Don't know how to title this

[Phosphene]

I tried so many titles for this thread but none adequately conveyed what I'm feeling. I don't expect there to be many (any?) replies; it's mainly just me rambling about a very special person.

On this day one year ago, one of the best friends I've ever had changed schools. I didn't take the news well - I cried so much and was very lost for quite some time after she was gone, especially at school. We were inseparable: we walked to class together, sat together at lunch, practiced our cheerleading routines together, did each other's hair... you name it. There wasn't anything we couldn't talk about. She never failed to make me smile. Around her I came out of my shell and was able to share her carefree nature. I have never met anyone as unafraid to be themselves as she is, and that is so inspiring to me.

I felt like an outcast walking to class alone. Without her with me, I became more introverted and quiet. This is going to sound really cliche, but my ray of sunshine was gone and I was left under a dark, stormy sky. Before she left, I was beginning to experience the onset of depression, and her leaving pushed me over the edge, which I didn't climb back over for months.

It's been too long since I've talked to her, longer than I want to admit. I miss her so much and want to rekindle our friendship. When I feel down I think of her. She got bullied for being herself, something so many people don't have the courage to do, yet even the pain of that couldn't extinguish the light inside her. That, along with her loyalty, enthusiasm for life, genuine desire to help others, and unbridled spirit fills me with such love and respect for her. She is a beautiful person and I will treasure her forever.

[EUnmelq84]

In a way, I can understand what you're going through. A very close friend of mine (who I just met recently like 3 yrs) moved to another country this summer. We slowly became best friends, but i guess the loss i have can't compare to what you are going through. The last time I was bullied (teasing and taunting) was in elementary school. When I met this friend, i didn't really give her a good first impression. I was horrible and helpless. For a time, i kept it all in. I was okay until 8thgrade. I lost friendships, and I lost myself. I just broke down when high school came around. I was depressed (still kind of ) and was so pessimistic. My grades plummeted and i forgot who i was. I became something I was not and I was still able to get a person like her to be my friend. We are polar opposites from each other. I only have 2 other friends who attend my school, but they aren't close to me as she is. I rarely talk to them though. I miss her alot.

I apologize if i went off-topic. I did lose another close friend in middle school. She was the closest thing to me in that class. We slowly grew apart and that's where everything just came crashing down. I still talk to my best friend, the one who moved to another country. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm here for you.

[auser_name]

I know exactly how you feel. This happened to me in my first year of sixth formed. I never got attach to anybody other than this person and the day he tole me he was leaving. I stood with a stiff upper lip and told him if it was better for him then he should do it but the second I got to my bed I couldn't stop crying. Me nd hime still talk today kind of but its not the same anymore. its not the same as seeing one another everyday and spending all the free time we had with one another.

[EUnmelq84]

I'm sorry. I did have that kind of relationship with my friend back in class 8, even after we drifted apart. During my freshman year we talked on twitter for some time, but it was not the same as before. I never spoke to her since and i deleted that account.

[jamie_n5]

I am so sorry for you. It must hurt so much. Does she try stay in touch with you and you ignore her or is it that you just kind of quit communicating? I would just take the initiative and reach out to her and pour your heart out to her and tell her how you feel. She may have adjusted better than you but she may also be hurting as much as you are. Start the New Year out right and reach out to her and try reconnect.

[Phosphene]

Thank you to everyone for your kind words, it really means a lot. It's just that, I met her a year and a half before she left, and I didn't become friends with her until a year after I met her. That's usually how my friendships come about. I guess I'm subconsciously getting familiar with the person so that I know they're worth pursuing a friendship with. I regret not getting to know her before that. Our bond became so strong in a short time... having her swept away unexpectedly was so painful.

Jamie_n: We just gradually communicated less... we called each other and messaged on Kik, but we're both so busy that the amount of time between our calls grew and I deleted Kik months ago because I hardly use it anymore. We talked a little and even tried to hang out after this school year started, but we couldn't find a good time for both of us and she lives a few hours away. I'm going to reconnect with her, this time for good. It's officially a New Year's resolution :)

[Vegas2933]

I am so sorry. One of my best friends has been off school for quite a while, and I have been dying without her! Your situation is a bit more long term though but I hop you got through it ok!

[idefineme]

I'm your story in reverse .I had leave school from my best friend. We would talk the whole day work out together and during my first attempted suicide he was there trying to stop me unafraid and faithfully. He would steal the medication that was damaging to me and hide it from me.
Not to put ice on your fire but distance has completely changed my relationship. Now when we speak its like the friendship we had was never there and he was doubting it the whole time along with my sanity. Other friends have reacted in a more positive way than this.
Good luck in getting in touch.