I've told her I love her, what next?

[Cjmccjface]

I've sent my crush a gram for Valentine's Day. And she liked it, she DMed me back and said "Thank you for that. That was nice". She seems to like it about me coming out about my feelings to her.

But my Question is: what is the next step? Should I start talking to her more? Should I give her flowers and chocolates and ask her out? What should I do next?

[brandon9]

I'm just a bit confused about the progression of events here. There's a lot of missing info here... Here's what I'm getting out of this:

1) How long has this crush been going on?
2) Judging by the title and your post content, you told her you love her, but apparently don't talk to her all that much and have never gone out with her in any way? That's how it comes across, correct me if I am wrong.
3) She is showing a modicum of interest at least, which can be seen as a good thing, overall.
4) You have no clue how to proceed,

Now, based on the limited information given about the situation, and the conclusions I've been able to draw from that, I've got to say it's really difficult to give you any meaningful advice because without knowing how long you and this girl have been on each other's radar so to speak, it's impossible to gauge potential. If you clarify that, this would be much easier.

I will say, and as I did mention above, correct me if I am wrong, but in your title you said you told this girl you love her. And, judging from your content, you've never been more than superficially involved with her. I'm not sure what led you to saying this, but it's going to bite you in the ass. You cannot love somebody you barely know - especially not someone you've never really spent much one on one time with in the past. And you never, NEVER, say "I love you" to somebody unless you've been involved in a great capacity for a length of time. I have a feeling this might just be an infatuation, not love, but if I'm wrong and you're positive, the next paragraph is my two cents for now. But know, love is tricky and love is painful and if you do experience it, know that it can totally break you at any moment. It is the most intense feeling you will ever experience, and it WILL cloud your judgement about the person.

If you're serious about this, pursue it, get her real number (not DM) and talk to her daily. Don't pull any of those bullshit texting games all the "how to get girls" articles say to do - if you like her, talk to her, don't string her out waiting for a response because you're following the "keep her in suspense" bullshit people preach. Be up front with her, tell her you want to spend time with her, ask her on a date. If she is interested at all, she'll be receptive to all of this. But don't rush it either - do NOT do all of this in the same day, talk to her for a week or so daily and if she's obviously reciprocating interest, go for it and ask. And for God's sake, don't ask her to officially be your girlfriend or whatever until you've gone on several dates.

Hope this helps you a bit, again I apologize if I'm interpreting any part of this incorrectly, it is simply founded from a lack of total information.

[ska8er]

Keep in contact with her but don't drown
her in gifts even tho it is nice u may be
coming on too strong. A small gift once in
awhile comes across better. As time goes
on u can ask her to go out.

[Cjmccjface]

I'm just a bit confused about the progression of events here. There's a lot of missing info here... Here's what I'm getting out of this:

1) How long has this crush been going on?
2) Judging by the title and your post content, you told her you love her, but apparently don't talk to her all that much and have never gone out with her in any way? That's how it comes across, correct me if I am wrong.
3) She is showing a modicum of interest at least, which can be seen as a good thing, overall.
4) You have no clue how to proceed,

Now, based on the limited information given about the situation, and the conclusions I've been able to draw from that, I've got to say it's really difficult to give you any meaningful advice because without knowing how long you and this girl have been on each other's radar so to speak, it's impossible to gauge potential. If you clarify that, this would be much easier.

I will say, and as I did mention above, correct me if I am wrong, but in your title you said you told this girl you love her. And, judging from your content, you've never been more than superficially involved with her. I'm not sure what led you to saying this, but it's going to bite you in the ass. You cannot love somebody you barely know - especially not someone you've never really spent much one on one time with in the past. And you never, NEVER, say "I love you" to somebody unless you've been involved in a great capacity for a length of time. I have a feeling this might just be an infatuation, not love, but if I'm wrong and you're positive, the next paragraph is my two cents for now. But know, love is tricky and love is painful and if you do experience it, know that it can totally break you at any moment. It is the most intense feeling you will ever experience, and it WILL cloud your judgement about the person.

