Losing myself. Looking for experienced advicers :(

[ariel22]

Hey there mates. Usually, i dont come here often but i do come to visit each time i feel i want to help other people or help myself. So let me make it clear first - im being through a harsh crysis.
It was all perfect with her. Funny intelligent girl(not that much tho) and it all screwd up thanks to her majesty. Ill start mentioning she was a 15 years old virgin who wasnt addicted to pornhub and i was an experienced 17 years old. She was suffering from low self esteem and low confident, meanwhile i was a confidence bobmb. I was so confident that i must say she might felt threatened. Well you know .. Dumb teens with their first relationship and shit. I always fed her with compliments and confidence and one day this happens. We got into shower and i took my clothes off while she was clothed. To tell you guys how confident i was ill say that she laughed all the time we showerd and i didnt got ofended or thought she is laughing at me. I thouht she laughed from the situation.
A day after she told me this - YOU HAVE A SMALL PENIS.
I didnt responded. I was in a 20 minutes shock just before i got home. I forgot that though because it didnt even was erect so fk that. I laughed it off..
1 week after she started giving me handjobs. She insulted me very bad by jokingly say i couldnt make her pleasure with my small package. I forgot that to. Month after i was sending her this nude picture of mine and she made another CRUEL joke at my penis. We fought. We got along. Since that day i feel dead inside. I felt a part o me died. I am still by now depressed and only have flashbacks of her saying this. I was still a man though. She understood the mistake and said it wont come back again. We realized we need to level up in bed and it just wasnt it. I keep having flashbacks of her saying things. I think i cant have sex with her ever again. I feel so wrong.. I never felt this way. If a man is reading this - just imagine the situation. I dont lnow what to do ! The problem is that i have so much empathy to people and she IS trying hard and i dont think its a reason to break up. What do you suggest?
PS im an average 6.2 incher with 4.7 inch girth. Im 5"6' so it doesnt look small.

[ska8er]

Hey there mates. Usually, i dont come here often but i do come to visit each time i feel i want to help other people or help myself. So let me make it clear first - im being through a harsh crysis.
It was all perfect with her. Funny intelligent girl(not that much tho) and it all screwd up thanks to her majesty. Ill start mentioning she was a 15 years old virgin who wasnt addicted to pornhub and i was an experienced 17 years old. She was suffering from low self esteem and low confident, meanwhile i was a confidence bobmb. I was so confident that i must say she might felt threatened. Well you know .. Dumb teens with their first relationship and shit. I always fed her with compliments and confidence and one day this happens. We got into shower and i took my clothes off while she was clothed. To tell you guys how confident i was ill say that she laughed all the time we showerd and i didnt got ofended or thought she is laughing at me. I thouht she laughed from the situation.
A day after she told me this - YOU HAVE A SMALL PENIS.
I didnt responded. I was in a 20 minutes shock just before i got home. I forgot that though because it didnt even was erect so fk that. I laughed it off..
1 week after she started giving me handjobs. She insulted me very bad by jokingly say i couldnt make her pleasure with my small package. I forgot that to. Month after i was sending her this nude picture of mine and she made another CRUEL joke at my penis. We fought. We got along. Since that day i feel dead inside. I felt a part o me died. I am still by now depressed and only have flashbacks of her saying this. I was still a man though. She understood the mistake and said it wont come back again. We realized we need to level up in bed and it just wasnt it. I keep having flashbacks of her saying things. I think i cant have sex with her ever again. I feel so wrong.. I never felt this way. If a man is reading this - just imagine the situation. I dont lnow what to do ! The problem is that i have so much empathy to people and she IS trying hard and i dont think its a reason to break up. What do you suggest?
PS im an average 6.2 incher with 4.7 inch girth. Im 5"6' so it doesnt look small.

Dude-Ur Big-more than average-Lose her-find someone who is
not going to insult u-make u feel like S**t and put u down.
I'm sure u can find other girls that would like u and both please
each other-Y r u taking this-stand up for urself then go on.

