Not sure what to do

[geo_]

So basically, I have been going out with my girlfriend now for 2 years and 3 months

I'd say that the longer the relationship has lasted, the more I seem to fall in love with her

However, she seems to be very close with her mother and the rest of her immediate family.

I have trouble spending time with her because whenever I ask her to catch up, she simply says "Not sure" or "Maybe". Most times as well when we have plans she usually changes them, cancels them or is very late to a agreed time.

She complains that I put a lot of pressure on her to see her or hassle her about catching up, however we really only see each other 2-3 times a week.

We've both recently finished high school and we're both 18 now, so we are both independent, however she seems to be very dependant on her family.

Whenever she says she's not sure about seeing me it's because she doesn't know if her mother has plans for her to do something, which I find very ridiculous because it's as simple as "Hey mum, I'm seeing my boyfriend tomorrow at 2pm" and her mum should be able to work around that, however it seems that her mum is her first priority and it has become that whenever we make plans she is very spontaneous.

She also seems to not enjoy staying over, we never had a sleepover for the first 2 years together. In the past 2 months however, we have had a handful but it really seems like she is so caught up with her family.

I am not a very busy person and can usually fit in with whatever she has on, however I look to find some certainty with plans we are going to have and it is impossible for me to get it. I don't even feel like I'm putting pressure on her. She also doesn't have any commitments but always finds time to be busy with her family.

I'm really in love with her and am there all the time, however she insists she hasn't lost interest in the relationship and makes me feel like an idiot whenever I ask about that.

I'm really not sure what to do about it because whenever I make a suggestion about what she could say to her mum or how we could sort something out she says "Don't tell me how to speak to my mum" etc.

I really need some advice on what to say and how to overcome this problem, I'm really stuck.

[geo_]

Whenever I see her for the first time in a while she is usually very cold and has a huge wall up with me, however after some time with her she seems to become very lovey and turned on.

It's somewhat like the more I see her the more she wants to see me, but when I don't see her much her interest drops a lot.

[ska8er]

Maybe u r pressuring her a bit and she is
losing interest in the relationship. U have
to accept that still her family comes first
especially her mother. Ask her if she needs
any help round her house and this way u
will c her more often.

[geo_]

I'm not trying to pressure her though, and if she ever says I am, I back off
She just doesn't like certainty, because her mum might have something for her.
I understand family comes first, but you can't be with your family 24/7

[ClaraWho]

To me it sounds like the relationship has become very one sided. You are the one always making the plans, trying to make it work, putting in the effort. It takes two. Honestly it sounds like you are hitting your head against a brick wall, is this really what you want from a relationship?

I'd stop bothering. Don't try to make any plans. Stop arranging to meet up.

If she starts making an effort, great! Maybe she will miss you. If she doesn't? Well I think that says it all.

If she only contacts you once in a while to hang out, that's not really 'love' by any definition I know. That sounds more like a kind of mild friendship with rare benefits. Might be time to then sit down and discuss exactly what you both want out of a relationship, and maybe part ways.

~ Clara

[jamie_n5]

Well it sure looks like she has very strong ties to her family. It's great that she gets along with her family and is close to them. I think that with time and patience on your part she will eventually want to get closer to you also if she really loves you. It may take a while. I am sure she will want to still be close and connected to her family. Hopefully she will become more independent and get closer to you. I would say if she doesn't get closer to you and spending more time with you and dedicating herself to be on time and keeping dates and things with you after this year or sooner that it would be time to break up and move on. You deserve to be happy and have someone who is really into you and will give of themselves to you. Good luck.

[Just JT]

Family dynamics are different everywhere. I think sometimes a larger family might be closer. Maybe girls are just more dependent on moms or something. I think it's a bond you can't change. And you shouldn't.

Maybe try and become more involved with her with her family. That might change stuff. And as they get to know you they might see how I,portamt ir is for the both of you.

But also maybe you are being to pushy for HER....everyone's different and you may not know what her family obligations are completely. Just saying.

Maybe back off a little and wait for her. If she loves you also, she'll seek you out. And go from there.

Just seems to me that if your serious about her, for the long term, don't expect it to change. She's committed to her family, a bond much stronger than you may be able to make with her