Shit at relationships

[Davestovies]

Hi guys.

First post here and I kind of wanted to just do a bit of a sort of rant towards myself while asking a question (if that makes sense).

Basically I've been thinking about previous relationships I've been in and I keep thinking about all the chances I didn't take like: kissing the girl I was with when we were on a date at the cinema and not meeting up with a girl I liked because I was shit scared and it honestly makes me annoyed and regretful. Couple that with that fact I've completely blown every relationship I've had with any girls I've dated (I never keep in contact with them or they fall out with me and we never speak again) basically means I have no chance of going back and trying again. It just gets me down sometimes that I've never been good with relationships with girls (as a friend and as a girlfriend) and my lack of social life pretty much means I have fuck all chance with anyone I know around me in school. My one question is why is social so fucking hard and why is getting to know a girl on a level where they'd date you so hard?

Anyway I hope some of you guys could with dealing this and I hope my first post made sense.

Thanks :confused:

[ska8er]

Youre lacking self confidence and probably
subconsciously when u r on a date or get to
know a girl u r thinking that maybe ur not
good enough for her or for relationships.
U say u were on dates so u must have had
some experience to ask a girl out but then
fail to move on it-one thing is that in order
for a relationship to last u have to give in a
little and not shy away and don't stand a girl
up because doing so u will never have friends
cause everyone will know what to expect of u.
I would say get to know a girl and stick with
that relationship and give her utmost attention
and if u feel shy tell her and if she does like u
she will help u-the thing is make it work.

[jamie_n5]

Well first of all you need to like yourself and then secondly you need a little confidence. You need to socialize with others join in group discussions and talk to people. Say hi and initiate conversation and things like that.

[mick01]

Maybe you could make friends, and just friends, with one or two girls and maybe they can help you understand what's important to a girl when you go on dates or start a relationship. If you're really aware of what girls need from you and you can respond to that, maybe you'd have more success.

[Emilyyy]

Hello, fellow Scottish person!

Although it's true that most girls want to date someone with an interesting social life and all that it's really not the most important thing for every girl. I'll let you into a secret, deep down, we are looking for someone we can be ourselves around and someone who appreciates us for who we are. I am sure if you make friends with the right girl you will hit it off with her. Don't be too clingy or anything but just let her know she's awesome and make her feel loved, it will score you many a brownie point with her. As for getting a bit of a social life, I can't help you with that as wouldn't know what to say :/

[ClaraWho]

Reading in to what you are saying, the funadation of any relationship - friendship or romantic, is a genuine care for and interest in the individual. It sounds like that is what has been lacking, almost as if you are trying to 'make it work' as a connection, rather than it being organic and natural. Stop with the superficial, the titles, just find that real connection and it won't be an effort to make it work.

~ Clara

[Just JT]

I agree. If you find the right person it won't seem so hard. You'll. Still have to work at it. But if you have a genuine interest then it'll just be natural and normal.

Couple thing I'm wondering is;
1). Are you sure your into girls
2). Do you have any social anxiety disorders or onnthe spectrum or something?

[Bontigo Papi .]

I feel your pain bruv . it's not like I didnt get to do some of the stuff you mentioned , it's just clear opportunities I had with girls that I didn't take , and I regret them .

[Davestovies]

I agree. If you find the right person it won't seem so hard. You'll. Still have to work at it. But if you have a genuine interest then it'll just be natural and normal.

Couple thing I'm wondering is;
1). Are you sure your into girls
2). Do you have any social anxiety disorders or onnthe spectrum or something?

Sorry for the late reply but to answer your question I'm a lot more attracted to girls than guys and no I don't have any social anxiety disorders

[FPFanatic]

Yeah man, I'm inclined to agree with the people here. It's confidence. Now, that can stem from a lot of different things. You need to find ways to boost your confidence. I struggle with this too, dude. Find activities you're good at so you can get yourself self-esteem up and once you're steadily feeling self-confident, then hopefully it'll be easier for you.

[Davestovies]

[QUOTE=ska8er;3470682]Youre lacking self confidence and probably
subconsciously when u r on a date or get to
know a girl u r thinking that maybe ur not
good enough for her or for relationships.
U say u were on dates so u must have had
some experience to ask a girl out but then
fail to move on it-one thing is that in order
for a relationship to last u have to give in a
little and not shy away and don't stand a girl
up because doing so u will never have friends
cause everyone will know what to expect of u.
I would say get to know a girl and stick with
that relationship and give her utmost attention
and if u feel shy tell her and if she does like u
she will help u-the thing is make it work

Sorry for the late reply but to be honest it's usually been the girl asking me out so I don't really have much experience with being open with how I feel towards girls.

[FPFanatic]

You and I are very much alike then. Like I said before, it might help to first find activities that make you feel better about yourself. I'm terrified of talking to girls I'm attracted to. Self-confidence and good self-esteem come first, then all this stuff.

[Davestovies]

You and I are very much alike then. Like I said before, it might help to first find activities that make you feel better about yourself. I'm terrified of talking to girls I'm attracted to. Self-confidence and good self-esteem come first, then all this stuff.

So finding activities to use as a way of socialising or just as a way to boost my confidence?

[FPFanatic]

So finding activities to use as a way of socialising or just as a way to boost my confidence?
It might be both. It depends on the activity

[Davestovies]

It might be both. It depends on the activity

Okay then. Sounds like a plan

[FPFanatic]

Okay then. Sounds like a plan
Let us how things go, okay? We're happy to help

[Davestovies]

Let us how things go, okay? We're happy to help

Sure, I'll keep you updated on any new developments on this thread or something

[FPFanatic]

Good luck

[ska8er]

[QUOTE=ska8er;3470682]Youre lacking self confidence and probably
subconsciously when u r on a date or get to
know a girl u r thinking that maybe ur not
good enough for her or for relationships.
U say u were on dates so u must have had
some experience to ask a girl out but then
fail to move on it-one thing is that in order
for a relationship to last u have to give in a
little and not shy away and don't stand a girl
up because doing so u will never have friends
cause everyone will know what to expect of u.
I would say get to know a girl and stick with
that relationship and give her utmost attention
and if u feel shy tell her and if she does like u
she will help u-the thing is make it work

Sorry for the late reply but to be honest it's usually been the girl asking me out so I don't really have much experience with being open with how I feel towards girls.

Tom-Bro-If u r shy and a girl asks u to go out explain to her
that this is new to u and that u don't know if u will say or do
the right things. She asks u so probably does like u so if u explain
it to her she will make u feel comfortable. Its not unmanly to tell
a girl how or what u feel-just b urself-I think she would like u better
for that. :)

[Just JT]

Sorry for the late reply but to answer your question I'm a lot more attracted to girls than guys and no I don't have any social anxiety disorders

Then follow your intuitions so long as nobody gets hurt
Ok?