[samuel15]

Man that is so mean... i feel for you m8, well 6.2 is big and i think she has a unrealistic view of how a real dick looks like, like you said she was/is a virgin and i'm guessing your her first so she is not a good and nuanced sources of penis size criticism. But her bihavior is not acceptable and i think you should dump her. But you know her better than I so it is up to you, hope my stance on this was to any help :D

[Zachary G]

You said she watched a lot of Pornhub and that probably gave her a false sense of what a guys penis actually looks like. Knowing this, I wouldnt take anything she said to heart because, as you have stated, she was a virgin and probably had never seen a penis irl, so seeing yours she compared it to what she saw on the porn site -- most likely the only penis she has ever seen. If your feelings were hurt by anything she said to you, then it would be best for you to let her go because you want to be with someone who isnt looking to insult you or hurt your feelings. Your size is a very good size and you have nothing to be ashamed or self-conscious about.

[ClaraWho]

I'm giving my opinion because you asked for it, and I feel in the long-run it will help you, although it may be perceived negatively now.

You come accross here as having very low empathy and thinking waaay too highly of yourself. You come accross as arrogant and belittling. You clearly view yourself as 'superior' in the relationship, and don't regard her as equal - forget about sexually - I mean as another human being.

You also make sly, nasty remarks about how she is 'intelligent - but not that much'. Really? Running your 'loved' partner down online to a group of strangers?

Whilst her comments ARE cruel and insensitive, you have resolved that side of things as best you can. Your self-esteem is were it is because you still place importance on your penis size, as if it somehow dictates who you are as a person. She's still having sex with you so clearly there's something she gets off on about it.

Sometimes people say things that you cannot move past or get over. Sometimes a cut is too deep to heal without a permanent scar. We don't know what the rest of your relationship is like, so we cannot begin to suggest options on staying or breaking up. But clearly being with her like this isn't making you happy, and you cannot change the past.

Did she ever explain why she said it was small? You must have asked that?

~ Clara

[ariel22]

I'm giving my opinion because you asked for it, and I feel in the long-run it will help you, although it may be perceived negatively now.

You come accross here as having very low empathy and thinking waaay too highly of yourself. You come accross as arrogant and belittling. You clearly view yourself as 'superior' in the relationship, and don't regard her as equal - forget about sexually - I mean as another human being.

You also make sly, nasty remarks about how she is 'intelligent - but not that much'. Really? Running your 'loved' partner down online to a group of strangers?

Whilst her comments ARE cruel and insensitive, you have resolved that side of things as best you can. Your self-esteem is were it is because you still place importance on your penis size, as if it somehow dictates who you are as a person. She's still having sex with you so clearly there's something she gets off on about it.

Sometimes people say things that you cannot move past or get over. Sometimes a cut is too deep to heal without a permanent scar. We don't know what the rest of your relationship is like, so we cannot begin to suggest options on staying or breaking up. But clearly being with her like this isn't making you happy, and you cannot change the past.

Did she ever explain why she said it was small? You must have asked that?

~ Clara

At your point of view i seem like a bad guy. Lets make things clear. CLEARLY you are a women so you cant empathise me. Secondly, she said it 5 times in many ways that are so mean you cant even imagine. I have never and will never think of a cruel thing to aay to her. She did thought that im above her by human and it bothered me so i always tried to prove her we are equal. Her act of humiliating me was to equalize us by ego because she DID thought im better and more successful and she said that even now when we broke up. What good reason does she have saying those things? I am a very sexual guy and we men have an important goal making our females sexually satisfied. HOW CAN I DO THAT WHEN SHE SAIS MY DICK IS TOO SMALL TO PLEASE HER?? She didnt only laughed on size. She undergraded me as a man. If you want a proof, i tried to have sex with her since then and couldnt. Im in a deep depression and i am eaten alive for the past 2 months of relationahip and she doesnt even knows. I have never insulted her. Even after i told her its offensive she did it again so dont judge me for bo reason. Most people know she is a fucking shithead for doing that. I dont judge her - i did overtook this way to far but for what reason will i stay with some one when i feel bad being with him? Its both of us fault - hers for saying it and mine for taking it too far. But theres nothing i can do. Its clear that her ego is much larger than mine because the difference between us is that when she felt i am a better human i always complimented her and showed her we are equal but she decided to humiliate me by the worse way known to any couple. If she feels downgraded it doesnt mean she is allowed to hurt me like that. Her ego is more important for her than me.

