Friends with Benefits!!!

[harris305]

Is being friends with benefits bad?

What if both of you know whats going on?

How could it possibly be bad?

[MechaSniper]

I guess it would depend how you treat each other.

[Karkat]

It's not for me, but I'm not going to judge anyone else for their decision.

Well, the one time I had a FWB, I ended up ending it and getting into a relationship with someone else. I was bored, it didn't sustain me. Plus the guy ended up developing deeper feelings for me and he got hurt in the end. At least with relationships you typically know where you stand.

[Cygnus]

Ramblings of the Wise :arrow2: Relationships and Dating

[Harley Quinn]

Friends with benefits usually never turns out that way, someone always develops feelings and that's inevitable. I personally prefer actual relationships rather than friends with benefits. Sure, if you both know what you want out of it before it even start, then that's fine and I see how it could work but it's not for me.

[Synyster Shadows]

I prefer real relationships than FWB ones. Having a FWB wouldn't feel right to me

[Abyssal Echo]

I've had a couple of friends with benefits it was a lot of fun but I'd rather be in a relationship.

[kanine]

I've had an FWB before, and I was the one who became attached. Honestly, I still have felings for him and it kinda sucks that they aren't returned. It's fun while your doing it, but that's really all it is. You know what they say after all, "It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt".

[SadLove]

Being friends with "benefits" can mean many different things. If it means what I think, No, Why not date if you are FWB. If you both know whats going on, same thing, why not date.

[Karkat]

Being friends with "benefits" can mean many different things. If it means what I think, No, Why not date if you are FWB. If you both know whats going on, same thing, why not date.

A lot of people who want FWB don't want the commitment or the actual relationship, they just want the sex itself/sexual acts. (I didn't actually have sex with mine. It's kinda hard when you're several hundred miles away, but I still consider him an FWB.)

Thus the "no strings attached" cliche.

[ksdnfkfr]

My friend and I have had a real true relationship since we were nine.
The 'benefits' aspect started at thirteen, but our friendship is not based on that.

[Lovecraft]

It's not bad as long as both people involved are consenting and aware of the nature of the relationship.

I prefer FWB relationships most of the time; I've only seriously dated maybe 2 people (my current boyfriend included.)

[harris305]

okay i see what u mean

It's not bad as long as both people involved are consenting and aware of the nature of the relationship.

I prefer FWB relationships most of the time; I've only seriously dated maybe 2 people (my current boyfriend included.)
yea but sometimes people get attached after a while.

My friend and I have had a real true relationship since we were nine.
The 'benefits' aspect started at thirteen, but our friendship is not based on that.
okay so is it like a sometime time thing or whenever you two see each other

A lot of people who want FWB don't want the commitment or the actual relationship, they just want the sex itself/sexual acts. (I didn't actually have sex with mine. It's kinda hard when you're several hundred miles away, but I still consider him an FWB.)

Thus the "no strings attached" cliche.
in what way were you two FWB like just by being flirty with each other?

Being friends with "benefits" can mean many different things. If it means what I think, No, Why not date if you are FWB. If you both know whats going on, same thing, why not date.
Because you two don't want to put your feelings in the situation.

I've had a couple of friends with benefits it was a lot of fun but I'd rather be in a relationship.
Yea but it is something that you will miss over time.

I've had an FWB before, and I was the one who became attached. Honestly, I still have felings for him and it kinda sucks that they aren't returned. It's fun while your doing it, but that's really all it is. You know what they say after all, "It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt".
That is the main problem with this.

[phuckphace]

gonna be a hipster and say friends with benefits. relationships are too mainstream. http://i.imgur.com/8j6ScWn.gif

lol but on a serious note, I don't see the point of a relationship when I could just as easily be close friends with someone and also have sex with them occasionally. the whole "belonging to someone" thing has never really appealed to me for some reason. in fact I think sex makes the bond of friendship a lot closer, in a way that a monogamous relationship doesn't. plus a friend won't blow your money on stupid shit like a girlfriend will.