If you're serious about this, pursue it, get her real number (not DM) and talk to her daily. Don't pull any of those bullshit texting games all the "how to get girls" articles say to do - if you like her, talk to her, don't string her out waiting for a response because you're following the "keep her in suspense" bullshit people preach. Be up front with her, tell her you want to spend time with her, ask her on a date. If she is interested at all, she'll be receptive to all of this. But don't rush it either - do NOT do all of this in the same day, talk to her for a week or so daily and if she's obviously reciprocating interest, go for it and ask. And for God's sake, don't ask her to officially be your girlfriend or whatever until you've gone on several dates.

Hope this helps you a bit, again I apologize if I'm interpreting any part of this incorrectly, it is simply founded from a lack of total information.


Yeah, excluding the DM Chat. We have never really talked to one another before. Did I mess this up? I think she looks beautiful, and she seems like a warm hearted person. But those are just predictions. Her looks alone are enough to kill a boy with "love". Or at least some sort of love. But I'd like to at least get to know her more before I make a big move. Thanks for your advice!

[ClaraWho]

Sounds like a polite rejection if ever there was one. 'That was nice', not 'I like you too'. Unless she is socially awkward I'd say leave it at that, she now knows how you feel and the ball is in her court. I would agree that you don't 'love' her either, particularly if all you know is she is aesthetically attractive.

~ Clara

[Cjmccjface]

Sounds like a polite rejection if ever there was one. 'That was nice', not 'I like you too'. Unless she is socially awkward I'd say leave it at that, she now knows how you feel and the ball is in her court. I would agree that you don't 'love' her either, particularly if all you know is she is aesthetically attractive.

~ Clara

So i don't think she flat out rejected me. There is to little personality to know about her.witch brings up my other point, I shouldn't have told her I love her first. That was a big mistake on my part. I couldn't get over my head and go up and get to know her. I just kept on setting it off.

I'm just a bit confused about the progression of events here. There's a lot of missing info here... Here's what I'm getting out of this:

1) How long has this crush been going on?
2) Judging by the title and your post content, you told her you love her, but apparently don't talk to her all that much and have never gone out with her in any way? That's how it comes across, correct me if I am wrong.
3) She is showing a modicum of interest at least, which can be seen as a good thing, overall.
4) You have no clue how to proceed,

Now, based on the limited information given about the situation, and the conclusions I've been able to draw from that, I've got to say it's really difficult to give you any meaningful advice because without knowing how long you and this girl have been on each other's radar so to speak, it's impossible to gauge potential. If you clarify that, this would be much easier.

I will say, and as I did mention above, correct me if I am wrong, but in your title you said you told this girl you love her. And, judging from your content, you've never been more than superficially involved with her. I'm not sure what led you to saying this, but it's going to bite you in the ass. You cannot love somebody you barely know - especially not someone you've never really spent much one on one time with in the past. And you never, NEVER, say "I love you" to somebody unless you've been involved in a great capacity for a length of time. I have a feeling this might just be an infatuation, not love, but if I'm wrong and you're positive, the next paragraph is my two cents for now. But know, love is tricky and love is painful and if you do experience it, know that it can totally break you at any moment. It is the most intense feeling you will ever experience, and it WILL cloud your judgement about the person.

If you're serious about this, pursue it, get her real number (not DM) and talk to her daily. Don't pull any of those bullshit texting games all the "how to get girls" articles say to do - if you like her, talk to her, don't string her out waiting for a response because you're following the "keep her in suspense" bullshit people preach. Be up front with her, tell her you want to spend time with her, ask her on a date. If she is interested at all, she'll be receptive to all of this. But don't rush it either - do NOT do all of this in the same day, talk to her for a week or so daily and if she's obviously reciprocating interest, go for it and ask. And for God's sake, don't ask her to officially be your girlfriend or whatever until you've gone on several dates.

Hope this helps you a bit, again I apologize if I'm interpreting any part of this incorrectly, it is simply founded from a lack of total information.

Thank you for the advice! But I have come to realize that I have made a big mistake by telling her I love her before anything. Do you disagree? Should I try to get to know her better? Or should I let her go? I'am open to any advice? Please tell me! What should I say!

Sorry for the lack of info!

