CanuckDude
January 3rd, 2017, 02:43 PM
Hi all, so as you can see by my title, it's one of those stories.
I don't really give this a crazy amount of thought because it freaks me out like....A LOT.
I don't even know where to begin but I feel gay. Or bi. Idek. I have always imagined myself liking girls and kissing chicks. In elementary school, I had a crush on this girl for 2 years! In grade 7 and 8, I met this other girl in my class and IMMEDIATELY fell all over her face and I was shy and nervous around her because I'd always look her in the eyes. I'm in grade 12 now and we haven't talked for 3-4 years so I don't know how I truly feel about her. However, whenever I see her in the halls, I still get nervous (which is funny bcuz I doubt she even notices me or cares about me---she did know I liked her back in 7&8th grade).
Now this is where the gay component plays in...I notice these weird feelings for straight men (I can't stand girly gay men, no offence, they are hilarious and all but I feel no attraction whatsoever). To be specific, there is a guy in my class and from time to time, I'm staring at his face shamelessly. I know everyone here is going to say "Oh thats normal" but I can't even imagine coming out to my Christian+Middle Eastern parents. On top of that, all my cousins and relatives would know too.
Even in the halls, sometimes I look at their faces. Nothing else, just the face. I don't know if I'm jealous of the face but I doubt that. I also occasionally look at the faces of women in my high school but that just doesn't feel the same way for some reason.
Now my porn fantasies...I can't stand watching gay porn (at least for now unless I am in denial, I don't know!!!) but I do *SOMETIMES* enjoy watching a straight man masturbate. That's what gets me worried about my sexuality. I mostly watch straight porn but when I do watch that, I try to look for videos where the guy is a normal teen like in my school...a good looking, not overly buff and fake, guy. I find that it turns me on watching a good looking guy bang a chick. I try to force myself into watching lesbian porn but I don't get crazy erections. I also don't get crazy erections when thinking of boobs and butts. Instead, i have to try and force the thought of me enjoying boobs and butts in order for me to get an erection. Some people say it's not just the body parts but I dont even understand myself anymore.
Also, i like the thought of other STRAIGHT, good looking men, masturbating. For women, I just feel like I want to make out with them and hug them. I'm curious about having sex with a lady but nervous I won't even be able to stay hard. Sometimes when I watch gay porn, I try to see if I feel hard. Sometimes it happens but most of the time, it turns me off. I still enjoy watching straight porn the most because I like the thought of a guy having sex with a woman. Earlier, I stated that I watch good looking men having sex with ladies but I also enjoy POV anal sex where all I see is the penis inserting the vagina (no faces). With that, I imagine myself banging the girl and at the same time, think of some good looking guys in my class banging the girl.
I don't know what I am. I'm always hearing straight girls call other girls pretty and beautiful. For guys, I feel we try to hide our feelings. I always hear other teen guys talking about this hot chick and I just don't feel it. I can admit they are pretty and good looking but I don't always get very hard.
I just want to add, maybe its a phase? I doubt it because I have never really gotten boners by looking at boobs and butts. I know my cousin who is in 7th grade, he talked to me about this and he told me boobs and butts gave him boners and him saying that alone got me slightly horny.
ALSO want to add that sometimes when I think of good looking straight men, I get an erection but other times they just turn me off. Even the guys in my class. One day I'm into it, the next day i'm over it. It's like an annoying switch. I know lots of girls I would like to kiss and maybe I just need to give myself more time to see what I really am... Any advice is appreciated!
I don't really give this a crazy amount of thought because it freaks me out like....A LOT.
I don't even know where to begin but I feel gay. Or bi. Idek. I have always imagined myself liking girls and kissing chicks. In elementary school, I had a crush on this girl for 2 years! In grade 7 and 8, I met this other girl in my class and IMMEDIATELY fell all over her face and I was shy and nervous around her because I'd always look her in the eyes. I'm in grade 12 now and we haven't talked for 3-4 years so I don't know how I truly feel about her. However, whenever I see her in the halls, I still get nervous (which is funny bcuz I doubt she even notices me or cares about me---she did know I liked her back in 7&8th grade).
Now this is where the gay component plays in...I notice these weird feelings for straight men (I can't stand girly gay men, no offence, they are hilarious and all but I feel no attraction whatsoever). To be specific, there is a guy in my class and from time to time, I'm staring at his face shamelessly. I know everyone here is going to say "Oh thats normal" but I can't even imagine coming out to my Christian+Middle Eastern parents. On top of that, all my cousins and relatives would know too.
Even in the halls, sometimes I look at their faces. Nothing else, just the face. I don't know if I'm jealous of the face but I doubt that. I also occasionally look at the faces of women in my high school but that just doesn't feel the same way for some reason.
Now my porn fantasies...I can't stand watching gay porn (at least for now unless I am in denial, I don't know!!!) but I do *SOMETIMES* enjoy watching a straight man masturbate. That's what gets me worried about my sexuality. I mostly watch straight porn but when I do watch that, I try to look for videos where the guy is a normal teen like in my school...a good looking, not overly buff and fake, guy. I find that it turns me on watching a good looking guy bang a chick. I try to force myself into watching lesbian porn but I don't get crazy erections. I also don't get crazy erections when thinking of boobs and butts. Instead, i have to try and force the thought of me enjoying boobs and butts in order for me to get an erection. Some people say it's not just the body parts but I dont even understand myself anymore.
Also, i like the thought of other STRAIGHT, good looking men, masturbating. For women, I just feel like I want to make out with them and hug them. I'm curious about having sex with a lady but nervous I won't even be able to stay hard. Sometimes when I watch gay porn, I try to see if I feel hard. Sometimes it happens but most of the time, it turns me off. I still enjoy watching straight porn the most because I like the thought of a guy having sex with a woman. Earlier, I stated that I watch good looking men having sex with ladies but I also enjoy POV anal sex where all I see is the penis inserting the vagina (no faces). With that, I imagine myself banging the girl and at the same time, think of some good looking guys in my class banging the girl.
I don't know what I am. I'm always hearing straight girls call other girls pretty and beautiful. For guys, I feel we try to hide our feelings. I always hear other teen guys talking about this hot chick and I just don't feel it. I can admit they are pretty and good looking but I don't always get very hard.
I just want to add, maybe its a phase? I doubt it because I have never really gotten boners by looking at boobs and butts. I know my cousin who is in 7th grade, he talked to me about this and he told me boobs and butts gave him boners and him saying that alone got me slightly horny.
ALSO want to add that sometimes when I think of good looking straight men, I get an erection but other times they just turn me off. Even the guys in my class. One day I'm into it, the next day i'm over it. It's like an annoying switch. I know lots of girls I would like to kiss and maybe I just need to give myself more time to see what I really am... Any advice is appreciated!