Don't fall in love.

[brandon9]

This is a combination of a vent and a sincere appeal to everyone out there, I don't know why I wanted to post this, but here it is.

I'm convinced, now more than ever, that having feelings for someone only causes intolerable hurt. Everybody says that relationships are great, love is a beautiful thing to experience, but it isn't! I am an 18 year old virgin who has been rejected by every girl I've ever had feelings for. I've only been kissed one time in my life. I barely have ever been hugged by a girl. No matter what I do, nobody gives me a chance, not ever. Im nothing but dirt on people's shoes.

I have felt love. I met a girl last March named Lily, and I absolutely fell in love with her. She is the best friend I have ever had - in a lot of ways the only friend I ever had - and somewhere along the way I totally fell head over heels for her. I tried five separate times to get her to give me a chance, just a shot, and it never happened. All the while, my feelings got stronger and stronger, and it NEVER AMOUNTED TO ANYTHING. My feelings effectively destroyed the only real friendship I ever had, with the girl I love more than anything. She means more to me than I can ever put to words, and I don't mean that to her. I developed even worse self esteem issues because of being rejected by her - I never understood what the fuck was so wrong about me that I didn't even deserve a chance to prove I'd be the best guy she's ever been with. I gave my all for Lil, and I lost everything for doing it.

Today was the last time I will ever speak with her; she moves in a few days, a result of her parents separating. We said a lot of things to each other, things left unsaid until now, and it broke my heart. Again. Here is this amazing, wonderful, beautiful, funny, intelligent, courageous girl, and I'll never know what could have been. Seeing her today for the last time broke me. Knowing that I will never again see her face, hear her voice, watch her smile and laugh and enjoy life, is the worst feeling imaginable. I would give anything, anything at all, for things to be so much different. I've had a lot of loss in my life, but this is the one I can't take. This is the one that broke me, for good.

Lily told me that I shouldn't beat myself up over this, begged me to. She told me I shouldn't think I can't get girls because I can, that I shouldn't say anything bad about my appearance because I really am a cute guy, that I should stand tall and be confident in myself, that one day I will meet someone who will like me back, to take chances and live life. She told me I should try to make new friends, and that I should take her as a learning experience, that I shouldn't sulk for the next year because she's gone. And she also said I should get help for my depression, that I should try therapy, that I should stop being so angry at the world and try to find happiness. She told me all of this just a few hours ago, and I've been a mess ever since. I cried when she went to walk away for the last time. I cried after she left, I'm crying now as I type this. I feel empty, like everything has no meaning. I don't know how I'm going to keep going without her, she was - is - the only bright spot in my world. She kept me going, even when she rejected me. Even when things were bad. I want to live up to be the person she believes I can be, but I'm afraid that I can't become that person without her. And I want to change, I want to change so badly. I hate the person I am.

If you take anything away from this, don't fall in love. There's far too much to lose. It's not what everybody says it is, it's not happiness and good times and companionship; it's pain, suffering, loss, heartbreak, self-doubt, instability, depression. Love is a trick, you think it is amazing but in reality is has the power to crush you like nothing else can. And it WILL crush you, one day, there isn't any escaping it. I guess I wrote this now, tonight, while I'm a half-drunk emotional train wreck, because I want to warn as many people as I can not to be fooled by this fucking monstrosity. It'll only fuck your life up. It isn't worth the unbearable pain.

Don't fall in love. It'll only break you. I'm proof.

[Uniquemind]

Your proof of unrequited love.

But not the overall concept that it's bad.

I'll give you advice when you're ready for it, for now I sense you want to grieve.

[Jinglebottom]

I'm madly in love with someone who considers me nothing more than a friend, and it does hurt. A lot. But what can you do? I'd also do anything to earn his love, however I doubt he wants it. It's his choice really, I can't do anything.

[Leprous]

All relationships I have been in have either been highly abusive all the way through or have ended up with lies and misunderstandings, never has a relationship actually made me happy for more than 2 months. I'm a person who tends to rely on others to make me happy, and I keep falling in love with the wrong people, every single time.