Posts merged. ~Endeavour

[brandon9]

Yeah, excluding the DM Chat. We have never really talked to one another before. Did I mess this up? I think she looks beautiful, and she seems like a warm hearted person. But those are just predictions. Her looks alone are enough to kill a boy with "love". Or at least some sort of love. But I'd like to at least get to know her more before I make a big move. Thanks for your advice!

Thank you for the advice! But I have come to realize that I have made a big mistake by telling her I love her before anything. Do you disagree? Should I try to get to know her better? Or should I let her go? I'am open to any advice? Please tell me! What should I say!

Sorry for the lack of info!

Well, I have to agree you made a mistake by saying that you love her, just like ClaraWho said as well, among her multiple valid points. Now, is it an irreparably damaging move on your part? It has the potential to be, but there may still be ways out of it - only if she is even slightly interested in you. What you've done now is to put her radar up, she is aware of your interest in her and that has her thinking about it, whether or not she is intending to reciprocate it. She's on her guard, and if you're serious about this, you've got some backtracking to do and some effort to make in order to fix up your chances. But know, if you do invest the energy into trying, there is absolutely zero guarantee it will work out for you.

I'm going to ask you a few questions that I need you to answer to the absolute best of your ability, to give me and anyone else following this an idea of exactly what your situation is. First, how long have you been talking to this girl, DM or otherwise? Second, in what way did you tell this girl you love her - was it flat out blunt, did you blindside her with it? I need to know the exact scenario of how it played out to give you the best advice, because depending on how you said it and under what circumstances, you may be able to save face on it and pass it off as a differently-intended remark. Also, how likely are you to get actual face to face interaction with this girl? And do you have any information at all about any previous relationships she may have been in?

I do feel compelled to tell you, love is never borne of looks; you fall in love with somebody for their personality, their little idiosyncrasies, the closeness you develop with them over a long period of time. Looks alone do not make a person, nor do they equate to love - the attraction to her body is lust, and love and lust are separate entities existing in the same plane of human emotion, which can make it confusing at times to tell the difference, especially if you lack experience with either. I get the impression that you are a good-natured guy, if perhaps a bit inexperienced, and this is why I point this difference out to you. You've already learned a lesson here and shown some maturity of understanding by reaching the conclusion that you made a mistake all on your own, and now you have a precedent for how not to approach a similar situation in the future.

I will be able to give you better advice once you answer the questions I asked of you above. I won't tell you whether or not to keep talking to this girl and trying to get to know her, I will give you advice based on the decisions you are willing to make. But, like I said, your chances are not set in stone here, and as ClaraWho pointed out, this girl's phrasing may simply have been a subtle way of rejection. Hopefully that is not the case, but just prepare yourself now for the eventuality if you do pursue this further.

[Cjmccjface]

Well, I have to agree you made a mistake by saying that you love her, just like ClaraWho said as well, among her multiple valid points. Now, is it an irreparably damaging move on your part? It has the potential to be, but there may still be ways out of it - only if she is even slightly interested in you. What you've done now is to put her radar up, she is aware of your interest in her and that has her thinking about it, whether or not she is intending to reciprocate it. She's on her guard, and if you're serious about this, you've got some backtracking to do and some effort to make in order to fix up your chances. But know, if you do invest the energy into trying, there is absolutely zero guarantee it will work out for you.

I'm going to ask you a few questions that I need you to answer to the absolute best of your ability, to give me and anyone else following this an idea of exactly what your situation is. First, how long have you been talking to this girl, DM or otherwise? Second, in what way did you tell this girl you love her - was it flat out blunt, did you blindside her with it? I need to know the exact scenario of how it played out to give you the best advice, because depending on how you said it and under what circumstances, you may be able to save face on it and pass it off as a differently-intended remark. Also, how likely are you to get actual face to face interaction with this girl? And do you have any information at all about any previous relationships she may have been in?

I do feel compelled to tell you, love is never borne of looks; you fall in love with somebody for their personality, their little idiosyncrasies, the closeness you develop with them over a long period of time. Looks alone do not make a person, nor do they equate to love - the attraction to her body is lust, and love and lust are separate entities existing in the same plane of human emotion, which can make it confusing at times to tell the difference, especially if you lack experience with either. I get the impression that you are a good-natured guy, if perhaps a bit inexperienced, and this is why I point this difference out to you. You've already learned a lesson here and shown some maturity of understanding by reaching the conclusion that you made a mistake all on your own, and now you have a precedent for how not to approach a similar situation in the future.

