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View Full Version : Want to ask this boy out, but...


veru
October 11th, 2017, 06:37 PM
tl;dr: Cute, fun friend could have a fwb with, but he's never been in a relationship before and I want to approach him carefully.

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Okay! So! First, some background information.
I'm 16, this kid's (let's call him... Bernard) 17, but he's grown up Mormon so he's lived a rather sheltered love life up until recently. He doesn't really follow the religion anymore, but that doesn't mean it hasn't influenced his character.
I've known him since 4th grade, and we've been good friends for the past few years.
Personally, I'm polyamorous, and I've had several SOs and with some I've been sexually active.

Secondly, to address the actual issue: I'm very interested in this Bernard fellow, but I don't know how to approach him for several reasons.

1. How I feel about him, myself. I get butterflies, I'm sexually attracted to him, but I still feel like we're just friends... I feel like a friends with benefits thing could be really fun with him, but...

2. because he's never been in a relationship, I don't know how he'd react to me just asking him on a date or opening the conversation about it all (like if he'd assume we'd be committed in some way afterwards). I know this is all about how I communicate to him, but I'm afraid due to his general inexperience that it wouldn't go over well.

3. The obvious fact that we're already good friends. I'm not too worried about this, as I tend to fall in love with my friends in general and have had to deal with all of this before, but its still worrying. He's a generally reserved dude, and I know that if I do this, I will have to be very careful about everything.

Does anybody have thoughts or advice? I'd greatly appreciate some!
Thanks,
Erin

lliam
October 11th, 2017, 07:15 PM
Asking him out doesn't necessarily mean that it must be a date. Since you are such good friends this shouldn't be difficult to arrange.

I suppose you are keen to get closer with him, which is why you think too much about what could get wrong if you make a one false move or such.

Just be more laid back and ask him out.

NewLeafsFan
October 12th, 2017, 02:04 AM
The butterflies in your stomach are trying desperately to tell you something. They're saying that going up to a guy raised with traditional Mormon values and suggesting that you become friends with benefits would be as welcomed as well as a skunk at an indoor party. Listen to those butterflies; they're very wise.

You don't seem to know what you want. The first step is deciding if you want to go out as a couple, becoming friends with benefits, or just remaining friends. You say that you've wanted to get involved with friends previously, how did that work out?

Finally, have realistic expectations of what the outcome will be. If you ask him to add benefits to what he provides as a friend he will probably be really insulted. If you remain friends, that's good too. If you ask him out he will be flattered but it could go in a good or bad direction. Good luck.

Uniquemind
October 12th, 2017, 02:20 AM
I would approach the situation delicately and definitely not as a friends with benefits thing either. I'd more or less approach the situation in a traditional monogamist partnership way, that may slowly lead up to sex, but is not the focus.

Guys, especially if your their first love, can be really delicate and you kinda have to take a gentle lead.