Mayuri
January 2nd, 2017, 08:03 PM
I'm not really sure what I want to say here so I'm just going to say what comes into my head... Sorry if this ends up being kind of long...
Term starts again in 3 days, and I'm kind of freaking out at the moment. I go to a boarding school with a lot of international students. Right before the end of term before everyone went home for christmas, something happened.
Most of the girls dorm was completely empty, and there were just a few stragglers (myself included) left behind, waiting to go back home for Christmas. Until this last year and a half maybe 2 years, I've never had a crush on anyone before. I guess I was so concerned with liking people that I'm told I should like, and trying to understand why I should like them, that I never realised that I never really liked guys much, and didn't really understand my attraction to girls.
That is, until a new girl transferred to our school. This new girl from Canada started at our school. She didn't seem to make friends very quickly (kinda like me) and seemed kinda quiet (also like me). She's so amazingly pretty, she's slim and slightly taller than me, and has long wavy brown hair and when I look at her I get butterflies in my stomach.
I guess it took me a while to realise that I actually had a crush on her, or to understand what it was that I was feeling.
I'm a fairly shy person so I've never been very good at introducing myself to people. But eventually I kept making excuses to see her even if I had no idea what to say or do. I kept on telling the small group of friends that I do have that I was going to the library to study, and then I'd end up just sitting near her reading (she seems to spend a lot of time reading in there).
This went on for a few weeks, and then I eventually got the courage together to say hi to her, and we began talking a little bit more but it still felt kind of awkward. She caught me looking at her quite a bit and I guess I'm not the best at being subtle so I probably made it really obvious whenever I tried to quickly look away.
So this went on a for a little bit up until just before christmas. With term nearly over, we could do pretty much whatever we wanted and I kept going to the library to see her. As that last week went, people started packing and getting ready to go home for Christmas, although it turned out that I was going to be one of the last people to leave. As everyone left it became a lot quieter and eventually there was just a handful of students left at school still. There wasn't much else to do so I went back to the library as usual, and she was there again. For whatever reason (maybe just loneliness with almost everyone else being gone for xmas, I don't know), this time we got talking. It was so exciting finally getting to talk to her properly and even though there were lots of awkward silences, we ended up talking quite a lot.
With less than a week to go before term ended, we turned up at the library the next day to be told that they're closing up for christmas and that they won't be open again until after christmas. With nothing else to do we decided we should hang out for a bit. We went for a walk to the nearby village (we're not really supposed to but it's not that hard to sneak out if you time it right and don't mind walking over fields).
I don't quite know how to describe it but it felt really special for some reason being alone with her like that. And somehow, being almost forced together like this made it very easy to talk suddenly. While we were walking we talked about lots of stuff and I actually felt close to her. We got some food from the local shop in the village and walked back, and sat around on a bench in the schools garden talking for hours and hours until it got dark. We decided to meet and go for a walk the next day as well. It seemed kind of lonely the night before, being alone after we'd spent the whole day together, so I jokingly suggested a "sleepover" in my dorm...which she actually said yes too.
So again we made our way across the fields to the nearby village to buy food and snacks for that night. We quickly hid the snacks in my flats fridge when we got back and then went back to the garden to talk some more. This time when it started to get dark we went back to our dorms, but this time she went and gathered some of her things and came back over about half an hour later in her pyjamas with a pillow. We ended up watching films until fairly late at night, talking and laughing about things. We ended up holding hands. Then when we started talking about going home for christmas (I was being picked up the next day in the afternoon), I had to be stupid and started getting upset.
When she asked why, I said I was going to miss her. This seemed to surprise her or catch her off guard, and she seemed kind of upset and said she would miss me too... ...and kissed me.
I nearly freaked out then and there because it surprised me so much. We sat around kind of awkward for a bit until I tried to say something to her although I couldn't get the words out. She kissed me again (which was what I was awkwardly trying to ask for) and the rest of the night was fairly similar to that.
We ended up sleeping together on the sofa (not in a sexual way). The next morning I felt kinda awkward, because I'm still not sure entirely how comfortable I am with what happened. I really really liked it and I really like her but.. everything happened so fast that I'm not even sure what to think about it.
I really really like her and I think I want to be with her more. But at the same time I'm kinda scared about what people will think/say (especially when I have to live with everyone until we leave school).
We go back to school on Thursday, and I'm freaking out because I'm not sure if this means that we're girlfriends now or how I'm supposed to act and I don't know what to say to her.
We've swapped mobile numbers but there isn't very good signal where she lives, and because of the time zones too it's made it hard to talk over christmas. We've spoken as much as we can but I've still not dared to ask if we're going out or anything and I don't really know what to do when I see her in person again :(
I'm really shy and awkward as it is but I have no idea what to do now...
