ChoiceScarf
February 25th, 2014, 06:26 PM
Okay so I'm going to keep this short, but I'm kinda seeing a pattern in my life, and I was wondering if anyone else had the same problem.
When I was younger my Dad just abandoned me and my mother and left us with basically nothing. He wasn't the best Dad either and even though I spent one summer holiday living in a car I was kinda glad he was gone. There has also been other stuff going on in my life, such as being really heavily bullied where I have had wax poured down my back and glass shards thrown at my face. Now I know what you might be saying, why is this relevant?
I have noticed a pattern in my life, when I make a friend sometimes I like them and they become very close to me. Eventually they may make a mistake or have an off day and I convince myself that they are a horrible person and make life difficult for everyone till the friendship either ends in an fight or just ends.
Recently I have made friends with someone who is quite pushy and keen to help me, which I find is a good thing because he has made me realise some of these problems and issues I am having. He takes me to the gym, he asks me questions about my life, ect. But recently I have been trying to find holes in him and I don't know how to stop. I keep trying to convince myself he actually hates me. And I don't want to be like this anymore, its not fair on him. But I don't know if some of you will understand that these negative thoughts can be quite powerful and can take over your life.
I do have other friends so don't think it's just him, but he is like the closest person too me in my friendship group. But I don't really understand but opening up to him makes me feel vulnerable and weak but he is so pushy to get me to talk most of the time. But I fear I may say to much and he thinks I'm too crazy for him to be friends with me. I get it i'm paranoid.
I know it seems whiny, but if anyone has any suggests or advice that will be really helpful thank you!
When I was younger my Dad just abandoned me and my mother and left us with basically nothing. He wasn't the best Dad either and even though I spent one summer holiday living in a car I was kinda glad he was gone. There has also been other stuff going on in my life, such as being really heavily bullied where I have had wax poured down my back and glass shards thrown at my face. Now I know what you might be saying, why is this relevant?
I have noticed a pattern in my life, when I make a friend sometimes I like them and they become very close to me. Eventually they may make a mistake or have an off day and I convince myself that they are a horrible person and make life difficult for everyone till the friendship either ends in an fight or just ends.
Recently I have made friends with someone who is quite pushy and keen to help me, which I find is a good thing because he has made me realise some of these problems and issues I am having. He takes me to the gym, he asks me questions about my life, ect. But recently I have been trying to find holes in him and I don't know how to stop. I keep trying to convince myself he actually hates me. And I don't want to be like this anymore, its not fair on him. But I don't know if some of you will understand that these negative thoughts can be quite powerful and can take over your life.
I do have other friends so don't think it's just him, but he is like the closest person too me in my friendship group. But I don't really understand but opening up to him makes me feel vulnerable and weak but he is so pushy to get me to talk most of the time. But I fear I may say to much and he thinks I'm too crazy for him to be friends with me. I get it i'm paranoid.
I know it seems whiny, but if anyone has any suggests or advice that will be really helpful thank you!