Gay love with hateful conservative boy

[draketx]

This guy came to our school and I fell so hard for him. He was my best friend and I loved him more than life. All I could think about was him. He is straight and it pains me so much that I will never have him. We got in a fight over Christmas because he didn't pay much attention to me. He just retaliated and hasn't been talking to me. Then last week everyone at my school (very very conservative, small school affiliated with the fellowship of the Churches of Christ, a very conservative, literal Christian denomination) found out I was gay, and was in love with Grant (the guy) and he sent me rude messages about how everyone hates me even though I have so much support. The problem is I still love him. I love him so so much, and no matter how hard I try he won't leave my heart and I need advice from other people who have been through similar experience. Thanks for the support guys.

Content removed. ~Elysium

[jacobjb10]

It's kind of the same with me. I'm bisexual but I love this boy more than anything but he's straight and I asked him out about 8 months ago and he told everyone in my year. They were all asking me tones of questions and saying things behind my back for about a month. They all upset me but I can't stop thinking about this boy. Luckly me and him are freinds now and lots of them are ok with what hapened but I just can't get over how much I love him. ;)

[myfoodisnotshared]

This guy came to our school and I fell so hard for him. He was my best friend and I loved him more than life. All I could think about was him. He is straight and it pains me so much that I will never have him. We got in a fight over Christmas because he didn't pay much attention to me. He just retaliated and hasn't been talking to me. Then last week everyone at my school (very very conservative, small school affiliated with the fellowship of the Churches of Christ, a very conservative, literal Christian denomination) found out I was gay, and was in love with Grant (the guy) and he sent me rude messages about how everyone hates me even though I have so much support. The problem is I still love him. I love him so so much, and no matter how hard I try he won't leave my heart and I need advice from other people who have been through similar experience. Thanks for the support guys.

Content removed. ~Elysium

I'm bi and half in love with my straight best friend, so welcome to the club! I suppose you just have to soldier through it at school and wait for the gossip to die down, as much as it must suck at a school like yours. To be honest with you, he's not redeemable. Sure he's probably scared out of his wits, feels he has to reject you etc, but that doesn't make his behaviour okay. There are other non homophobic guys out there who are just as great to be friends with. I know it sucks, but if I were you, I'd just try to move on.

[backjruton]

I'm bi and half in love with my straight best friend, so welcome to the club!
I am also on the exact same page and it's starting to hurt me too but for a different reason. Everyone in my college group knows that I'm bi (/gay - still debating this in my head myself) and I would rather have a boyfriend than a girlfriend, and they don't judge me for it or anything. But yesterday when we were on the bus my best friend ended up kissing another girl on the lips (confusing events, don't ask how it happened XD) and once again today I mentioned it. Then this guy I am seriously attracted to asked me which boy I want to kiss in the class. Suddenly I got an erection and just walked away without telling him saying "Don't ask me that question because I don't want to disturb anyone". Luckily he didn't notice but he did see I was starting to act weirdly (more so than normal anyway, I always act strangely to people I'm friends with). I think he already has the feeling it's him I want to be with... I just love being made to feel like a kid, and the way he speaks to me does that. He was with his girlfriend later on and I walked past them, I said something and he said "Haha... gotta love Jack", obviously in a jokey way but all I said was "Yeah......" before walking away. This is because the same thing happened again, I have emotions I can't control and don't really want to control either. I was actually extremely close to telling him I love him but infront of his girlfriend, even though she's really nice and I like her too, I just couldn't bring myself to do it... :(

There are other non homophobic guys out there who are just as great to be friends with.
And this is also true because I'm good friends with a lot of people who know about me. Maybe it's just the fact they feel sorry for me because I'm autistic or something, this is what happened close to the end of school when I suddenly decided to tell everyone about it - even if it is, I'm glad it's started to help me make friends instead of push them away without meaning to. Even if not in school, you will find people who you will be good friends with that know about you. I first lied about my sexuality TO get people to like me, and then I realized these lies are the truth and I am bisexual, it's very clear because of how I feel emotionally. I always feel awkward when I'm talking to him and it's very clear to me why. There are also people online who you can talk to, and I wouldn't really say me in most cases because my social anxieties can get the better of me even on the internet and I'm not very good at talking to people even online, especially recently.

I would give you more input but I'm still going through this and my head is currently in a complete mess. It's not a very easy barrier to get past. I know most of how you feel anyway, except for the fact that luckily my family isn't religious so I never went to a religious school... :D

[ColinB]

Im not out at all and only a couple people know....it would suck to be outed before your ready. My school isnt bad about hatin on gays....I mean some jerks rag on them but all in all its not bad. I hate that for you bro....makes me sad to think someones going through that.....just remember they have the problem...not you.