I will be able to give you better advice once you answer the questions I asked of you above. I won't tell you whether or not to keep talking to this girl and trying to get to know her, I will give you advice based on the decisions you are willing to make. But, like I said, your chances are not set in stone here, and as ClaraWho pointed out, this girl's phrasing may simply have been a subtle way of rejection. Hopefully that is not the case, but just prepare yourself now for the eventuality if you do pursue this further.

I'am basically going to tell you the whole story behind this girl

- [ ] it was back in September of 2015 that I first saw this girl. She was in my History class last year. But it wasn't until later on in early 2016 that I developed a crush on this girl. She was sitting in the classroom one day, and I guess I just got hit by her looks. Every day I would look forward to going into that class to see her. We made eye contact several times, but she never did know who I was, because I never went up to her and asked her because I was too scared of rejection. So I think this "Love" started to come to me in the summer of 2016. I started to have daydreams about us doing usual Boyfriend and Girlfriend things;doing fun things,kissing,hugging,making out,cuddle with one another while sleeping,All those random moments you have with one another,and there even some points where I imagined us in the future living with one another in a house. There were also times where I would imagine us having sex. So the idea hit me on the first day of school last semester,I could try to ask her out. but then I realized that I had a higher chance of rejection if I did. I had a math class with her last semester, so I would be easier I thought. But there was one day she walked into my other class, and my Best Friend mentioned her, and told a story about Jeff(Not even close to his real name) anyway Jeff was also struck by her. So he went up to her and asked her out. And he was rejected. Getting back to your question about past lovers, to be honest I really do not know of any past lovers, but I do know she is Single. So for Valentines Day, I had an idea. I would send her a gram. And she magic would happen, she would be flattered by my massage and I would DM her Instagram and we could arrange a meet up.
- [ ] And this is the situation I'm in now. I'm still interested in her and i want to get to now her and change this false love around and get it going in the other direction, towards a friendship that if it won't turn in to love, it will turn into lifelong friendship with this girl.
- [ ] Now for those questions
- [ ] 1. I have known about her for about 1 and a half years. I have never gone up and said hi to her.
- [ ] 2. I basically told her I love her by saying that "she was the prettiest girl I've ever seen" and and told her I must confess that I love her.
- [ ] 3. Yes I think I did blindside her she definitely wasn't expecting someone that she never knew. I know this, because her teacher that hour said she look confused.
- [ ] As for the time that I get to see her, it's very little. I don't get to see her. The one minute that I do see her is in between transition period (the five minute period in between classes). And she is with all of her friends.


The

[brandon9]

I'am basically going to tell you the whole story behind this girl

- [ ] it was back in September of 2015 that I first saw this girl. She was in my History class last year. But it wasn't until later on in early 2016 that I developed a crush on this girl. She was sitting in the classroom one day, and I guess I just got hit by her looks. Every day I would look forward to going into that class to see her. We made eye contact several times, but she never did know who I was, because I never went up to her and asked her because I was too scared of rejection. So I think this "Love" started to come to me in the summer of 2016. I started to have daydreams about us doing usual Boyfriend and Girlfriend things;doing fun things,kissing,hugging,making out,cuddle with one another while sleeping,All those random moments you have with one another,and there even some points where I imagined us in the future living with one another in a house. There were also times where I would imagine us having sex. So the idea hit me on the first day of school last semester,I could try to ask her out. but then I realized that I had a higher chance of rejection if I did. I had a math class with her last semester, so I would be easier I thought. But there was one day she walked into my other class, and my Best Friend mentioned her, and told a story about Jeff(Not even close to his real name) anyway Jeff was also struck by her. So he went up to her and asked her out. And he was rejected. Getting back to your question about past lovers, to be honest I really do not know of any past lovers, but I do know she is Single. So for Valentines Day, I had an idea. I would send her a gram. And she magic would happen, she would be flattered by my massage and I would DM her Instagram and we could arrange a meet up.
- [ ] And this is the situation I'm in now. I'm still interested in her and i want to get to now her and change this false love around and get it going in the other direction, towards a friendship that if it won't turn in to love, it will turn into lifelong friendship with this girl.
- [ ] Now for those questions
- [ ] 1. I have known about her for about 1 and a half years. I have never gone up and said hi to her.
- [ ] 2. I basically told her I love her by saying that "she was the prettiest girl I've ever seen" and and told her I must confess that I love her.
- [ ] 3. Yes I think I did blindside her she definitely wasn't expecting someone that she never knew. I know this, because her teacher that hour said she look confused.
- [ ] As for the time that I get to see her, it's very little. I don't get to see her. The one minute that I do see her is in between transition period (the five minute period in between classes). And she is with all of her friends.