[Phosphene]

Up until this point I've been pretty hopeless in relationships... either they don't work out and are ended by the other person, my feelings aren't returned, the person is already with someone else, or some combination of those. It hurts, but you know what, we can't expect a perfect relationship to just fall in our lap when we want one. We shouldn't dwell on things not working out because maybe the person you love has dealt with the same feelings you're dealing with now. Just remember your life is never completely void of love - until you find the person you love as a partner, you have love for your family, your friends, and most importantly, for yourself.

[Bontigo Papi .]

It's not a matter of just not falling in love , you just feel it and you have no control , you're always gonna feel a certain way about a person , you don't know if it's love or lust .

[Dalcourt]

I'm sorry this happened to you and it's only natural to feel like that now but I don't think one can't help falling in love.

I mean up to now my relationships haven't been to successful but I don't think I'm prepared to give up yet. I can't help believing in love and the good in people.

So I may be wrong feeling like that but I'd rather be wrong than giving up at my age...I consider giving up once I'm 75 and haven't found my love.

[Babs]

YKnow I'm real sorry that you're hurting bro but you gotta calm yourself. tbh I find that the melodramatic notion of teenage romance~ such as yours is a decent contributor to rejection. Melodrama scares people, and it's a huge red flag for some people. I'm not trying to put you down, really. But it's not that deep.

Instead of laying in fetal position crying about how you've been burned by the cruel mistress named love, you could adjust your attitude a wee bit. No need for blanket statements.

[Just JT]

Think you've posted on this sort of thing before. And I'm really sorry your hurting so much. But the thing is that although how you feel is valid, it's how you feel, you're really beating yourself up pretty bad here bro. Circumstances are what they are and you have no control over them. Ever.

Someday, there will be that person for you. And between now and then if your not careful you might miss it. Could be that person who feels strongly for you and you dont realize it. You may be feeling down cause of your current thing going on and they'll read you as a not interested. And that's that. Missed it, gone.

It's not love that's bad, it's how your feeling right now that's bad. Please understand that. And try and get past this bro. Talk to someone irl before this gets the better half of the other half of you.

[AzuPazu]

I know what you mean. I've had the exact same feeling for years over my ex. Things went wrong and kept letting him return because it had to be my fault.
Years went by , I met someone I liked. Feelings weren't mutual. He pulled away, but never admitted he did it. I wanted to talk about it, but he avoided it. He declined all of those and said I was just assuming and accusing him. I would've believed him if he hadn't been responsive over the past few months. So today I drew the line and deleted him.
I do feel hurt and want to cry, but there's no use in doing so. I just think continuing my life without love because it's obviously not destined for me. Don't take me wrong, it could work for you. But I always end up with unrequited love. :')

[ska8er]

Its better to have loved and lost than
never having to love at all. I'm sure this
will not b the first time this will happen to
u like many of us. I'm going thru the same
right now. Learn from experience and move
on.

[Uniquemind]

But it's interesting to see the variation of how people grieve.

Some take longer than others, each breakup or rejection, also isn't the same.


Others are very pragmatic and grieve for a few months, and others for a few years or more. While some get back into the dating pool as fast as possible given that they aren't getting any younger.

Not to say either way is right or wrong, but certainly there's a middle road to follow here between absolute "shut-in" and immediate going out on the prowl for a date or even a pattern of promiscuity, sometimes leading to a new stable partner, other times to further ruin and mental/physical harm.


It's just one of those things you gotta measure with some introspection about oneself and also help from an objective friend.

Even friends I know who have relationships (both guys and girls btw) go on and off again, dare I say some abuse happens too in some cases, and I wonder if that's due to immaturity or inexperience and heightened emotions.

The relationship itself, I think having it and perceiving it as some sort of trophy is mentally unhealthy. I think it really should be seen as a process or a connection.

--

Let me also add that I think it's normal but dangerous to put a crush on a psychological pedestal of "they're perfect" because once upon closer examination if you hypothetically did get closer to them, they're probably flawed you don't experience wearing the "distant observer", "acquaintance", or even a "friend" label.

Maybe their parents or a close sibling or cousin might know their flaws, but often times people have no clue.


That's why relationships die midway, it starts it fine and then the flaws come out and then annoyances build-up, they aren't addressed properly, and 3rd+ variables get in the way to compound the situation.