A Girl Admits She Has a Crush on Me, I don't know what to do

[Andrew99]

Hi there I'm Andrew I'm 17 years old. I don't have a lot of confidence, especially around girls I get real nervous and anxious. Over the past week ish I've been texting a girl called Chelsea, also 17, who lives near my Dad who I visit a few times a month. We met online (yes I know she is actually a real person, not a catfish).

I've had no past history with girls, I've never messaged a girl, had a girlfriend, kissed a girl or anything like that. If girls talk to me in school or whatever I shy away, not that I'm being rude, I just have low confidence due to family issues which have deprived me of a self esteem

Anyway since Chelsea has started messaging me she has been really nice and funny, and I've really enjoyed talking to her, we have got on really well. But just a moment ago she admitted to be she has a crush on me, and I'm scared of what to do.

She has told me she has been in 2 past relationships; 1 an actual boyfriend, but was abuse to her physically and cheated on her multiple times. The other a fling with a boy who also used her for sex.

Obviously she has been hurt by boys in the past and I don't want to hurt her, but I'm not really sure on my emotions. I like her and care about her but I'm not sure if I would call it a crush. She is attractive to me, in a physical sense but also in the way she treats me. A girl has never treat me so nice before and I'm not going to lie, I like it.

Having no past expericnes with girls I am confused what to do, I really like her but I'm not sure if it's a crush or not. I don't know how to recognise if I have a crush on her or not, I really don't want to hurt her but I obviously I don't want to lead her on, leading her to believe I have a crush on her when I'm not sure if I don't. So I'm unsure on what to do? Do you think this is a crush? Or do you think I just like her as a friend.

I know I sound pathetic for not knowing how I feel but I was wondering if anyone can point me in the right direction, I like Chelsea but I don't want to hurt her🙁🙁

Sorry I forgot to say thank you😊

Double posts merged. Please use the edit button found in the bottom right to add more to/edit your posts. ~Lost Horizon

[PinkFloyd]

I actually had a similar issue a few years ago. Two years and two months ago, I started dating my current girlfriend. She was in an abusive relationship. Her ex verbally and physically abused her, ex. The worst it got to was rape. She stood up for herself in the middle of it by pushing him up against a wall. When she got him on the ground, she kicked him in the face a bunch, and then ran far, far from that house. Sorry for the sob story, but I was unsure how I felt about this girl when she told me she liked me. I certainly didn't want to lead her on, so I went on a date with her, and explained that I wanted to get to know her better. I made sure she knew that I cared about her, but was just unsure if I had a romantic interest in her or not.

I think you should do the same for Chelsea. If the relationship takes off, another important step is to assure her that sex is all up to her and that she can wait as long as she wants. This is of course assuming you want to have a sexual relationship with her. Anyways, best of luck, man. Just remember that Girls are regular people too, and nothing to be afraid of. It's clear that you care about her, and she'll sense that in an instant. You'll actually be even better than you think because of how shitty her past relationships had been. her idea of a good boyfriend is likely skewed to someone who doesn't beat her everyday and not much more. You'll do fine, man. :)

[Uniquemind]

I actually had a similar issue a few years ago. Two years and two months ago, I started dating my current girlfriend. She was in an abusive relationship. Her ex verbally and physically abused her, ex. The worst it got to was rape. She stood up for herself in the middle of it by pushing him up against a wall. When she got him on the ground, she kicked him in the face a bunch, and then ran far, far from that house. Sorry for the sob story, but I was unsure how I felt about this girl when she told me she liked me. I certainly didn't want to lead her on, so I went on a date with her, and explained that I wanted to get to know her better. I made sure she knew that I cared about her, but was just unsure if I had a romantic interest in her or not.

I think you should do the same for Chelsea. If the relationship takes off, another important step is to assure her that sex is all up to her and that she can wait as long as she wants. This is of course assuming you want to have a sexual relationship with her. Anyways, best of luck, man. Just remember that Girls are regular people too, and nothing to be afraid of. It's clear that you care about her, and she'll sense that in an instant. You'll actually be even better than you think because of how shitty her past relationships had been. her idea of a good boyfriend is likely skewed to someone who doesn't beat her everyday and not much more. You'll do fine, man. :)


But be aware since you'd be the boyfriend of someone who has experienced abuse, there are things you need to be sensitive towards in regards to healing from her past traumatic events.