:( and now I'm all bummed out about not having a FWB. my dream is to find a close friend who I can hang out with and do lots of fun friend things with, and also have sex every now and then when he feels like it. so hard to find. :c

[ksdnfkfr]

okay so is it like a sometime time thing or whenever you two see each other

We are next door neighbors and go to the same school, so we see each other constantly - so it's pretty much whenever we have alone time together. Especially during frequent sleepovers.

[NeuroTiger]

Real friendship is way better.

[Abyssal Echo]

Yea but it is something that you will miss over time.

Nah. I doubt it because the one friends with benefits turned into a relationship. It's him and our relationship that I miss.

[AlexOnToast]

My friend and I have had a real true relationship since we were nine.
The 'benefits' aspect started at thirteen, but our friendship is not based on that.

I would be somewhat the same as Ezra.
But I would prefer an actual relationship - having deep feelins for someone makes it all the more enjoyable

[harris305]

yea that is true but that brings headaches sometimes

what do you miss from the relationship?

that is like most people dream lol.

thanks for your opinion.

Please use "Edit" button next time. ~Tiago

[project_icarus]

I've never had a 'friend with benefits' and I can't particularly see myself in such a situation.

It's not bad but you really need to take care of both yourself and the particular friend, for reasons mentioned above.

[Body odah Man]

It's degrading to the woman/man if ur friends with benefits. All it is is using them to satiate your sexual desires.

[Synyster Shadows]

It's degrading to the woman/man if ur friends with benefits. All it is is using them to satiate your sexual desires.

I agree with this. Even if there is consent, it's still making someone an object to satisfy ones own desires

[Body odah Man]

I agree with this. Even if there is consent, it's still making someone an object to satisfy ones own desires

Thansk G. You're allright.

[phuckphace]

It's degrading to the woman/man if ur friends with benefits. All it is is using them to satiate your sexual desires.

how do you figure that? this can happen in a relationship or even a marriage as well.

[Karkat]

in what way were you two FWB like just by being flirty with each other?


Well there were sexual favors going on, but no actual sex. That'd be a little impossible. You know, like sexting, etc. (That's the furthest I'll get into it.)

I'd say flirting is an extremely light word for what was going on.

how do you figure that? this can happen in a relationship or even a marriage as well.

That doesn't make it any less of objectification. I don't see your point.

[backjruton]

"Friends with benefits" is probably the furthest I'd go. I think I have commitment issues or something, I don't like the idea of marriage because then you're fully stuck to one person until you pay a lot of money for a divorce, not what I'd ever want because I can fall out with some people quite easily

[phuckphace]

That doesn't make it any less of objectification. I don't see your point.

the other guy was implying FWB is always objectification. it can be but isn't always. whether someone chooses to objectify someone else during sex has nothing to do with what sort of relationship they have and everything to do with the person's attitude toward sex in general.

I've had a couple of FWBs in the past and at no point was it anything like he described. they're friends first and foremost

[Karkat]

the other guy was implying FWB is always objectification. it can be but isn't always. whether someone chooses to objectify someone else during sex has nothing to do with what sort of relationship they have and everything to do with the person's attitude toward sex in general.

I've had a couple of FWBs in the past and at no point was it anything like he described. they're friends first and foremost

...That would still mean that some objectification was involved. The sexual part absolutely indicates objectification, it really has nothing to do with the actual friendship- of course you're not ALWAYS going to objectify them, however you do in the context of sex. That's the whole point of the 'benefits' part of friends with benefits. Otherwise, it'd just be considered an open relationship, really. Because there would be some sort of romantic and sexual relationship there, you just wouldn't be exclusive. That's different.

