AnemoneStar
July 18th, 2017, 08:12 PM
I'm back with an unusual topic?
It's really hard to describe my question, but I'll try my best.
I'm gonna be honest, I'm 15 and filled with hormones, like pretty much every 15 year old. I kind of have this thing though, maybe call it a problem. Most people I know have had at least one person through their life they can talk about this stuff with and I don't. I want to, but I'm so afraid of scaring people off or doing something I shouldn't be. I'm a classic bottler, so I've been bottling these emotions and I think it's started to do me some harm mentally, which eventually leads to physical harm through repetitive activities such as washing. I think this might be from my gender identity, or the fact I've never had a close friend who was going through the same stuff. Some people have openly talked about their stuff and told me it wasn't bad or unnatural, but I still freaked out, even though being open about this stuff was really exciting and felt really nice. It ended up with me actually not talking with them anymore, in fear of it being something I shouldn't do and that it would somehow make the days I did it and the clothes, etc, all "bad". I don't even tell my therapist this stuff, I'm serious, I don't talk about this with anyone, except for really here I guess. I don't even tell people when I think someone is attractive.
What should I do? I don't wanna go on like this, I feel so lonely and in turn it makes me feel like I'm so secluded and I'm the only one feeling this. Is there any way for me to stop feeling so anxious about this stuff? Even if it takes a bit, I wanna do it. Do I need to make a friend of the same sex? How do I even talk about this stuff, I don't want to be weird or rude. This is a weird post, I'm sorry, it's just like my post asking if cum was dirty. I just have so much anxiety and so little real world stuff.
Thank you for reading this, if you did, please help if you can.
It's really hard to describe my question, but I'll try my best.
I'm gonna be honest, I'm 15 and filled with hormones, like pretty much every 15 year old. I kind of have this thing though, maybe call it a problem. Most people I know have had at least one person through their life they can talk about this stuff with and I don't. I want to, but I'm so afraid of scaring people off or doing something I shouldn't be. I'm a classic bottler, so I've been bottling these emotions and I think it's started to do me some harm mentally, which eventually leads to physical harm through repetitive activities such as washing. I think this might be from my gender identity, or the fact I've never had a close friend who was going through the same stuff. Some people have openly talked about their stuff and told me it wasn't bad or unnatural, but I still freaked out, even though being open about this stuff was really exciting and felt really nice. It ended up with me actually not talking with them anymore, in fear of it being something I shouldn't do and that it would somehow make the days I did it and the clothes, etc, all "bad". I don't even tell my therapist this stuff, I'm serious, I don't talk about this with anyone, except for really here I guess. I don't even tell people when I think someone is attractive.
What should I do? I don't wanna go on like this, I feel so lonely and in turn it makes me feel like I'm so secluded and I'm the only one feeling this. Is there any way for me to stop feeling so anxious about this stuff? Even if it takes a bit, I wanna do it. Do I need to make a friend of the same sex? How do I even talk about this stuff, I don't want to be weird or rude. This is a weird post, I'm sorry, it's just like my post asking if cum was dirty. I just have so much anxiety and so little real world stuff.
Thank you for reading this, if you did, please help if you can.