Issues with finding a girlfriend to the point of insanity?

[kittycat72]

Hi, i'll try my best to explain my situation as quickly and as simple as possible:

So first of all, I'm a sophomore at a high school, and i know some people may say that it's too early, but I personally have been telling myself that for too long but I don't know if it's going to work A couple years ago, i've been in a huge crazy weird relationship with this girl all up until June/July of 2016, and then horrible stuff happened on her part and she changed 180 degrees and now isn't the same person and blocked me a number of times and unblocked me. I finally gave up on her in October/November. Then I found another really nice girl and we sorta liked each other but there were conflicts due to my previous relationship with the other girl who she's essentially besties with, and we've been having a really unhealthy relationship for the past months, which involved her getting excessively mad about things I do (I really honestly don't do anything bad, but she takes a minor thing and goes extreme) and she'll block me (giving me happy flashbacks of girl #1 (sarcasm lmao)) and then unblock me a few nights to a week later or i convince her some how. We never have really spoken in person and thats another odd thing about me and her. But yesterday she blocked me for the hundredth time and I always try begging and pleading for her to undo it and talk, but she always take the alpha position (i know it's my fault because i get submissive when she blocks me) and says she doesn't care and then blocks me more and more. So i said to myself yesterday, "Hey, what you're doing is pretty stupid" and so i kinda realized that if this is my only hope for love or anything, it wasn't healthy at all.

I know it sounds like a lot to ask at this point in my life, but I'd really hope to be able to find someone somehow that doesn't take advantage of me like this and block constantly, and someone that i don't have to plead to just get love and affection from. The problem is, i'm really low on options for girls in my grade at my school and essentially almost every girl is taken, except for some of the ones that I wouldn't feel comfortable dating really. I just really want someone who I can talk to and love and have affection for, as they do the same for me, but not have some sort of risky relationship or stupid things to worry about. And I can't just easily put this at the back of my mind at all. And I hate to say it but i'm the kinda semi-shy kid of the class who is usually quiet and I wouldn't say i'm very popular or anything at all. Is there anyway I could find a girl like this without having to wait for college or anything like that? I've tried stupid online dating but that felt wrong a lot and unsafe so I stopped (unless there's a magic really good website someone knows). I know it sounds like a lot to ask for help for, especially with me being a teen, but the lack of love interest and the love problems recently have all lead to incredible depression and it's not good at all. If anyone can help with any tip or clue on how you can help me, I'd appreciate it so much! Thank you!

[Uniquemind]

It sounds like immaturity is the culprit to blame on both sides.

Ultimately we don't know what your doing that is upsetting to girls.

But some good ground rules are to communicate a balanced lifestyle regarding your personal interests and goals as well as her interests and goals and to not be over controlling of each other.

What that need to be specifically defined.


Also whatever you're doing, you must admit personal bias can influence whether you have a flaw that needs fixing, or if the other party is unreasonable.

[ska8er]

Ur asking for too much too soon and u might
b a bit pushy. U got to ease up a bit and not
try to force urself on someone. I'm not saying
the girls u mentioned were right but u have to
learn when things go wrong u move to something
or someone new. Get to know someone well and
then its a give and take friendship or relationship
of what u want out of it and where it is going.
U might b too hard on urself.

[kittycat72]

It sounds like immaturity is the culprit to blame on both sides.

Ultimately we don't know what your doing that is upsetting to girls.

But some good ground rules are to communicate a balanced lifestyle regarding your personal interests and goals as well as her interests and goals and to not be over controlling of each other.

What that need to be specifically defined.


Also whatever you're doing, you must admit personal bias can influence whether you have a flaw that needs fixing, or if the other party is unreasonable.

I understand what your saying, but as much as I'd like to admit it's a flaw in me, I don't think it is too much. The first girl really just went kinda insane and in one night, without any previous events involving me, changed completely and her reasoning was that I was "clingy", but (again, I understand it could be a me flaw but i'm certain its just her) she called anything about her reading and not replying to a message i sent and then me sending a second message would be "clingy" for her, meanwhile she was messaging up a storm with everyone else. Now I just can't feel more hate for her because she caused a huge scar in my life that she enjoys causing me more pain these days. The second girl, however, at first was that I was too attached to the other girl still, but over time she realized I wasn't talking to her anymore, but in order to have reasoning on why she'll block me like the other day, she'll say all these past mini-problems she had with me, even though we solved them and we were okay with them, and bring them up again and act like we never resolved them and then she'll block me. And she constantly calls be bad things, but if I say one tiny bad thing even back, she'll get furious. I could probably wait a week or so and ask her again or something and she most likely will unblock me again, but idk, She always does this thing where she'll have as her description on instagram after blocking me with "today's a new chapter" or "a new beginning" or something like that, which kinda makes me feel horrible.

