a relationship work. And if your friend isn't seeing you much, his feelings will eventually fade away.

[Fritz]

Mick said the right things

[SeansLittleBro]

you were given an ultimatum obviously and a good friend wouldn't do that....you love your bf and he is your desire....yes you don't want to loose a friend but this may be your only option....

[SethfromMI]

Tonight I had a call from my one of my oldest friends from where I lived until 18 months ago.. we met up again about 5 weeks ago. We had a great night, he met my boyfriend and it was just great..
Tonight he calls me and declares he’s gay , he’s always been gay .. he loves me he wants me to dump my bf for him..
I love him as a friend
But I can’t and wouldn’t dump my bf for him..
he’s gone over the top on the hate scales ..
my bf tells me to tell him to fuck off ..
but I don’t do hatred easy ..
I don’t want to lose a friend but don’t feel I have a choice
Any idea on how the hell I deal with this

So is your friend giving you an ultimatum? be his bf or be nothing? It i wrong regardless of his reason to ask you to dump your bf but as my wonderful friend mick01 stated, remind him you will always love him as a friend but you love your bf and your not going to dump him just because he wants you too. If he can't handle that, it is on him. Do it as gently, but as firmly as possible.

[JamesCam]

I sent him a nice but firm txt explaining that I think as a friend he shouldn’t even put me in that position. That I still think of him as a really good friend but regardless of any relationship I’m in I wouldn’t want to date him for a number of reasons. The risk of losing a friend being one of them.
Thanks for your responses.. so far I haven’t heard back from him. So I’ll see how it goes. I’m just upset T the prospect of losing someone that was a good friend ..

[ImJulia]

He does not sound like a good friend. Tell him you are happy with your bf.

[NewLeafsFan]

Unfortunately, it is often very difficult for people to be friends when one likes the other in that way. Not only is it challenging for you to hang out with someone that seems determined to end your current relationship, but it is difficult for him to hang out with someone that he is interested in sexually without feeding any type of feelings that could lead to obsession.

My recommendation is to talk a huge step back in your friendship. He needs time and space to get over you. If you have any hope of salvaging this friendship, it isn't going to happen today. It might be several months or years until you can be close friends again and it may never happen. Sometimes, it may seem sad but it's often the way that life goes.

[FawksRunner]

Tell him about what you feel and that you see him as your good friend and it would be unfair for your bf if he gets dumped just because you returned.