[ClaraWho]

"CLEARLY you are a women so you cant empathise me".

Over 65% of therapists are female. Females are also human beings. You are a human being. We can empathise with animals, with cartoons of animated household objects, and yet the ability to empathise with the males of our species utterly eludes our ability of understanding. Fascinating theory. Got ANY evidence to back up that claim? No?

Moving on.

Clara - 'her comments ARE cruel and insensitive'.

'Mikey' - 'she said it 5 times in many ways that are so mean you cant even imagine'

So we're agreed?

Clara - 'Whilst her comments ARE cruel and insensitive, you have resolved that side of things as best you can. Your self-esteem is were it is because you still place importance on your penis size, as if it somehow dictates who you are as a person.'

This is the issue right?

It sounds like from this start this was an extremely unhealthy relationship, with both parties deeply insecure. She thought you were better, and you probably liked having your ego boosted in such a way. She probably got fed up with that arrogance and decided to retaliate in a juvenile and indeed cruel way. Two wrongs don't make a right and moving forward it would really help for you to accept a share of the responsibility for your own actions. She will have to deal with how she handled things separately.

'we men have an important goal making our females sexually satisfied'.

You need to realise you are an individual. You have a penis, and that is good for you. But you are not the spokesman or poster boy for all guys. To some guys, sex isn't important at all. To others they... like sexually pleasing other men! And there's this other concept known as... asexual. I know right? All individuals. Just like girls. Just like the girl you dated who happened to have her own personality, and her own thoughts and needs and insecurities.

Everyone likes to make the person they care about feel great, but it shouldn't be done as a measure of one's own abilities. Having sex like it is a sporting event where you are going to win a medal for giving an orgasm is entirely self-centred. A question you should ask yourself is why, when someone you trusted to be in sexual relationships with, violated that trust... did you try to have sex with her again? 1st time, okay. 5th time?! Why do that to yourself?! That's like punching yourself in the face, thinking it is painful, so doing it again and again. And again. And again. And again. We all make mistakes, but as I say, that doesn't sound like something a confident person would tolerate.

'I have never and will never think of a cruel thing to aay to her.'

'Most people know she is a fucking shithead'.

Hm.

Despite what some may now think of you, you are more than just a penis. Regardless of size. Read the forums here, goodness knows there have been enough posts about penis size... look for the responses from girls. Look at average penis size. Do whatever you need to do to boost the mini ego upright again. Then forget about it. Anyone who actually gives a damn about you won't care about your size, one way or the other. But for someone to give a damn about you, it's your personality that they judge you by. No man walks around with his penis on display, it is who you are that makes you attractive to others.

I'm glad you've broken up, now it is time to move on. Don't let one bad experience turn you bitter and hateful.

~ Clara

[Uniquemind]

Her personality type (and there exist guys who are exactly the same way) is that of a psychic vampire.

These types of personalities are usually insecure about themselves and lack a self-generated confidence core (could be they are just naturally shy or their past indicates them being an abuse victim of some other vampire that got to them and they're repeating the behavior onto you hence term: vampire)

This causes them to be attracted to other personality types that give off the vibe of confidence, and by getting close they slowly get pleasure and emotional security from transferring the confidence from person A into themselves.

In this scenario you are person A, she is person B.



However, I must also agree with Clara that I think she nailed the situation on the head.



Try your best to heal and return to a confident but more wiser state of mind, especially to those whom you wish to engage in a relationship with.


It is highly possible there is something about your personality type that attracts the "vampire" personality type, meaning they see a potential source of "confidence food, and sense of emotional security to feed on".


P.S. The term "vampire personality type" is a term from a friend who once advised me on toxic-relationship scenarios like this, and I am passing that term along because I think it makes sense.

[ariel22]

"CLEARLY you are a women so you cant empathise me".

Over 65% of therapists are female. Females are also human beings. You are a human being. We can empathise with animals, with cartoons of animated household objects, and yet the ability to empathise with the males of our species utterly eludes our ability of understanding. Fascinating theory. Got ANY evidence to back up that claim? No?

Moving on.

Clara - 'her comments ARE cruel and insensitive'.

'Mikey' - 'she said it 5 times in many ways that are so mean you cant even imagine'

So we're agreed?

