Jealousy

[yeehaw]

Ugh. I always feel really bad when I come to rant about my problems on here but I really kinda need advice.

I seem to be really, really protective of my girlfriend. And it means I get really jealous of all of her friends and stuff too and she really dislikes it. She dislikes the fact that I get mad when I'm not allowed to sleep in her house, and when I am it's on the opposite side of the house; yet her friends are allowed to sleep in her bed with her. She doesn't like it that I get really upset and moody when she's with other people because she takes hours to reply and it's usually a dead end answer. I really don't like the way she acts around other people and she knows I instantly go quiet and just shut off when we're with anyone else that I'm not really really close with and it makes her very frustrated that I do that... I'm very much a "two is company three is a crowd" person but she doesn't understand that either, any way I go about it will most likely instigate an argument.

One of my bug bearers recently is that me and her only see each other for an hour a week on one day where we walk home, and normally she's accompanied with one of her friends (that I don't really like at all) so I just don't talk, I might as well just walk home on my own.

Like at the moment the friend is staying at her house, most likely in the bed together (sarcastic lol) and like I don't know whether to freak out or not, and she literally barely spoke to me today. The only time we did is when we had an argument about it. I inside feel like I don't trust her and I really want to but it's just everything in the past has just told me to not trust anyone in the slightest so it means I'm always second guessing every word she says, an alternative meaning for everything she says or an alternative action for everything she does. It makes me so paranoid and there's nothing I can do about it.

I really don't know what to do? Like seriously? It gets me so upset and she always sees these friends especially more recently so like it feels like I'm just going to fall down the wayside?

[Just JT]

Can I be nosy and ask what kinda relationship you have that you only see her for 1 hour a day and other girls sleep in her bed with her when your sleeping over her house?

Sorry, it just sounds really imbalanced or something

[yeehaw]

Can I be nosy and ask what kinda relationship you have that you only see her for 1 hour a day and other girls sleep in her bed with her when your sleeping over her house?

Sorry, it just sounds really imbalanced or something

Oh yea, it does sound kinda weird.

We used to go to school together so we saw her 6 days a week and now we're barely able to see each other because she now goes to a post-16 college and I go to a sixth form. Plus I work both days at weekends, so that doesn't really contribute either.

I know her mum has a massive problem with me, because she won't let me sleep in the same room with her daughter and she doesn't trust me enough yet to sleep at my house. Yet all of her friends are allowed to sleep in her bed, no biggie. Kinda drives me insane. I've only slept at her house once since and I had to sleep in the spare room on the other side of the house.

[NewLeafsFan]

Your relationship is suffering because of your attitude and the lack of time you're spending together.

You need to get better in crowds. You will always have situations in your life where you will need to be in crowds so you mine as well start trying now. You might need to go to parties or something with a friend to help you out socially kinda like a meet new friends wing man.

The second problem, believe it or not is actually more complicated. If you can only spend an hr of time together per week your relationship will not last. First of all, ask her nicely to not invite friends along for that period of time. You need alone time with your girl. Second, find a way to rearrange your schedules so that you can meet up at least 3x a week. Don't just say that you can't. You need to and you can find a way. Consider it a must.

PM me soon and tell me how you've made it work. You NEED to do at least #2 or you mine as well call her to break up right now so she can enjoy her college years. Good luck. I really hope that you make it work.

[jamie_n5]

It sounds like a rocky relationship. Doesn't her mom know that she is a lesbian? I would feel odd too if an other guy was sleeping in bed with my bf . Have you talked about your feelings and problem with her mom? It is really tough to maintain a good sound relationship when you rarely see each other. My bf and I both work and it puts a bit of stress on seeing each other at times but we have gotten into sleeping at each others home every other night we switch and then on free time we are together as much as possible. This has helped us. You really need to have a long heart to heart talk with your gf and see if it will help. Good luck.

[yeehaw]

The second problem, believe it or not is actually more complicated. If you can only spend an hr of time together per week your relationship will not last. First of all, ask her nicely to not invite friends along for that period of time. You need alone time with your girl. Second, find a way to rearrange your schedules so that you can meet up at least 3x a week. Don't just say that you can't. You need to and you can find a way. Consider it a must.

Quick note: in college in the UK it's like the last 2 years of high school haha I only just realised this error

and I can physically say it's impossible. She's only able to see me for this hour on one day is because she goes to college Tuesday - Thursday and her mum works near my house on that Tuesday. I can't see her the rest of the week because I have a massive workload from school, I just can't sacrifice the 2 hours I would spend travelling on the bus to get to her house and back on the other days when I'm spending a lot of hours after school doing homework. I would be able to see her on Saturdays because her mum works but I am working always during this time, since I go to school Monday-Friday and I work both days of the weekend for 16 hours over the 2 days it's impossible for us to see each other.

It sounds like a rocky relationship. Doesn't her mom know that she is a lesbian? I would feel odd too if an other guy was sleeping in bed with my bf. Have you talked about your feelings and problem with her mom? It is really tough to maintain a good sound relationship when you rarely see each other. My bf and I both work and it puts a bit of stress on seeing each other at times but we have gotten into sleeping at each others home every other night we switch and then on free time we are together as much as possible. This has helped us. You really need to have a long heart to heart talk with your gf and see if it will help. Good luck.

Yeah, her mum knows but she hated it when her daughter came out, was threatening to throw her out, etc. I wasn't allowed to see her out of school for like 6 months plus. It wasn't until about 6-7 months until I could go round her house, and only 3 months ago until I was allowed to sleep at her house, but as I stated in the first post it's pointless since I always either have school or work which would mean I would have to leave very early. It would be awkward for this reason for us to sleep at our houses, considering her mum doesn't want her to sleep at my house. She tries to act like she likes me when I see her at work etc but I know she has a massive problem with me.

[NewLeafsFan]

and I can physically say it's impossible. She's only able to see me for this hour on one day is because she goes to college Tuesday - Thursday and her mum works near my house on that Tuesday. I can't see her the rest of the week because I have a massive workload from school, I just can't sacrifice the 2 hours I would spend travelling on the bus to get to her house and back on the other days when I'm spending a lot of hours after school doing homework. I would be able to see her on Saturdays because her mum works but I am working always during this time, since I go to school Monday-Friday and I work both days of the weekend for 16 hours over the 2 days it's impossible for us to see each other.

So what can you do to change the situation? You can look for a new job with hours that are more accommodating to your life to start off and I'm sure that if you searched through your daily life you would be able to find more changes that can be made. I didn't say that it would be easy.

I hope that you talk to her on the phone a lot because with the time you're spending together your relationship is over. Unless your banging her on the sidewalk on your hour walk home on Tuesday there is no physical side to the relationship either. I don't know what makes this a relationship and not just a really strained friendship. Continue working on your other issues.