I think I have depression?

[Aidoon123]

Hey guys!

It's been a very long time since I have posted on this site. I believe I was fourteen when I first joined? It's crazy to think I am nearly nineteen now and I am still coming back here for the support from this community.

Anyway, I am presently in my last year of school. Naturally it's very stressful with state exams coming up soon and there is a lot of pressure to do well. I noticed that towards the end of October I started losing motivation in other aspects of my life. I would come home from school and just go right to sleep, do a bit of study or work and then sleep again and repeat the process again the next day. I chalked up this feeling of constant exhaustion I had to stress. Still to this day I have been feeling this constant exhaustion.

Before I began experiencing this feeling I used to go to the gym 3-4 times a week and would go out with my friends at every opportunity possible. Now I don't feel any motivation to do these things. I don't go to the gym anymore and I basically have no longing to see my friends anymore. As well as this I have also lost interest in my hobbies. I used to love attending drama, but now I have lost any interest in drama and even didn't bother going to my college auditions (that's bad, I know).

Basically this has crippled me. I do go out occasionally with friends but really I feel I must do it out of obligation. I can't find any energy to do anything I enjoy, or used to enjoy I should say. I hate diagnosing myself from the internet and believe me I don't want to have depression, but I think I may have it? I don't know really, I always used to pride myself on how resilient I was mentally despite difficulties I had growing up, but now I just feel like I am stuck.

I;m unsure if this is relevant but I will mention it anyway. I used to be really overweight when I was younger. I began losing the weight at age sixteen and since then I have lost over 5 stone in weight (I went from 99kg to now being 63kg). Initially I was very happy with my progress but since last year I have just felt so uncomfortable in my body. It has come to the point where I can't even look at myself in the mirror. Despite people telling me I am too skinny and should put on weight, I still feel as though I am fat and am gaining weight.

I really am unsure of where to go from here. I really can't go to the doctor about this as I don't want it going down on my medical records that I (potentially) have depression. Any help you can give would be really appreciated.

Aidan.

[queenofcontrariety]

I'm not sure what your reason for not seeking help is. And there's really not a whole lot else I can personally recommend. Body image issues are a real concern, for that you can write a series of self love statements to say daily in the mirror ("This is my body and it is meant for me" or "I love my ______"). Also making a social media account or subblog where you follow a lot of body positive people can be really liberating and reorient you from the skew the media can create.

The lack of motivation and withdrawal happen. There's no perfect fix here but make an active effort to push yourself. Yes you want to be in bed and your limbs feel heavy and your chest feels like its made of lead and you feel like you can't do the things you used to, do it. It's hard, and start with the small things. Go into a different room and do something for an hour, the week after do two hours, and gradually build up your confidence in your ability to do things.