Clara - 'Whilst her comments ARE cruel and insensitive, you have resolved that side of things as best you can. Your self-esteem is were it is because you still place importance on your penis size, as if it somehow dictates who you are as a person.'

This is the issue right?

It sounds like from this start this was an extremely unhealthy relationship, with both parties deeply insecure. She thought you were better, and you probably liked having your ego boosted in such a way. She probably got fed up with that arrogance and decided to retaliate in a juvenile and indeed cruel way. Two wrongs don't make a right and moving forward it would really help for you to accept a share of the responsibility for your own actions. She will have to deal with how she handled things separately.

'we men have an important goal making our females sexually satisfied'.

You need to realise you are an individual. You have a penis, and that is good for you. But you are not the spokesman or poster boy for all guys. To some guys, sex isn't important at all. To others they... like sexually pleasing other men! And there's this other concept known as... asexual. I know right? All individuals. Just like girls. Just like the girl you dated who happened to have her own personality, and her own thoughts and needs and insecurities.

Everyone likes to make the person they care about feel great, but it shouldn't be done as a measure of one's own abilities. Having sex like it is a sporting event where you are going to win a medal for giving an orgasm is entirely self-centred. A question you should ask yourself is why, when someone you trusted to be in sexual relationships with, violated that trust... did you try to have sex with her again? 1st time, okay. 5th time?! Why do that to yourself?! That's like punching yourself in the face, thinking it is painful, so doing it again and again. And again. And again. And again. We all make mistakes, but as I say, that doesn't sound like something a confident person would tolerate.

'I have never and will never think of a cruel thing to aay to her.'

'Most people know she is a fucking shithead'.

Hm.

Despite what some may now think of you, you are more than just a penis. Regardless of size. Read the forums here, goodness knows there have been enough posts about penis size... look for the responses from girls. Look at average penis size. Do whatever you need to do to boost the mini ego upright again. Then forget about it. Anyone who actually gives a damn about you won't care about your size, one way or the other. But for someone to give a damn about you, it's your personality that they judge you by. No man walks around with his penis on display, it is who you are that makes you attractive to others.

I'm glad you've broken up, now it is time to move on. Don't let one bad experience turn you bitter and hateful.

~ Clara

Well. I see what you are saying. The fact is I am a sexually male. from the beginning i made it clear that sex is important for me. I was absolutely wrecked ! Breaking up from the girl i was her first because she doesnt understand her deeds? She didnt even know why i broke up with her. That killed me. I tried ignoring it and saying to myself come on dont go down to this level its a shame that i got so offensed by some words. so i gave it 2 months where we tried having sex and i just COULDNT. I felt like a whimp. Remembering her words in my mind cutting like a knife. The question is why? I see dudes who truely have small penises that i bet they wont get so offended. I NEVER enjoyed the fact she believed im better than her. This isnt the way i go in relationships. my last relationship i did my best and gave all i had for my first love life. I just hated the facts that her way to ''equalize'' her ego to mine was to hurt me badly. And oh she knew what she did there. the thing that made me most upset is that even when i told her it botheres me she continued. thats more than insulting, its not respecting in any way. I broke up with her because I understood we will not be able to have sex properly again. in case you know if a man is anxious in bed it can be a relationship killer. It causes a trauma that feeds itself by time. Pressure will make us unable to have an erection, and that adds pressure and the sex is ruined. Another common thing is premature ejaculation. all of these happened to me in 1 week. we tried to have sex 7 times 1 time each day and it took 15 minutes just to insert the soldier. I think it was best for us. I lost my feelings for her and she just suffered from guilt feelings that killed her.