Sorry I didn't mean for this to end up being so long.. :/
Term starts again in 3 days, and I'm kind of freaking out at the moment. I go to a boarding school with a lot of international students. Right before the end of term before everyone went home for christmas, something happened.
Most of the girls dorm was completely empty, and there were just a few stragglers (myself included) left behind, waiting to go back home for Christmas. Until this last year and a half maybe 2 years, I've never had a crush on anyone before. I guess I was so concerned with liking people that I'm told I should like, and trying to understand why I should like them, that I never realised that I never really liked guys much, and didn't really understand my attraction to girls.
That is, until a new girl transferred to our school. This new girl from Canada started at our school. She didn't seem to make friends very quickly (kinda like me) and seemed kinda quiet (also like me). She's so amazingly pretty, she's slim and slightly taller than me, and has long wavy brown hair and when I look at her I get butterflies in my stomach.
I guess it took me a while to realise that I actually had a crush on her, or to understand what it was that I was feeling.
I'm a fairly shy person so I've never been very good at introducing myself to people. But eventually I kept making excuses to see her even if I had no idea what to say or do. I kept on telling the small group of friends that I do have that I was going to the library to study, and then I'd end up just sitting near her reading (she seems to spend a lot of time reading in there).
This went on for a few weeks, and then I eventually got the courage together to say hi to her, and we began talking a little bit more but it still felt kind of awkward. She caught me looking at her quite a bit and I guess I'm not the best at being subtle so I probably made it really obvious whenever I tried to quickly look away.
So this went on a for a little bit up until just before christmas. With term nearly over, we could do pretty much whatever we wanted and I kept going to the library to see her. As that last week went, people started packing and getting ready to go home for Christmas, although it turned out that I was going to be one of the last people to leave. As everyone left it became a lot quieter and eventually there was just a handful of students left at school still. There wasn't much else to do so I went back to the library as usual, and she was there again. For whatever reason (maybe just loneliness with almost everyone else being gone for xmas, I don't know), this time we got talking. It was so exciting finally getting to talk to her properly and even though there were lots of awkward silences, we ended up talking quite a lot.
With less than a week to go before term ended, we turned up at the library the next day to be told that they're closing up for christmas and that they won't be open again until after christmas. With nothing else to do we decided we should hang out for a bit. We went for a walk to the nearby village (we're not really supposed to but it's not that hard to sneak out if you time it right and don't mind walking over fields).
I don't quite know how to describe it but it felt really special for some reason being alone with her like that. And somehow, being almost forced together like this made it very easy to talk suddenly. While we were walking we talked about lots of stuff and I actually felt close to her. We got some food from the local shop in the village and walked back, and sat around on a bench in the schools garden talking for hours and hours until it got dark. We decided to meet and go for a walk the next day as well. It seemed kind of lonely the night before, being alone after we'd spent the whole day together, so I jokingly suggested a "sleepover" in my dorm...which she actually said yes too.
So again we made our way across the fields to the nearby village to buy food and snacks for that night. We quickly hid the snacks in my flats fridge when we got back and then went back to the garden to talk some more. This time when it started to get dark we went back to our dorms, but this time she went and gathered some of her things and came back over about half an hour later in her pyjamas with a pillow. We ended up watching films until fairly late at night, talking and laughing about things. We ended up holding hands. Then when we started talking about going home for christmas (I was being picked up the next day in the afternoon), I had to be stupid and started getting upset.
When she asked why, I said I was going to miss her. This seemed to surprise her or catch her off guard, and she seemed kind of upset and said she would miss me too... ...and kissed me.
I nearly freaked out then and there because it surprised me so much. We sat around kind of awkward for a bit until I tried to say something to her although I couldn't get the words out. She kissed me again (which was what I was awkwardly trying to ask for) and the rest of the night was fairly similar to that.
We ended up sleeping together on the sofa (not in a sexual way). The next morning I felt kinda awkward, because I'm still not sure entirely how comfortable I am with what happened. I really really liked it and I really like her but.. everything happened so fast that I'm not even sure what to think about it.
I really really like her and I think I want to be with her more. But at the same time I'm kinda scared about what people will think/say (especially when I have to live with everyone until we leave school).
We go back to school on Thursday, and I'm freaking out because I'm not sure if this means that we're girlfriends now or how I'm supposed to act and I don't know what to say to her.
We've swapped mobile numbers but there isn't very good signal where she lives, and because of the time zones too it's made it hard to talk over christmas. We've spoken as much as we can but I've still not dared to ask if we're going out or anything and I don't really know what to do when I see her in person again :(
I'm really shy and awkward as it is but I have no idea what to do now...
Sorry I didn't mean for this to end up being so long.. :/