AdolescentBoyBlue
February 23rd, 2014, 06:10 AM
Its you its you its all for you everything i do i tell you all the time heaven is place on earth with you-lana del rey
Keep thinking about that phrase,and how for some reason i always worry if what i do will make my mother happy.i always did everything she wanted me to so that we could be happy with each other...she asks me if im okay if im getting bad again and all i think when she asks is,why?why do you care if i get bad,i cant be happy becaude if i am she gets mad or sad,she doesnt see that she subconsciously only cares about her happiness.the other day i thought to myself 'im already in pain,i might as well just pretend to be straight for her and get with a girl,it would shut her up for once and make her okay with me.all i really wanna do now is just sleep.i stopped smoking while im looking for a job which sucks cuz when i smoke its easier for me to feel relaxed and okay for a lil while also keeps the nightmares away. It hurts a lot this pain in my chest and the one om my wrist.i figure that depression is something that ill be stuck with for however long i live.i recently decided that i dont want kids b\c there lives would be sad like this world. I wish i was different. ..
Keep thinking about that phrase,and how for some reason i always worry if what i do will make my mother happy.i always did everything she wanted me to so that we could be happy with each other...she asks me if im okay if im getting bad again and all i think when she asks is,why?why do you care if i get bad,i cant be happy becaude if i am she gets mad or sad,she doesnt see that she subconsciously only cares about her happiness.the other day i thought to myself 'im already in pain,i might as well just pretend to be straight for her and get with a girl,it would shut her up for once and make her okay with me.all i really wanna do now is just sleep.i stopped smoking while im looking for a job which sucks cuz when i smoke its easier for me to feel relaxed and okay for a lil while also keeps the nightmares away. It hurts a lot this pain in my chest and the one om my wrist.i figure that depression is something that ill be stuck with for however long i live.i recently decided that i dont want kids b\c there lives would be sad like this world. I wish i was different. ..