[phuckphace]

...That would still mean that some objectification was involved. The sexual part absolutely indicates objectification, it really has nothing to do with the actual friendship- of course you're not ALWAYS going to objectify them, however you do in the context of sex. That's the whole point of the 'benefits' part of friends with benefits. Otherwise, it'd just be considered an open relationship, really. Because there would be some sort of romantic and sexual relationship there, you just wouldn't be exclusive. That's different.

let_me_tell_you_about_what_goes_on_in_your_own_head.txt

sex isn't always objectification, get over it. at any rate that term sounds like something a feminist nutter on would say on Tumblr

[Karkat]

let_me_tell_you_about_what_goes_on_in_your_own_head.txt

sex isn't always objectification, get over it. at any rate that term sounds like something a feminist nutter on would say on Tumblr

I didn't say ALWAYS, I said GENERALLY. Sex without a relationship is generally objectification. There's nothing wrong with casual sex, however, you are not interested in the person, you're interested in what they can do for you.

I have nothing against FWBs, I HAD ONE MYSELF AT ONE POINT. But if you're trying to argue that the sex is nurtured, loving, etc. within the FWB, that's not really a FWB relationship, by general terms.

Urban Dictionary says:

"friends with benefits
Two friends who have a sexual realtionship without being emotionally involved. Typically two good friends who have casual sex without a monogomous relationship or any kind of commitment"

This is a FEATURED definition. Meaning that a hell of a lot of people agree with it.

If you take out emotional involvement, it is casual sex.

Let's see what Merriam-Webster says about they word "objectify":

"ob·jec·ti·fy transitive verb \əb-ˈjek-tə-ˌfī\
: to treat (someone) as an object rather than as a person"

If you take the emotions out of sex, you are treating a person as an object, are you not?

I mean, what else would you be treating them like? Casual sex objectifies people.

HOWEVER, IT IS CONSENSUAL, MUTUAL OBJECTIFICATION. THE PEOPLE INVOLVED GENERALLY DO NOT GIVE A SHIT IF THEY'RE BEING TREATED AS SEX OBJECTS, BECAUSE THAT'S THE PURPOSE.

This is ENTIRELY different from objectifying someone just randomly. It's different than catcalling a woman, or raping someone, or fantasizing sex with someone.

You're just upset that I'm calling it objectification because you think it means I'm questioning your morals. And while I've questioned your morals before, I was not questioning your morals on this. I just think you're trying to make FWBs sound entirely different than they actually are. Why? Why try? Why does it even matter? It IS objectification BY DEFINITION, but no one is JUDGING you for it, I don't understand why you have to get all DEFENSIVE about it.

I have sex. I know sex isn't always about objectification. However, casual sex, by definition IS. I don't understand why you're fighting it. If it's not casual sex, it's not a FWB, it's a relationship. I don't understand what the entire point of insulting me and making arguments that don't even make sense was. I wasn't judging you, I was giving you the actual definition, now could you please stop turning your arguments into personal attacks against me. Thanks.

[Philleeep]

Friends with benefits usually never turns out that way, someone always develops feelings and that's inevitable. I personally prefer actual relationships rather than friends with benefits. Sure, if you both know what you want out of it before it even start, then that's fine and I see how it could work but it's not for me.

I couldn't agree more wih this.

[Harley Quinn]

Keep this on topic and stop arguing. Some replies have been deleted and this thread will get locked if you continue.

[Luminous]

I don't think it's bad at all, I would just rather have a relationship.

[Danagal]

[QUOTE=harris305;2707490]Is being friends with benefits bad? Not for me it's what I want now.

What if both of you know whats going on? That's the idea just sex.

How could it possibly be bad?

[Body odah Man]

how do you figure that? this can happen in a relationship or even a marriage as well.

Because relationship/marriage involves sharing good and ill with each other, living together, treating one another as life partners, etc., etc.
Friends with Bneefits is just a temp. relationship designed to only have sex with someone-nothing else. Like having an unpaid whore kinda.

[ninja789]

real relationships hurt less

[Dwemer]

Real relationship anytime. But if you have been single for a long time it can get hard.

[scott757]

I would 100% prefer a real relationship, however if a female friend was the one wanting to with me, then I'd accept, but I definitely would prefer the full on relationship any day.