Ur asking for too much too soon and u might
b a bit pushy. U got to ease up a bit and not
try to force urself on someone. I'm not saying
the girls u mentioned were right but u have to
learn when things go wrong u move to something
or someone new. Get to know someone well and
then its a give and take friendship or relationship
of what u want out of it and where it is going.
U might b too hard on urself.

You're right, I mean I need to do that and I want to but the problem is that I don't know how to find anyone else because everyone in my grade is essentially going to be a no.

Thank you so much for the responses! I appreciate them a ton

[Uniquemind]

I understand what your saying, but as much as I'd like to admit it's a flaw in me, I don't think it is too much. The first girl really just went kinda insane and in one night, without any previous events involving me, changed completely and her reasoning was that I was "clingy", but (again, I understand it could be a me flaw but i'm certain its just her) she called anything about her reading and not replying to a message i sent and then me sending a second message would be "clingy" for her, meanwhile she was messaging up a storm with everyone else. Now I just can't feel more hate for her because she caused a huge scar in my life that she enjoys causing me more pain these days. The second girl, however, at first was that I was too attached to the other girl still, but over time she realized I wasn't talking to her anymore, but in order to have reasoning on why she'll block me like the other day, she'll say all these past mini-problems she had with me, even though we solved them and we were okay with them, and bring them up again and act like we never resolved them and then she'll block me. And she constantly calls be bad things, but if I say one tiny bad thing even back, she'll get furious. I could probably wait a week or so and ask her again or something and she most likely will unblock me again, but idk, She always does this thing where she'll have as her description on instagram after blocking me with "today's a new chapter" or "a new beginning" or something like that, which kinda makes me feel horrible.



You're right, I mean I need to do that and I want to but the problem is that I don't know how to find anyone else because everyone in my grade is essentially going to be a no.

Thank you so much for the responses! I appreciate them a ton



So immaturity for sure on both sides. I think you're very well stuck approaching the issue of relationships logically and not as emotionally.

Also the rate of messaging (who messages who and how much) isn't as important as what the conversations are about.

I can tell immediately that you're missing subtext and like most guys, you are interpreting the start of the problem in a relation at the verbal onset of when she verbally expresses discontent.

Here's something you need to know, usually if something is causing an undercurrent upset in a relationship, other details show first before any verbal expression of discontent is said.

You need to train to sense those moments and self-analyze yourself to make sure it wasn't something you did, versus an environmental upset from a 3rd party (romantic competition, or just a friend of theirs made their day bad).

Other times you are completely right though, sometimes it's not you and it's them and their expectations are too high for their partners.

So it really is a case by case basis. The thing to remember is this, that you need too keep growing yourself as an individual that itself the independence should make you feel happier about life, and eventually you'll find someone if you stay disciplined and opened to romantic opportunities (meaning you'll have to sense those opportunities and act upon them gracefully).

[ska8er]

I understand what your saying, but as much as I'd like to admit it's a flaw in me, I don't think it is too much. The first girl really just went kinda insane and in one night, without any previous events involving me, changed completely and her reasoning was that I was "clingy", but (again, I understand it could be a me flaw but i'm certain its just her) she called anything about her reading and not replying to a message i sent and then me sending a second message would be "clingy" for her, meanwhile she was messaging up a storm with everyone else. Now I just can't feel more hate for her because she caused a huge scar in my life that she enjoys causing me more pain these days. The second girl, however, at first was that I was too attached to the other girl still, but over time she realized I wasn't talking to her anymore, but in order to have reasoning on why she'll block me like the other day, she'll say all these past mini-problems she had with me, even though we solved them and we were okay with them, and bring them up again and act like we never resolved them and then she'll block me. And she constantly calls be bad things, but if I say one tiny bad thing even back, she'll get furious. I could probably wait a week or so and ask her again or something and she most likely will unblock me again, but idk, She always does this thing where she'll have as her description on instagram after blocking me with "today's a new chapter" or "a new beginning" or something like that, which kinda makes me feel horrible.



You're right, I mean I need to do that and I want to but the problem is that I don't know how to find anyone else because everyone in my grade is essentially going to be a no.

Thank you so much for the responses! I appreciate them a ton


Ur defeated before u even try to find someone and that
is one of ur probs. U say everyone in ur grade is "going to b"
a No-U really believe that? Then if this is so- what bout the babes
in the grade behind or forward? Have u even tried? Forget bout
the past-learn from experience.