You want to avoid allowing her mind to draw fallacious connections between you as a lover and her ex-lovers, because the brain can throw emotions and defensive walls up. So be prepared for that going into the relationship and if that dynamic rears it's head, understand what's really going on at an empathetic level.

[PinkFloyd]

But be aware since you'd be the boyfriend of someone who has experienced abuse, there are things you need to be sensitive towards in regards to healing from her past traumatic events.

You want to avoid allowing her mind to draw fallacious connections between you as a lover and her ex-lovers, because the brain can throw emotions and defensive walls up. So be prepared for that going into the relationship and if that dynamic rears it's head, understand what's really going on at an empathetic level.

Those are all great points.

[Uniquemind]

Those are all great points.

Then let me be more specific.

Pressuring her for sex; or a specific sexual act: At some point in the relationship this can occur and at that point if that's a similar behavior act an abusive ex-did it's trigger an emotional-defensive wall if she's not ready.

A less wiser male, might take this to mean a blow on their ego, or a sexually pent up male might just be questioning how to scratch the desire in a society that also frowns on cheating, and in some cases the issue becomes "well you can't seem to trust me enough, because logically I am not your past".


These things especially the last one, while not untrue, ARE TOXIC to any formation of a relationship with a formerly abused person, especially regarding any form of touch-bonding, but especially of sexual-touch-bonding.


The last one is the most difficult to counsel in my opinion, especially combined with some cultures regarding the expression and management of lust/sexual desire.

In combination it can make a person feel trapped to a partner that can't reciprocate. To an extent that can be frustrating for anybody.

The other path that I've noticed that confuse guys a lot, is that sometimes a girlfriend that won't sleep with them ends up cheating on their boyfriend in a massive way, like promiscuity to the extreme.

I have been told by my female friends who have been raped that they are even unsure as to why they did that to their boyfriends. But upon further friend to friend counsel in a non-judgmental way I have them a couple explanations as to why:

1. There's a guilt complex that can occur once you have had sex, in consensual sex or rape. Promiscuity is sometimes a mind's attempt at exploring the sex act itself in a philosophical way, a physical way, and a reattempt at regaining power of one's sexuality which was experienced as being "owned or taken" by her previous abuser.

As twisted as this sounds, this time the individual consensually created the choice of practicing sex through promiscuous choices, via the power of sexual identity for a moment returns to the abused in an attempt to feel healed/in-control again.

This can be compounded by the natural sensations and physical-emotional feelings of pleasure that all sexual acts CAN (but not always) produce for the person being stimulated. Even painful acts for some cannot be black and white separated from pleasure because they biochemically overlap.

But for these reasons it can loop right back into the guilt-complex I mentioned above.


Now hopefully some of you can see a feedback-cycle that doesn't end that one has to potentially deal with as a friend and especially as a romantic partner to someone who has been raped or sexually abused in anyway.

2. Having sex with some good looking meaningless, but potentially potent in passionate expression, person often carry less fear of judgment than doing this with someone who who carries the label of "boyfriend". Rejection of some person you always intended to use as a fling, hurts a lot less than rejection especially sexual-worth-performance rejection, from someone very personally important to you.


Picture it for a second, you've endured a rape, and imagine all the verbal abuse your enduring as your attacker is trying to psychologically break you down. (Your used goods, you like that don't you?) It's even worse if it was a trusted friend that is doing this to you because in a split second you have to reevaluate EVERYTHING about this person's worth to you, and it can be a gray area because maybe up til that point they were a good friend according to what society defines as "a good person".


This also applies to males who have been raped too.


But if anybody disagrees with this post please let me know, but if you agree please also let me know. I don't want to give low-quality advice but I acknowledge what I've said here with the intention to heal and make others more aware and prepared is HIGHLY controversial.

If you feel offended I do apologize that was not the intent of the post.

[Andrew99]

The truth is, I'm not crazy on the whole idea of sex to be honest, Chelsea knows I'm a virgin and she tells me she likes that about me, and it makes me more attractive to her.

I don't want to pressure Chelsea into sex, for her own good, as rushing things may bring back flashbacks of abuse and forcefulness of her exes. I'm also not thinking about sex with her really, I don't feel ready but when it does come to losing my virginity I want it to be with a girl I really like. If Chelsea does end up being that girl I would gladly have sex with her, but we both need time before we can think about this.

