I feel nothing.

[parhelion]

I've always been told I seem to show less emotion than others, and being an ENTJ and a schizophrenic, I guess that's true. But that doesn't mean I didn't feel it. It just meant I was better at controlling when I showed it.

But now, I feel nothing. Life has numbed me. I'm just sad all the time, nothing changes. I used to have manic and depressive phases that would last a few weeks at a time, but I can't remember the last time I wasn't tired or sad. I go to bed at 6 pm and wake up 13 hours later, even more on the weekend, and I'm always tired and sad the rest of the day.

I'm too depressed to even talk to my friends. I see one of them at lunch, but talking with him is really taxing, even though I'm an extrovert. Most of my friends are in college already, though, and I can only talk through text. Usually I do, but I haven't talked to them in months because it's been so taxing.

I want to be excited again. I want to not know what's coming next. I want to feel something more. I want to to laugh again. I want to cry again. I want to smile again. I want to be able to talk to people again.

[auser_name]

I can sympathise. MY emotions were not buried because I didn't want to show them. They were buried because I wasn't allowed to show them. It was 'proper" as they say. I had to show the my type of lifestyle was perfect. Never falter in that image. I couldn't show that it was actually a burden for the fear that one of the great pillars of society would crumble and the whole system lay in tatters across the ground. I have learned to feel devoid of emotion. Im empty inside and the only feeling I have now is loneliness. On the outside I'm everything a well brought up boy should be. Well dressed, somewhat intelligent, well spoken. But inside. Inside I'm broken.

[Dalcourt]

Honestly reading your guys posts makes me jealous to some extent. I really wish I could have "less feelings" sometimes. My emotions control a great deal of my life and I always have a hard time control them sometimes.

I guess it's rather difficult to get all your emotions back once you have suppressed them and buried them too deep...that's why I'm not trying to do that and by that life against my own nature.

I can't give you a real advice on what to do but I would say you have to try to do it in small steps. If you are patient they may come back slowly...just don't try to force anything. Forcing them away did harm so the other way will do so. One cannot stand there and say "hey that's an emotional event now I need to summon this or that emotion". Emotions are when you are not thinking so much about it...you have to clear your mind and maybe then gradually your emotions might flow back.
Well kinda hard too explain really.

[bentheplayer]

So it seems that we all want stuff we can't have. I have lived so long with the expectation of not allowing emotions to interfere with the way I act that I just might have forgotten how to feel. Every thing is dead and I don't really feel happy. Heck even smiling makes my facial muscles hurt cos they are so rarely used. What you are looking at is nothing more than a doll being controlled by higher powers to be with the insides all broken and empty. I don't even know if it is a bad thing to feel nothing inside since that has been a normality for me. Even my teachers in school openly called me poker faced.