death-metal
March 4th, 2014, 12:11 AM
Before the past 6-7 months, I was this loner. Even though there were bunch of people who called me their "friend", I never really cared about them at all. I used to feel alone no matter how many people were around me. I tried socializing but I just couldn't feel any different. I had to force a smile on my face every time someone I knew told something funny even though I didn't find it funny. I was always sarcastic and sometimes rude as fuck. Whenever anyone (girls mostly) tried to be close to me, I somehow ended up making them upset and sometimes even cry, I don't know why...
So later I found this girl, who was the first one I never was rude to, and we became friends. She had a boyfriend who treated her like shit and whenever she needed someone I always tried being there for her. I just loved when she smiles. And somehow I fell for her. I became this nerdy, goofy guy around her and whenever she was around, I couldn't stop smiling. I finally thought I was saved. I never felt lonely and I thought I finally found someone who'd be there for me.
But before 2 weeks, she and her boyfriend officially broke up. Her boyfriend couldn't care less as his best mate is my cousin's boyfriend and I heard him talking about how her boyfriend (his mate) didn't even care about the break up and is now seeing this other girl.
But the girl blamed me for her break up, I just don't know why. She texted me about how I always wanted them to break up and now that they have, I must be happy now and how she hated me. I gave her some space and tried talking to her last saturday. She tried avoiding me (hint: seen-zone) and replied like she didn't have any interest at all. I left her alone that day.
Yesterday, I tried talking to her and as usual, she acted like she couldn't care less about me. I jokingly asked her to tell me, on a scale of 1-10, how much she's mad at me and she replied "112931278373-09093338383 and so on.."
After that she told me to leave her alone and never to talk to her ever again. I asked her what'd I do and why she was doing this and she said "I won't tell! I hate you!! Shut up and go to hell!". I felt so miserable then. I asked her if everything she told me were lies, I'll never leave you no matter what and how I was special to her and how she felt miserable when I was sad and she said "yes, so??".
I just couldn't think of anything. The past 2 weeks, I couldn't eat well...I hardly even smiled. Every thing reminded me of her. And since yesterday, I feel so miserable. I haven't slept well, don't want to wake up like ever... I just feel so sad, so very sad... I sometimes think of death but not to me...for some other people. I just feel so hopeless, so numb.
I just don't know what to do. I've starting to be the old me again and I just can't seem to divert my mind. I've tried cutting myself again... I haven't fell this sad, miserable, fucked in my whole life.
Sorry if it is long...I just wanted to get this load off me.
So later I found this girl, who was the first one I never was rude to, and we became friends. She had a boyfriend who treated her like shit and whenever she needed someone I always tried being there for her. I just loved when she smiles. And somehow I fell for her. I became this nerdy, goofy guy around her and whenever she was around, I couldn't stop smiling. I finally thought I was saved. I never felt lonely and I thought I finally found someone who'd be there for me.
But before 2 weeks, she and her boyfriend officially broke up. Her boyfriend couldn't care less as his best mate is my cousin's boyfriend and I heard him talking about how her boyfriend (his mate) didn't even care about the break up and is now seeing this other girl.
But the girl blamed me for her break up, I just don't know why. She texted me about how I always wanted them to break up and now that they have, I must be happy now and how she hated me. I gave her some space and tried talking to her last saturday. She tried avoiding me (hint: seen-zone) and replied like she didn't have any interest at all. I left her alone that day.
Yesterday, I tried talking to her and as usual, she acted like she couldn't care less about me. I jokingly asked her to tell me, on a scale of 1-10, how much she's mad at me and she replied "112931278373-09093338383 and so on.."
After that she told me to leave her alone and never to talk to her ever again. I asked her what'd I do and why she was doing this and she said "I won't tell! I hate you!! Shut up and go to hell!". I felt so miserable then. I asked her if everything she told me were lies, I'll never leave you no matter what and how I was special to her and how she felt miserable when I was sad and she said "yes, so??".
I just couldn't think of anything. The past 2 weeks, I couldn't eat well...I hardly even smiled. Every thing reminded me of her. And since yesterday, I feel so miserable. I haven't slept well, don't want to wake up like ever... I just feel so sad, so very sad... I sometimes think of death but not to me...for some other people. I just feel so hopeless, so numb.
I just don't know what to do. I've starting to be the old me again and I just can't seem to divert my mind. I've tried cutting myself again... I haven't fell this sad, miserable, fucked in my whole life.
Sorry if it is long...I just wanted to get this load off me.