[Uniquemind]

Well. I see what you are saying. The fact is I am a sexually male. from the beginning i made it clear that sex is important for me. I was absolutely wrecked ! Breaking up from the girl i was her first because she doesnt understand her deeds? She didnt even know why i broke up with her. That killed me. I tried ignoring it and saying to myself come on dont go down to this level its a shame that i got so offensed by some words. so i gave it 2 months where we tried having sex and i just COULDNT. I felt like a whimp. Remembering her words in my mind cutting like a knife. The question is why? I see dudes who truely have small penises that i bet they wont get so offended. I NEVER enjoyed the fact she believed im better than her. This isnt the way i go in relationships. my last relationship i did my best and gave all i had for my first love life. I just hated the facts that her way to ''equalize'' her ego to mine was to hurt me badly. And oh she knew what she did there. the thing that made me most upset is that even when i told her it botheres me she continued. thats more than insulting, its not respecting in any way. I broke up with her because I understood we will not be able to have sex properly again. in case you know if a man is anxious in bed it can be a relationship killer. It causes a trauma that feeds itself by time. Pressure will make us unable to have an erection, and that adds pressure and the sex is ruined. Another common thing is premature ejaculation. all of these happened to me in 1 week. we tried to have sex 7 times 1 time each day and it took 15 minutes just to insert the soldier. I think it was best for us. I lost my feelings for her and she just suffered from guilt feelings that killed her.


Well, if it's any comfort to your mind, it's probably not your size that's affecting the quality of the sex in that relationship.

Don't beat yourself up over it.


It is HIGHLY likely there is a strong psychological-emotional imbalance in the relationship's foundation that RUINED all enjoyment of any sexual-side of the relationship.

She being inexperienced at relationships, misplaced the reasoning for the unhappiness.

Because if you take the information you gave us at face value, and we compare to the academic literature of penis size, you are on the higher end of average.

So logically you can rule that insult she threw at you out the door as INVALID.


The problem probably was her and the dynamic of the relationship itself, and that you cannot control by yourself, this is what makes relationships so hard; it's a two-way-street.

[ariel22]

You do agree we should have broke up, right?

[ariel22]

Her personality type (and there exist guys who are exactly the same way) is that of a psychic vampire.

These types of personalities are usually insecure about themselves and lack a self-generated confidence core (could be they are just naturally shy or their past indicates them being an abuse victim of some other vampire that got to them and they're repeating the behavior onto you hence term: vampire)

This causes them to be attracted to other personality types that give off the vibe of confidence, and by getting close they slowly get pleasure and emotional security from transferring the confidence from person A into themselves.

In this scenario you are person A, she is person B.



However, I must also agree with Clara that I think she nailed the situation on the head.



Try your best to heal and return to a confident but more wiser state of mind, especially to those whom you wish to engage in a relationship with.


It is highly possible there is something about your personality type that attracts the "vampire" personality type, meaning they see a potential source of "confidence food, and sense of emotional security to feed on".


P.S. The term "vampire personality type" is a term from a friend who once advised me on toxic-relationship scenarios like this, and I am passing that term along because I think it makes sense.

So you are saying its her personality? Eating my confidence to up level hers? Man she did a good job i must admit. The day she told me i have a small penis was a day after she got drunk and humiliated her in front of me. I took care of her and made her a nice shower and securing her everything is okay. The day after she sais directly YOU HAVE A SMALL PENIS. After she said that she also said that she told me this so we can get equal after i saw her drunk and humiliated. That got on my nerves. I didnt showed any judgement. Im very emphatic with my close ones. I did everything i could to prove her ill always be next to her. How is this possible that she loves me and treat me that way? That shows that her massive ego is more important than her loved ones. Im feeling dead. A 15 year old inexperienced virgin laughed at my package. 5 times. In many ways.

[Uniquemind]

So you are saying its her personality? Eating my confidence to up level hers? Man she did a good job i must admit. The day she told me i have a small penis was a day after she got drunk and humiliated her in front of me. I took care of her and made her a nice shower and securing her everything is okay. The day after she sais directly YOU HAVE A SMALL PENIS. After she said that she also said that she told me this so we can get equal after i saw her drunk and humiliated. That got on my nerves. I didnt showed any judgement. Im very emphatic with my close ones. I did everything i could to prove her ill always be next to her. How is this possible that she loves me and treat me that way? That shows that her massive ego is more important than her loved ones. Im feeling dead. A 15 year old inexperienced virgin laughed at my package. 5 times. In many ways.

The conclusion is that she didn't know how to love. Not really.

Yes, it is good your two broke up.

Find someone more healthy for you.