[jamie_n5]

You seem to be pushing things way too hard and expect too much too soon. Slow down and take things easy. When you meet girls don't try to come on strong early on. You need to get to know girls slowly and find out about each other and that type of thing. The way you had been acting you probably scared off or came on too strong and that is why you got blocked and stuff. So just take your time and go easy. You will find someone.

[WhoWhatWhen]

As people above had said, you're kind of pushing it. Don't worry about finding someone because you will eventually. And if you really, really, need someone, try looking in your community. If you go to church, maybe participate in activities that might have people of your age group. I know there are online dating site for teenagers out there so maybe try those (be careful though)?

[kittycat72]

Thank you so much for the replies and advice! I really super appreciate the ideas and i'm going to be going to definitely be taking everyone's advice. I know this sounds stupid and I'm sorry but could I ask how it looks like i'm being pushy? I just want to know so I can improve a ton on it and I'm sorry i'm so stupid that i can't figure it out myself. But thank you!!

[Uniquemind]

Thank you so much for the replies and advice! I really super appreciate the ideas and i'm going to be going to definitely be taking everyone's advice. I know this sounds stupid and I'm sorry but could I ask how it looks like i'm being pushy? I just want to know so I can improve a ton on it and I'm sorry i'm so stupid that i can't figure it out myself. But thank you!!

To put it bluntly, my two cents is this.

Your mindset is about acquiring a girlfriend as if it's the latest trend in order to keep up with your perceived peers. It a jealousy perspective, and it gives off a vibe of "if I have a partner, I'll be on everyone else's level, and I'll feel okay about my self-esteem".

Where in that is a foundation of a healthy, soul-searching journey with a partner?

Focus on generally widening your social network and being fun and flirty. Know or learn when to read body language that is open versus defensive and just become skilled in something or many things.

The more talents you acquire the more creative and clever you can be, and those traits for generations all come back as qualities that are attractive.

1. Creative
2. Goal-oriented (aka: driven, motivated)


I'll also be honest, good looks helps as does money (so if you can, get a job), and good hygiene is a must.

[kittycat72]

To put it bluntly, my two cents is this.

Your mindset is about acquiring a girlfriend as if it's the latest trend in order to keep up with your perceived peers. It a jealousy perspective, and it gives off a vibe of "if I have a partner, I'll be on everyone else's level, and I'll feel okay about my self-esteem".

Where in that is a foundation of a healthy, soul-searching journey with a partner?

Focus on generally widening your social network and being fun and flirty. Know or learn when to read body language that is open versus defensive and just become skilled in something or many things.

The more talents you acquire the more creative and clever you can be, and those traits for generations all come back as qualities that are attractive.

1. Creative
2. Goal-oriented (aka: driven, motivated)


I'll also be honest, good looks helps as does money (so if you can, get a job), and good hygiene is a must.

Alright, I mean I really like taking an out of the box view at things, but I do really like this girl and it's not for just peer pressure, it's because I really just like her. And do you have any opinion on what I should do with the girl that blocked me the other day? I haven't talked to her for a couple days and I'm really missing her and worried about her because she gets depressed quickly and I'm noticing in her bio on instagram, she posted a link to a sad song. She also has blocked me on everything (she just does it before I can even access any of them) but her blocking me becomes so common that I think it should roll over soon but is there anything you could suggest me to help it out? And I really am stressed as hell worried about her and hoping to talk to her again because I'm going to see her at school a number of times and we don't talk at school, but we still heavily notice each other. Thanks!

[Uniquemind]

Alright, I mean I really like taking an out of the box view at things, but I do really like this girl and it's not for just peer pressure, it's because I really just like her. And do you have any opinion on what I should do with the girl that blocked me the other day? I haven't talked to her for a couple days and I'm really missing her and worried about her because she gets depressed quickly and I'm noticing in her bio on instagram, she posted a link to a sad song. She also has blocked me on everything (she just does it before I can even access any of them) but her blocking me becomes so common that I think it should roll over soon but is there anything you could suggest me to help it out? And I really am stressed as hell worried about her and hoping to talk to her again because I'm going to see her at school a number of times and we don't talk at school, but we still heavily notice each other. Thanks!

I don't have advice in terms of forcing a kind of scenario to happen.

But the first step would be to calm down and let things play out. You can't control what you can't control, and her blocking you is one of those things you can't control.

If the problem persists you'd have to confront her directly face to face and just talk this out.

The next problem is overcoming shyness and also letting these things roll off your back.

And the last two pieces of my previous post is advice you should act on.

I also didn't say "only" peer pressure was driving your motivations, the point is just an element of that, will taint the rest of the endeavor.