Okay, now that I know the backstory here it's a lot easier to make heads and tails out of this. The pieces of the puzzle are starting to come together, so to speak.

What you've experienced is a very long-term infatuation with this girl. You saw her, found her to be attractive, and you became entrenched in ideas of a future/relationship/friendship with this girl. This by itself is a pretty common thing among men - I myself have had long-term "crushes" on girls that I've known since elementary school, but there are a few differences in the circumstances that set your case here apart from the norm. For lack of a more tactful way to phrase it, you've obsessed yourself with this girl and convinced yourself that she is perfect without ever truly getting to know her. The "love" you think you're feeling now (which isn't really love but for argument's sake let's say it is) may totally disappear if you get to know this girl and find that she has a poor personality. You've become infatuated with the idea of this girl, not the girl herself, which is where all of this has stemmed from.

In reading your description of your interactions with this girl over the years, I'm inclined to say that she probably did at least know your name before all of this, given that you attend school together and have had multiple shared classes over the years. Here is where I think you went wrong, in a more or less chronological order:

1) You've gone the best part of a year and a half without ever formally introducing yourself to her, while harboring feelings of attraction. You've got to put yourself out there man, take some chances, or you'll never get anywhere with anyone. If there's one thing I've learned, especially lately, it's that you have got to put yourself out there to be hurt/rejected in order to make things happen.
2) You gifted her something before you ever truly introduced yourself to her. For some girls, random acts of kindness like that are something they find to be sweet, and for others, it is something they can find strange or even unsettling to a degree. What this girl felt strictly about this is still up in the air, however I would make the educated guess that she's fallen somewhere between the two ends of the spectrum, which I'll explain further in a moment.
3) You blindsided her, totally and completely, with both this gift and your statements to her. First, you said she's the prettiest girl you've ever seen - which in of itself isn't probably an irreparably damaging statement, some girls would find that flattering beyond measure - but then you said you had to confess your love for her. That's where you really went wrong, because by your own account, she doesn't really know you on a personal level. Saying it in such an absolute way definitely put her on alert, so to speak, which is why I say she's probably a mix of both flattered and unsettled by your actions. Girls like compliments and nice gestures; what they don't like is being broadsided.

I don't point these things out to crush you or anything of the sort, I point them out so you can learn from this. You obviously are in a bind right now over this, which if I'm not mistaken, is something you'd like to prevent in the future.

Now, as to what you can do about this, there are a few suggestions I can make to you:

1) Talk to her face to face, as soon as you possibly can. Don't be creepy about it, don't sneak up on her or do it in a weird way, just very casually and nonchalantly greet her. Something as simple as "Hey *insert name*, how are you?" as you walk past her in the hallway is sufficient. Don't worry about her friends being there, if they happen to be; just say hello.
2) If you're still DMing her, get her actual phone number. Ask for it in, again, a casual way. If she likes you even a bit, as a potential friend or otherwise, she'll give it to you.
3) Talk to her daily, as I said, and avoid talking about her looks/attractiveness/etc. Have normal conversations, get to know her as a person. Don't overcompliment her, don't place her on a pedestal, just talk to her.
4) I don't think there's much that can be done about the "love" comment. You can try to pass it off as having meant "I love your personality" or something, but on the whole I think that's kind of an unrecoverable error. But, do what you can with what cards you have left to play.

* Not quite all I wanted to say but short on time, will finish later.