[ClaraWho]

So you are saying its her personality? Eating my confidence to up level hers? Man she did a good job i must admit. The day she told me i have a small penis was a day after she got drunk and humiliated her in front of me. I took care of her and made her a nice shower and securing her everything is okay. The day after she sais directly YOU HAVE A SMALL PENIS. After she said that she also said that she told me this so we can get equal after i saw her drunk and humiliated. That got on my nerves. I didnt showed any judgement. Im very emphatic with my close ones. I did everything i could to prove her ill always be next to her. How is this possible that she loves me and treat me that way? That shows that her massive ego is more important than her loved ones. Im feeling dead. A 15 year old inexperienced virgin laughed at my package. 5 times. In many ways.

The conclusion is that she didn't know how to love. Not really.

Yes, it is good your two broke up.

Find someone more healthy for you.

I'd say neither of them know what love is.

As for the repeated claim of being empathetic... it's not empathetic to be non-judgemental when someone gets so drunk they humiliate themselves. That's apathy. Maybe there's a language barrier here. Anyway, that's another topic.

Yes, it is good you broke up. We all agree with at least that life choice.

Learn from your experiences going forward. If a relationship isn't working, don't wait so long before walking away. See my face punching analogy above ^.

~ Clara

[Tesserax]

Dude, I think she was just messing with you. 6 inches is above average. I'm not sure how much you know about stuff, but people are into some kinky stuff and some people actually like being humiliated, it turns them on for some reason. Perhaps you gave her the wrong message and she's "trying" to fulfil your fetish. The important thing is to communicate with her, tell her what's troubling you and perhaps she'll apologize and try to make up. If not, I'd say move on

[ariel22]

Dude, I think she was just messing with you. 6 inches is above average. I'm not sure how much you know about stuff, but people are into some kinky stuff and some people actually like being humiliated, it turns them on for some reason. Perhaps you gave her the wrong message and she's "trying" to fulfil your fetish. The important thing is to communicate with her, tell her what's troubling you and perhaps she'll apologize and try to make up. If not, I'd say move on

She did apologized and i did admitted my confidence dropped to zero. Communication wasnt our problem. But though she apologized and was eaten by guilt feelings meanwihile i had to face with my own problem. We both had problems at the button line and i thought we should end this. I dont want her to try fix herself and feel shitty and regretion and i didnt want myself to suffer from performance anxiousness. I cant argue with the fact she DID felt reliefed after we broke up because she doesnt have to face the thoughts of ruining the relationship and crashing her love's ego.

[Tesserax]

She did apologized and i did admitted my confidence dropped to zero. Communication wasnt our problem. But though she apologized and was eaten by guilt feelings meanwihile i had to face with my own problem. We both had problems at the button line and i thought we should end this. I dont want her to try fix herself and feel shitty and regretion and i didnt want myself to suffer from performance anxiousness. I cant argue with the fact she DID felt reliefed after we broke up because she doesnt have to face the thoughts of ruining the relationship and crashing her love's ego.

I'm sorry it had to end that way. I think you two were a good match, just that she overstepped a boundary without realizing it, assuming you would take it lightly. I hope you two can make up in the future and perhaps even reunite as a couple, I think you'd make a good couple given that you felt comfortable enough to be open and honest with your feelings in the end

[alphaSafaia]

I'd say neither of them know what love is.

As for the repeated claim of being empathetic... it's not empathetic to be non-judgemental when someone gets so drunk they humiliate themselves. That's apathy. Maybe there's a language barrier here. Anyway, that's another topic.

Yes, it is good you broke up. We all agree with at least that life choice.

Learn from your experiences going forward. If a relationship isn't working, don't wait so long before walking away. See my face punching analogy above ^.

~ Clara


Not much I could say beyond what Clara has said in her posts. That's a very obviously broken relationship.

Only thing I have to add is that if this happens in the future, remind your partner most porn stars are above average and sometimes "enhanced."

If anyone expects porn to be realistic, they are going to be disappointed and need to be told the reality of it.

In short my advice is: get over it. As harsh as it may seem, it's the best advice. She simply did not know the reality of sex. Expecting sex to be like porn is like expecting being married to be like "The Real Housewives" --- it simply won't be so. It's a dramatized, exaggerated, fancified version of reality. Just understand that she had unreality expectations and was a jerk about it. Don't sweat it.