She's recently started calling me pet names like "babe, hunny, treasure" (you get the idea), and she stayed up to 4am with me last night texting when I couldn't sleep, i asked her to just go to bed as she was really tired, but she refused and went to bed after I fell asleep.

Chelsea has also said when she very first meets me she wants to hug me instantly before even saying a word to me, and also when we meet she wants me to come over and watch her favourite film. She's said she's very 'touchy feely' and she probably won't be able to keep her hands off me and she wants to cuddle me when it eventually happens.

Obviously that last point worries me, as that could lead to sexual acts which I don't really want to happen at the moment.

She's also made a promise that if I haven't kissed anyone before I'm 18 years old she will kiss me.

It's clear that she has a crush on me (as she has told me this as well) but I don't want to mess this up. She's said for about a year she has been so critical of men and hated them, but she says I have changed her view on men, and how not all men just want sex.

I really like her but I'm not sure if it's in a romantic sense, I care for Chelsea very much but I'm not sure if it's a crush. I think for now I'm just going to keep texting her until I feel ready to meet up with her, because at the moment I don't feel ready to do that, and until I understand my true feelings on if I have a crush on her or not.

I've destroyed this 'wall' she has put up to stop men from coming to her, and now this is happened she is really nice to me, and says she's really happy she's started talking to me.

So I'm just going to keep texting her to find out how I truly feel I guess.

[Uniquemind]

The truth is, I'm not crazy on the whole idea of sex to be honest, Chelsea knows I'm a virgin and she tells me she likes that about me, and it makes me more attractive to her.

I don't want to pressure Chelsea into sex, for her own good, as rushing things may bring back flashbacks of abuse and forcefulness of her exes. I'm also not thinking about sex with her really, I don't feel ready but when it does come to losing my virginity I want it to be with a girl I really like. If Chelsea does end up being that girl I would gladly have sex with her, but we both need time before we can think about this.

She's recently started calling me pet names like "babe, hunny, treasure" (you get the idea), and she stayed up to 4am with me last night texting when I couldn't sleep, i asked her to just go to bed as she was really tired, but she refused and went to bed after I fell asleep.

Chelsea has also said when she very first meets me she wants to hug me instantly before even saying a word to me, and also when we meet she wants me to come over and watch her favourite film. She's said she's very 'touchy feely' and she probably won't be able to keep her hands off me and she wants to cuddle me when it eventually happens.

Obviously that last point worries me, as that could lead to sexual acts which I don't really want to happen at the moment.

She's also made a promise that if I haven't kissed anyone before I'm 18 years old she will kiss me.

It's clear that she has a crush on me (as she has told me this as well) but I don't want to mess this up. She's said for about a year she has been so critical of men and hated them, but she says I have changed her view on men, and how not all men just want sex.

I really like her but I'm not sure if it's in a romantic sense, I care for Chelsea very much but I'm not sure if it's a crush. I think for now I'm just going to keep texting her until I feel ready to meet up with her, because at the moment I don't feel ready to do that, and until I understand my true feelings on if I have a crush on her or not.

I've destroyed this 'wall' she has put up to stop men from coming to her, and now this is happened she is really nice to me, and says she's really happy she's started talking to me.

So I'm just going to keep texting her to find out how I truly feel I guess.

In regards to my own experience regarding crushes, i say that they all feel different, and while there is a sense of attraction, what you are attracted towards or what about them pulled you in can be different everytime.

If you are expecting a crush to feel the same with person A as it does with person B, then I would say it doesn't work that way.


The current relationship I'm in now, does not and never has felt like the ones before it. It's main strength has always been in the fact that from the beginning I felt like I met a kindred spirit, and conversation flows naturally, and physical touch is graceful with boundaries respected.

It's also okay to draw a line for yourself at cuddling, if she accelerates beyond cuddling, you can tell her to stop you aren't ready.


So far it seems you're doing everything right though. Take a deep breathe and I wish you two well.

[jamie_n5]

Well you need to build some confidence in yourself. I am sure that you are an alright guy. If you like this girl then I would talk to her and then ask her out.

[Tesserax]

Hi there I'm Andrew I'm 17 years old. I don't have a lot of confidence, especially around girls I get real nervous and anxious. Over the past week ish I've been texting a girl called Chelsea, also 17, who lives near my Dad who I visit a few times a month. We met online (yes I know she is actually a real person, not a catfish).

