I Hate Life I just want to end it

[Dark_Desires]

Sorry for the long rant and terrible grammar in advance

So were do i begin?

I have been having a full mental breakdown, I started cutting again,Doing it in different places and deeper and loads more.I have been suicidal for months.
Mostly because i lived with 2 Abusive family members who both drink a lot and
that has lead to me getting assaulted.That's over now and i'm mostly free of it but i still feel hopeless like i have nothing to live for.I spend all day in my room almost 7 days a week.I rarely go outside or to do things i need to.

Everything in the past week has just gone to shit.I told my Best friend who
i trust more than anyone i plan on killing myself in 138 days on my Birthday.
She was really upset but wanted to help me and was very supportive and cared.
Then i broke my promise to her and i cut after 2 years [i know what a waste].Then the next day i found out she tried to kill herself and i lost it was
pretty upset that i couldn't do more to be there for her so after she told me she kinda had a break down at me and we haven't spoken since.

That night i cut deeper than before and tried cutting my wrists but i couldn't.
I feel like i have lost the only person i could talk to.I don't trust anyone at all,I can't talk to my family or even my own mother.

I just feel like giving up,I don't want to live in such pain anymore.
I quit Both of my jobs and quit the sport i like,I'm depressed suicidal always anxious scared and terrified of people,
I do anything to avoid social contact.I hate myself and who i am how i look i have no self confidence

I think i'm losing it and i don't know what to do anymore or if i want to do anything or get help.
Pretty soon i will be all on my own for 2 weeks and all i can think about is if i do try and end it nobody will know or be able to save me but what do i care,
I have so many problems and i just screwed up with the only person i truly care for and trust and love.

Thanks if you could actually read all of that.I guess i just needed to let it out.

[Dalcourt]

Hey, please don't give up on yourself...it's okay to go through a breakdown and some crisis now and then but never ever give up. There's sure a lot of beauty in yourself and in your life so it's always worth to keep on going...

[radsniper]

don't give up just let your friend cool down a bit she'll come around

you can talk to me about anything anytime i'll always get back to you
no matter how i feel i wish you the best

[Dark_Desires]

Thanks tysci & radsniper, But things have kinda gotten worse.
I talked to her and she had another break down so i had to lie to her and say i'm fine and i'm going to be fine.
She doesn't know but after all that shes just not talking to me so i think things are pretty screwed up.

Everything other than that seems to be either getting worse or falling apart.
I honestly can't see the point in living anymore for so many reasons yet i just
can't seem to take the final action to end it.Only thing that has stopped me is
My Best Male friend coming over and making sure i'm okay.

[Dalcourt]

See, it looks like you have friends out there one who really seems to need you at the moment as she's also going through a bad time and another who really wants you to be okay cuz why else should he come over to you and watch over you?

So there are people in the world who care and also need you so you still have a reason to be in this world, right?

[NeuroTiger]

Life has ups and downs.
Everybody has undergone a mental break down in life; that's so normal.
The best way to get up, very often, it's a radical change in attitude.
Remember, everything is in the brain.

Avoiding social contact? Why? Because you think you are the only one apparently having those emotions?
Obviously, that's not the way to think. As teenagers, we tend to be complexed by certain situation. (P.S: I've said WE...you are not the only one going through this process)

Be the friend you want to have...that's the best way to "earn" a nice friend.
Remember, "birds of the same feathers flock together".
And if you want your life to be positive; think positive, talk positive, act positive.

I know it's really difficult at the beginning but remember that the "reward" is amazing and worthy ultimately.

My personal motto is "Believe is the key"
So I'll advise you to believe in yourself and I'm certain, if you managed to enrich yourself with positivity, your life is bound to be positive.

Feel free to PM...all the best ;)

[Dark_Desires]

See, it looks like you have friends out there one who really seems to need you at the moment as she's also going through a bad time and another who really wants you to be okay cuz why else should he come over to you and watch over you?

So there are people in the world who care and also need you so you still have a reason to be in this world, right?

Shes going through a hard time but i can't help but feel like i helped cause some of it.I hurt her by telling her it upset her.Thanks i guess there is a reason.

Life has ups and downs.
Everybody has undergone a mental break down in life; that's so normal.
The best way to get up, very often, it's a radical change in attitude.
Remember, everything is in the brain.

Avoiding social contact? Why? Because you think you are the only one apparently having those emotions?
Obviously, that's not the way to think. As teenagers, we tend to be complexed by certain situation. (P.S: I've said WE...you are not the only one going through this process)

Be the friend you want to have...that's the best way to "earn" a nice friend.
Remember, "birds of the same feathers flock together".
And if you want your life to be positive; think positive, talk positive, act positive.

I know it's really difficult at the beginning but remember that the "reward" is amazing and worthy ultimately.

My personal motto is "Believe is the key"
So I'll advise you to believe in yourself and I'm certain, if you managed to enrich yourself with positivity, your life is bound to be positive.

Feel free to PM...all the best ;)

I know i'm not the only one.I have tried been positive and been the friend i want to have but it doesn't work for me (Maybe it does for you and others) But i have tried really hard most of my Life.And Thanks i guess i can see your point.

[NeuroTiger]

I'm certain that you've tried hard. Probably you were really close to your goal when you gave up on that.
Why don't give it a try again.
Obviously, it's not overnight that you'll find the change.
It may takes days or even weeks.
But, it's really worthy.

[Karkat]

I'm certain that you've tried hard. Probably you were really close to your goal when you gave up on that.
Why don't give it a try again.
Obviously, it's not overnight that you'll find the change.
It may takes days or even weeks.
But, it's really worthy.

Agreed.

I personally can relate a lot to what you've said. (OP) I'm on medical leave from my job, and ever since I've been home (since Jan 20) I've just lost interest in everything. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I either waste my day on the computer, or I can't stand to touch it. I actually attempted suicide on the 27th (Feb). I've been doing a little better in the past couple of days, but it's still hard for me.

However, even every day that it's hard, I'm still thankful that I'm here. I feel like there's a reason I'm here, and I'm not going to waste it.

I wish you the best of luck.

[Dark_Desires]

Agreed.

I personally can relate a lot to what you've said. (OP) I'm on medical leave from my job, and ever since I've been home (since Jan 20) I've just lost interest in everything. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I either waste my day on the computer, or I can't stand to touch it. I actually attempted suicide on the 27th (Feb). I've been doing a little better in the past couple of days, but it's still hard for me.

However, even every day that it's hard, I'm still thankful that I'm here. I feel like there's a reason I'm here, and I'm not going to waste it.

I wish you the best of luck.

Its hard to find a reason for me been here when i feel so worthless and i really do hate myself.
But i'm starting to see one and my 2 Best Friends who actually know are been really helpful.Thanks Ren Best of Luck to you to.

[Karkat]

Its hard to find a reason for me been here when i feel so worthless and i really do hate myself.
But i'm starting to see one and my 2 Best Friends who actually know are been really helpful.Thanks Ren Best of Luck to you to.

That's good. Don't give that up.

Thanks to you as well. :)

[imthomas]

I tried to end my life and I botched it. It was horrible. Please don't do anything.