A Constant Third Wheel

[yeehaw]

Okay, so this is about my best friend and her relationship. I love her to pieces, we've been best friends for nearly 5 years now and even though we're as similar as chalk and cheese, we get on so well. Not even kidding, we are polar opposites. And most of the little quirks she has I can deal with.

But there's one thing that just annoys me and makes me grit my teeth: whenever I get to see her (we don't go to school together so I don't see her that often), 90% of the time her boyfriend will have to come and see us. Like, they plan it, and I don't know until like five minutes prior to him turning up. They see and speak to each other all the time regardless so I don't know why she always does this when they just get all close and couple-y, she knows it makes me feel so awkward. She knows it annoys me when she says she misses him when he didn't reply to her for a while when she sees him or speaks to him over the phone every day without fail. She's also aware that I'll only see my girlfriend once a month if even that because of school and work yet it still feels like she rubs it in my face that she sees him all the time.

And she goes on about him. All. The. Time. Everything she talks to me about has to be about him, and somehow she'll divert or close off a conversation I've started to talk about him. And she'll just go into too much detail and tell me everything when she knows it makes me uncomfortable.

Or another thing... there's been times when she's said she wants to go out, and I do agree to meet her but I'm in my pyjamas or home clothes or whatever so I go to get dressed and normally by the time I'm ready she says "Oh don't worry about it I'm going round to my bfs now!" or "Nevermind my bf is replying now I was just bored!" like that hurts so bad, man. I never do that for anyone else yet she still replaces me for him when I never go out to see anyone else. It just feels like I'm just the second choice when she has nothing else to do.

Is there anything I can do to help myself cope with this?? It makes me upset or angry a lot of the time so I hide it but she is genuinely happy and I love to see her happy so I don't want to get in her way or make a confrontation.

[Dalcourt]

It is quite tricky. I mean, I don't think your friend will notice if you don't tell her how you feel.
I had a similar situation with my best friend. I stayed quiet for long but it eventually got on my nerves and I told her. The outcome wasn't really pretty we had a huge argument so I'm rather hesitant advising you to tell her. On the other hand I don'treally think there's another solution than being honest about your feelings with her. What is the use of your friendship if you feel uncomfortable and awkward?

So wahrscheinlich sorry for not being able to offer better advice.

[jamie_n5]

Well you don't state your sex or anything about yourself on your profile. I am guessing by your name that you are a male. Your friend maybe is insecure about being alone with you maybe. She may have a crush on you and doesn't trust herself alone with you. If this isn't the case you are super close friends and she should know that nothing would happen. Otherwise the way she treats you is rude and horrible to say the least. If she doesn't want to be with or see you anymore she damn well better grow up and tell you. I see no explanation for her behavior. It is deliberate and it is just down right despicable. I think maybe it's time you ask her point blank what her problem is and why she is treating you so horribly. You have been kind and patient enough with her. It's about time she explains what is wrong and why she is acting the way she does with you. Tell her if she doesn't want you around anymore to be honest and tell you. You need to confront her now before she torments and hurts you any deeper.

[Hermes]

I think you have to tell her that she is simply not enjoyable company whilst she is completely blinkered and into her boyfriend. If she wants to spend time with you she owes you the courtesy and giving you her time and not being distracted. A couple + an extra never really works as a social group.

I think you need to tell her that you are not going to meet in a group of three any more. It has to be either you and her, or a larger group (for example five or more). If she meets you and then he turns up make a point of immediately leaving. If she keeps doing that just refuse to meet and say for her to call you if and when she has split up with him, that you will be there for her as a friend but in the meantime she is just not fun to be with.

[Just JT]

Seems to me you guys are not only growing up, but also finding some things that may be conflicting g in your relationship. Whatever that means for you guys.

Maybe try and give them some space, and also spread your own wings and not hang so much in the wind of her sails.

If/when she might ask what's up, be brutally, lovingly, honest