[Cjmccjface]

Okay, now that I know the backstory here it's a lot easier to make heads and tails out of this. The pieces of the puzzle are starting to come together, so to speak.

What you've experienced is a very long-term infatuation with this girl. You saw her, found her to be attractive, and you became entrenched in ideas of a future/relationship/friendship with this girl. This by itself is a pretty common thing among men - I myself have had long-term "crushes" on girls that I've known since elementary school, but there are a few differences in the circumstances that set your case here apart from the norm. For lack of a more tactful way to phrase it, you've obsessed yourself with this girl and convinced yourself that she is perfect without ever truly getting to know her. The "love" you think you're feeling now (which isn't really love but for argument's sake let's say it is) may totally disappear if you get to know this girl and find that she has a poor personality. You've become infatuated with the idea of this girl, not the girl herself, which is where all of this has stemmed from.

In reading your description of your interactions with this girl over the years, I'm inclined to say that she probably did at least know your name before all of this, given that you attend school together and have had multiple shared classes over the years. Here is where I think you went wrong, in a more or less chronological order:

1) You've gone the best part of a year and a half without ever formally introducing yourself to her, while harboring feelings of attraction. You've got to put yourself out there man, take some chances, or you'll never get anywhere with anyone. If there's one thing I've learned, especially lately, it's that you have got to put yourself out there to be hurt/rejected in order to make things happen.
2) You gifted her something before you ever truly introduced yourself to her. For some girls, random acts of kindness like that are something they find to be sweet, and for others, it is something they can find strange or even unsettling to a degree. What this girl felt strictly about this is still up in the air, however I would make the educated guess that she's fallen somewhere between the two ends of the spectrum, which I'll explain further in a moment.
3) You blindsided her, totally and completely, with both this gift and your statements to her. First, you said she's the prettiest girl you've ever seen - which in of itself isn't probably an irreparably damaging statement, some girls would find that flattering beyond measure - but then you said you had to confess your love for her. That's where you really went wrong, because by your own account, she doesn't really know you on a personal level. Saying it in such an absolute way definitely put her on alert, so to speak, which is why I say she's probably a mix of both flattered and unsettled by your actions. Girls like compliments and nice gestures; what they don't like is being broadsided.

I don't point these things out to crush you or anything of the sort, I point them out so you can learn from this. You obviously are in a bind right now over this, which if I'm not mistaken, is something you'd like to prevent in the future.

Now, as to what you can do about this, there are a few suggestions I can make to you:

1) Talk to her face to face, as soon as you possibly can. Don't be creepy about it, don't sneak up on her or do it in a weird way, just very casually and nonchalantly greet her. Something as simple as "Hey *insert name*, how are you?" as you walk past her in the hallway is sufficient. Don't worry about her friends being there, if they happen to be; just say hello.
2) If you're still DMing her, get her actual phone number. Ask for it in, again, a casual way. If she likes you even a bit, as a potential friend or otherwise, she'll give it to you.
3) Talk to her daily, as I said, and avoid talking about her looks/attractiveness/etc. Have normal conversations, get to know her as a person. Don't overcompliment her, don't place her on a pedestal, just talk to her.
4) I don't think there's much that can be done about the "love" comment. You can try to pass it off as having meant "I love your personality" or something, but on the whole I think that's kind of an unrecoverable error. But, do what you can with what cards you have left to play.

* Not quite all I wanted to say but short on time, will finish later.

Thank you so much, it really means a lot. There is just one question that I need answers for. Should I apologize to her for blindsiding her like that?

[brandon9]

Thank you so much, it really means a lot. There is just one question that I need answers for. Should I apologize to her for blindsiding her like that?

Don't mention it man. I don't want anyone to have as bad of experiences as I have with women, lol. I'll help all day long.

You could apologize, were you so inclined, but ONLY if you think she'd take the apology the right way; only you have an understanding of how she may respond to it. If you do decide to apologize, you don't express any guilt over making the gesture, but express that you maybe handled the situation a little badly, or that you might have come on strong pretty suddenly. I won't tell you one way or another whether or not to apologize, as I said you could go either way with it, and that's a decision for you to make. But if you do, that's my advice on it.