Dimentio
August 1st, 2017, 02:23 PM
Long time no post on VT haha, but I'm at the point in life where I'm just at a loss right now and I'm hoping some insight can help :')
Some back story, my dad was physically violent and neglectful growing up as a kid and i painted my mum a saint as i thought she was, but not only did i learn she knew he was like this yet she kept sending us there, my mum is like a toxic poison, she was never physically violent and i was slow to realise this but she was destroying me from the inside and and killing me mentally, like the things I'm insecure about, why i have major trust issues and confidence issues, my depression and anxiety, it all stems from her
With that rather short sum up of serious issues out of the way, this has been going on for over 21 years now, i still live with my mum and co, removed my dad from my life for good, i don't have a job due to an assortment of mental/physical health issues and i don't have any friends in real life besides one, but i need to leave home haha
Home life has been bad for a while now, but it's only getting worse and worse, my sister is like a combination of my dad and my mum, but the three main culprites: My mum, her partner and my baby brother, so they think they're the only ones who live in this house as whenever we run out of food, which is often being a bigger family, i ask for some as food is a necessity and you need it to live, i get told we have no money and I'm having to scrape out scraps from the cupboards and fridge/freezer, just looking for anything i can find to get food out of, no exaggeration, yet my baby brother has his own food cupboard that is not only constantly full and restocked, not only is it name brand stuff, not only does it have a ton of variety, but yes, it's all for him, my mum also got an entirely new bedroom this past week, so we don't have money to buy me food, but yet for all of this we do?
Also with my family though, as you can see they can treat me like dirt, my mum has gone through my room countless times, without permission, chucking out whatever she wants, i never get anything, even necessities, they're constantly going for days out or to restaurants and never invite me, they are always quite horrible to me and speak to me in nasty ways, or only talk to me to complain about money issues, they just go out of their way to disrespect me, make me feel unwanted and like everything is my fault. Yet i can't talk to them about anything, if i even so much as think of complaining about something, I'm called vile, horrible, disrespectful, rude, nasty, pathetic, selfish, then i either get treated even worse or yes, abandoned for about a week. One final thing, we have a pet rabbit that has attacked the dogs, myself and my baby girl, my cat on countless ocassions, i keep pleading for it to be at least put in a run if it won't go to a new home, literally nothing is being done about it and I'm not having to make drastic measures that really upset me just to protect the other pets
I don't feel like I'm making this sound as bad as it is, but my only real friend in life Kirsty, she went from being polite about it to me to the point now where she says such vile things about my family in front of me (and rightly so, she says what i feel), and even sometimes I'm not allowed to mention them around her due to the rage it just ingites in her and she said it literally ruins her day thinking how I'm treated at home
So i urgently need to get out of here but i don't have any friends in real life besides Kirsty who i can't live with, so i have nothing in that sense, i have no source of income and won't be able to work any time soon with the state of my health, so that's also being scratched, also though i need my cat, I'm the only one who takes care of her, she has stopped me from killing myself for 2.5 years now, she calms my anxiety, stops me from crying, she means absolutely everything to me and even my family say they know she feels the same as I'm the only one she's made a connection to, but legally she's signed under my mums name and even though they know we need each other, they'd put up a fight to keep her, but i physically and mentally could not leave without her, she's like my therapy animal, i need her. But my family have pushed me to a point where every day I'm constantly fueled by such violent rage, i cry nearly every day, i went through a phase of about 2 months where i was having one full blownbreakdown at least once a week, they're killing me, but i just don't know what i can do
I need to leave so bad, while there is still at least a shred of me as a person that i can build up on or before i do something stupid, i need to leave, but no job, no money, no one to fall back on, no idea how any of this works, and needing Roxy, I'm just scared and i don't know what to do haha, I'm sorry if this has been a mess, there's just so much stress lately and i struggle to hold a single thought by this point :')
Some back story, my dad was physically violent and neglectful growing up as a kid and i painted my mum a saint as i thought she was, but not only did i learn she knew he was like this yet she kept sending us there, my mum is like a toxic poison, she was never physically violent and i was slow to realise this but she was destroying me from the inside and and killing me mentally, like the things I'm insecure about, why i have major trust issues and confidence issues, my depression and anxiety, it all stems from her
With that rather short sum up of serious issues out of the way, this has been going on for over 21 years now, i still live with my mum and co, removed my dad from my life for good, i don't have a job due to an assortment of mental/physical health issues and i don't have any friends in real life besides one, but i need to leave home haha
Home life has been bad for a while now, but it's only getting worse and worse, my sister is like a combination of my dad and my mum, but the three main culprites: My mum, her partner and my baby brother, so they think they're the only ones who live in this house as whenever we run out of food, which is often being a bigger family, i ask for some as food is a necessity and you need it to live, i get told we have no money and I'm having to scrape out scraps from the cupboards and fridge/freezer, just looking for anything i can find to get food out of, no exaggeration, yet my baby brother has his own food cupboard that is not only constantly full and restocked, not only is it name brand stuff, not only does it have a ton of variety, but yes, it's all for him, my mum also got an entirely new bedroom this past week, so we don't have money to buy me food, but yet for all of this we do?
Also with my family though, as you can see they can treat me like dirt, my mum has gone through my room countless times, without permission, chucking out whatever she wants, i never get anything, even necessities, they're constantly going for days out or to restaurants and never invite me, they are always quite horrible to me and speak to me in nasty ways, or only talk to me to complain about money issues, they just go out of their way to disrespect me, make me feel unwanted and like everything is my fault. Yet i can't talk to them about anything, if i even so much as think of complaining about something, I'm called vile, horrible, disrespectful, rude, nasty, pathetic, selfish, then i either get treated even worse or yes, abandoned for about a week. One final thing, we have a pet rabbit that has attacked the dogs, myself and my baby girl, my cat on countless ocassions, i keep pleading for it to be at least put in a run if it won't go to a new home, literally nothing is being done about it and I'm not having to make drastic measures that really upset me just to protect the other pets
I don't feel like I'm making this sound as bad as it is, but my only real friend in life Kirsty, she went from being polite about it to me to the point now where she says such vile things about my family in front of me (and rightly so, she says what i feel), and even sometimes I'm not allowed to mention them around her due to the rage it just ingites in her and she said it literally ruins her day thinking how I'm treated at home
So i urgently need to get out of here but i don't have any friends in real life besides Kirsty who i can't live with, so i have nothing in that sense, i have no source of income and won't be able to work any time soon with the state of my health, so that's also being scratched, also though i need my cat, I'm the only one who takes care of her, she has stopped me from killing myself for 2.5 years now, she calms my anxiety, stops me from crying, she means absolutely everything to me and even my family say they know she feels the same as I'm the only one she's made a connection to, but legally she's signed under my mums name and even though they know we need each other, they'd put up a fight to keep her, but i physically and mentally could not leave without her, she's like my therapy animal, i need her. But my family have pushed me to a point where every day I'm constantly fueled by such violent rage, i cry nearly every day, i went through a phase of about 2 months where i was having one full blownbreakdown at least once a week, they're killing me, but i just don't know what i can do
I need to leave so bad, while there is still at least a shred of me as a person that i can build up on or before i do something stupid, i need to leave, but no job, no money, no one to fall back on, no idea how any of this works, and needing Roxy, I'm just scared and i don't know what to do haha, I'm sorry if this has been a mess, there's just so much stress lately and i struggle to hold a single thought by this point :')