[sqishy]

It depends

[harris305]

I understand what u mean

That's how it be when you two are attracted but you can't see each other in a relationship.

yea you aint lying lol

that is an opinion

it is not an unpaid whore if you two have the same understanding because neither one of you feels used.

when feelings get involved.

that is understandable

All I have to say is that FWB is just a relationship without the title. You do not have to have sex with the person. You could easily just flirt, kiss, and hang out with the other person and just use it to get to know each other. Wouldn't you say the person that you just met is a FWB because you two are getting to know each other while at the same time you make out and have fun. I understand that we all have our different points when it comes to this topic but how about we just type what we believe instead of arguing with each other. We are all entitled to our own opinion and for most people there is no way of changing their minds.

that is true.

[Human]

I would never become a fwb because one of the pair would end up developing feelings

[harris305]

I would never become a fwb because one of the pair would end up developing feelings

not all the time but that is a possibility.

[xban]

Friend with benefit does not work for boys, except if the boy is really handsome and well built, etc. Normally, the boy will just fall in love.

[BuryYourFlame]

It's degrading to the woman/man if ur friends with benefits. All it is is using them to satiate your sexual desires.

How is it degrading to anyone if they both agree to it? Yes, they would both be using each other to "satiate sexual desires", but they both know that's what happening and aren't expecting anything more out of it.

Friends with benefits can be great. Relationships can be great. Some friends with benefits situations turn out pretty crumby, and so can some relationships. It just depends on what's right for you at the time. After I just started university there was no way having a relationship was going to be right for me because of where I was mentally and emotionally so I had a couple of friends with benefits. Now, a couple of years later, I'm in a relationship and we're going well.

[LiamC]

Definitely a real relationship. To know there's someone always there for you, and the cuddles and hugs and soppy stuff would be just as good as the sex for me. I don't think I'd ever both with friends with benefits.

[Zachary G]

friends with benefits is a good thing if you dont want to be tied down in a relationship at the time. its not a bad thing as long as you both agree on whats going on and how its going to be.

[harris305]

Friend with benefit does not work for boys, except if the boy is really handsome and well built, etc. Normally, the boy will just fall in love.
That isn't always true.

[harris305]

How is it degrading to anyone if they both agree to it? Yes, they would both be using each other to "satiate sexual desires", but they both know that's what happening and aren't expecting anything more out of it.

Friends with benefits can be great. Relationships can be great. Some friends with benefits situations turn out pretty crumby, and so can some relationships. It just depends on what's right for you at the time. After I just started university there was no way having a relationship was going to be right for me because of where I was mentally and emotionally so I had a couple of friends with benefits. Now, a couple of years later, I'm in a relationship and we're going well.
You explained it perfectly thank you lol.

[harris305]

friends with benefits is a good thing if you dont want to be tied down in a relationship at the time. its not a bad thing as long as you both agree on whats going on and how its going to be.
As simple as that :)

[Hey-Im-Connor]

if u both want to then its fine

[The_Alpha]

At the moment I don't have much room for those kinds of emotions In my life at the moment. I personally think it's a good thing if people need the sex and security that comes with it and cuddles etc. but don't have the time or the trust or any other number of reasons for a full on relationship.
Overall there are a few tips I'd give anyone wanting to start that kind of thing.

1. Make sure you both are comfortable With doing whatever you will.

2. Communication is essential, not only with sex but also with the relationship as soon as something comes up mention it. You have no more obligations to this person than to any other close friends, remember you aren't in a romantic relationship you are both just friends taking advantage of eachothers anatomy and libido.

3. Enjoy everything you do and remember that you may only mess around or have sex once or twice, Fwb isn't necessarily a long term thing. And what ever you do HAVE FUN!

4. And one if the most important things to remember, NEVER CHOOSE SOMEONE WHO YOU WOULD DATE. This can help avoid a whole world of problems.

Hope that sheds some light and helps Any one with the thought of starting something like that. :)

[Popcorn]

I don't think friends with benefits is bad, but I think it eventually causes turmoil with the "friendship"