cryptal
April 17th, 2017, 06:31 PM
I'll just start of by saying that I appreciate anyone who replies, because I already know that this will be a super long post. (even if you reply with tl;dr :D)
I have anger management issues. I seriously don't think that it's bad, but they say that people who have OCD don't know that they have it either, so I can't argue.
I want to say that I'm better than when I was little, because I swear I'm really really trying. Honestly, it's embarrassing for me to admit that I even have them, which is partly the problem. I will admit here that it's me. I don't think that it's anyone else's fault except my own.
I'm 14, I'm in 8th grade (canada), and my mom and I were really close until I started grade 8. Despite admitting to have anger issues herself, my mom has always wanted me to control my anger better. I think that this year she snapped. I don't blame her.
I get so mad at everything. I snap at my dad when he bothers me while I'm doing homework or watching Youtube on my laptop. I feel so bad immediately afterwards because he doesn't deserve it. I get mad at my mom when she yells for me to practice piano or take a bath, but I shouldn't because she's right. I get mad at my older sister when she does something that I think is annoying, which I know isn't right because I know that I'm annoying to her too. I get mad at myself for eating too much. I get mad at myself for not practicing piano. I get mad at myself for not getting 100% on a test that everyone else did well on. I get mad at myself for getting mad.
I hate it, and I react and I let my family know that I'm mad by groaning and whining, and yelling at my mom and my sister (for some reason I have never yelled at my dad), and I know that I act like a 5 year old.
I feel like there are so many problems with me, but this is obviously one of the biggest. When I get mad with my cousins and grandma(all living in my house as well), I don't show it. But I know that it's still not good, because I shouldn't even be getting mad in the first place.
This is getting really bad and I absolutely hate talking about it in person, and I can already tell that my mom is getting so tired of it. She's always upset about something, even if it's at my cousins, I know that it's partly my fault. I feel terrible and I will never admit something like this to my parents or my sister because I think that I deserve dignity(and believe me I cringe as I type this). I have always felt closer to my sister than to my parents, since she's only a year older. I am comfortable telling her my crushes, my passwords, stories from school, things I have done, and secrets that only she knows, but I feel like I could never discuss my anger issues without getting angry. If we're ever fighting, she will instantly bring it up because she knows that it will get me more angry.
I hate myself the most for this because I know that I will die lonely because of it. Not everyone is as nice and tolerating as my dad. applause to him for surviving in the mad house of 4 angry people(me, my mom, me, and mostly me.)
I want to die painlessly now and forget about everything. I will probably look at what I typed in about 3 minutes and delete that sentence and wonder why the hell I type that, but that's probably the angry side of me and how I feel so im just going to post this quickly.
thank you,
angry psycho girl :(
I have anger management issues. I seriously don't think that it's bad, but they say that people who have OCD don't know that they have it either, so I can't argue.
I want to say that I'm better than when I was little, because I swear I'm really really trying. Honestly, it's embarrassing for me to admit that I even have them, which is partly the problem. I will admit here that it's me. I don't think that it's anyone else's fault except my own.
I'm 14, I'm in 8th grade (canada), and my mom and I were really close until I started grade 8. Despite admitting to have anger issues herself, my mom has always wanted me to control my anger better. I think that this year she snapped. I don't blame her.
I get so mad at everything. I snap at my dad when he bothers me while I'm doing homework or watching Youtube on my laptop. I feel so bad immediately afterwards because he doesn't deserve it. I get mad at my mom when she yells for me to practice piano or take a bath, but I shouldn't because she's right. I get mad at my older sister when she does something that I think is annoying, which I know isn't right because I know that I'm annoying to her too. I get mad at myself for eating too much. I get mad at myself for not practicing piano. I get mad at myself for not getting 100% on a test that everyone else did well on. I get mad at myself for getting mad.
I hate it, and I react and I let my family know that I'm mad by groaning and whining, and yelling at my mom and my sister (for some reason I have never yelled at my dad), and I know that I act like a 5 year old.
I feel like there are so many problems with me, but this is obviously one of the biggest. When I get mad with my cousins and grandma(all living in my house as well), I don't show it. But I know that it's still not good, because I shouldn't even be getting mad in the first place.
This is getting really bad and I absolutely hate talking about it in person, and I can already tell that my mom is getting so tired of it. She's always upset about something, even if it's at my cousins, I know that it's partly my fault. I feel terrible and I will never admit something like this to my parents or my sister because I think that I deserve dignity(and believe me I cringe as I type this). I have always felt closer to my sister than to my parents, since she's only a year older. I am comfortable telling her my crushes, my passwords, stories from school, things I have done, and secrets that only she knows, but I feel like I could never discuss my anger issues without getting angry. If we're ever fighting, she will instantly bring it up because she knows that it will get me more angry.
I hate myself the most for this because I know that I will die lonely because of it. Not everyone is as nice and tolerating as my dad. applause to him for surviving in the mad house of 4 angry people(me, my mom, me, and mostly me.)
I want to die painlessly now and forget about everything. I will probably look at what I typed in about 3 minutes and delete that sentence and wonder why the hell I type that, but that's probably the angry side of me and how I feel so im just going to post this quickly.
thank you,
angry psycho girl :(