I've had no past history with girls, I've never messaged a girl, had a girlfriend, kissed a girl or anything like that. If girls talk to me in school or whatever I shy away, not that I'm being rude, I just have low confidence due to family issues which have deprived me of a self esteem

Anyway since Chelsea has started messaging me she has been really nice and funny, and I've really enjoyed talking to her, we have got on really well. But just a moment ago she admitted to be she has a crush on me, and I'm scared of what to do.

She has told me she has been in 2 past relationships; 1 an actual boyfriend, but was abuse to her physically and cheated on her multiple times. The other a fling with a boy who also used her for sex.

Obviously she has been hurt by boys in the past and I don't want to hurt her, but I'm not really sure on my emotions. I like her and care about her but I'm not sure if I would call it a crush. She is attractive to me, in a physical sense but also in the way she treats me. A girl has never treat me so nice before and I'm not going to lie, I like it.

Having no past expericnes with girls I am confused what to do, I really like her but I'm not sure if it's a crush or not. I don't know how to recognise if I have a crush on her or not, I really don't want to hurt her but I obviously I don't want to lead her on, leading her to believe I have a crush on her when I'm not sure if I don't. So I'm unsure on what to do? Do you think this is a crush? Or do you think I just like her as a friend.

I know I sound pathetic for not knowing how I feel but I was wondering if anyone can point me in the right direction, I like Chelsea but I don't want to hurt her🙁🙁

Sorry I forgot to say thank you😊

Double posts merged. Please use the edit button found in the bottom right to add more to/edit your posts. ~Lost Horizon

You don't have to have a crush on somebody to *like* them or date them. If there's attraction and you think it can work, then there's no problem! The only problem is if you're unsure, if you think you don't actually like them. Don't be hesitant in this, people's hearts are brittle and you either say yes or no, don't make them guess because that's what will break them, no simply disappoints. I'd say hang out a bit, see where it goes, and if it works then something will happen.

[Trevor.]

Hi there I'm Andrew I'm 17 years old. I don't have a lot of confidence, especially around girls I get real nervous and anxious. Over the past week ish I've been texting a girl called Chelsea, also 17, who lives near my Dad who I visit a few times a month. We met online (yes I know she is actually a real person, not a catfish).

I've had no past history with girls, I've never messaged a girl, had a girlfriend, kissed a girl or anything like that. If girls talk to me in school or whatever I shy away, not that I'm being rude, I just have low confidence due to family issues which have deprived me of a self esteem

Anyway since Chelsea has started messaging me she has been really nice and funny, and I've really enjoyed talking to her, we have got on really well. But just a moment ago she admitted to be she has a crush on me, and I'm scared of what to do.

She has told me she has been in 2 past relationships; 1 an actual boyfriend, but was abuse to her physically and cheated on her multiple times. The other a fling with a boy who also used her for sex.

Obviously she has been hurt by boys in the past and I don't want to hurt her, but I'm not really sure on my emotions. I like her and care about her but I'm not sure if I would call it a crush. She is attractive to me, in a physical sense but also in the way she treats me. A girl has never treat me so nice before and I'm not going to lie, I like it.

Having no past expericnes with girls I am confused what to do, I really like her but I'm not sure if it's a crush or not. I don't know how to recognise if I have a crush on her or not, I really don't want to hurt her but I obviously I don't want to lead her on, leading her to believe I have a crush on her when I'm not sure if I don't. So I'm unsure on what to do? Do you think this is a crush? Or do you think I just like her as a friend.

I know I sound pathetic for not knowing how I feel but I was wondering if anyone can point me in the right direction, I like Chelsea but I don't want to hurt her����

Sorry I forgot to say thank you��

Double posts merged. Please use the edit button found in the bottom right to add more to/edit your posts. ~Lost Horizon

I know how you feel... I been in a situation that you are in right now. The best way to handle this is to get the girl to ask you out. If she asks you to date her then you really want you in her life. Just find the courage and be a man. I know you may be nervous but you could be messing up your future with this girl. If she doesn't ask you out by mid January she might not be ready, she may be still trying heal herself. If you love her don't let her go.:)

[ska8er]

With all the dialog above I would just say she
likes u and u like her-ur not strangers and u
know things bout each other so ask her to go
out not even as a date but just to talk and have
fun-get to know each other eye to eye and then
c where it leads but don't bring up anything to do
with the past but do say that u understand what
may have happened.