Is this a phase or am I srsly not interested anymore

[lifeislife03]

Hi ppl. So, tthis is gonna be pretty long.

I'm a junior in high school and I've known this guy since 8th grade. We were pretty good friends and had one class together. I liked him then but ignored my feelings because he was dating a girl then. 9th and 10th grade we had no classes together. Then may 2016 we met again (after a longg time) at a hangout of our friends (his friends and mine are the same pretty much). So, we got really friendly and kept messaging each other. A month later, we realized our feelings for each other, but somehow we agreed to not date until senior year. We made a promise to wait for each other.

It's been about 8 months since we made that promise. Mostly everyone in our school knows we like each other, and they have been asking and even assuming that we're dating each other. Usually I ignore it but recently, I've been wondering.

About the whole dating thing. And I thought about dating him, as in holding his hand, hugging, kissing etc. Usually if u like someone u should dream about being in cute situations w them. but I dont. :/ and i feel really bad because he's realllly nice to me. It's just for the past couple of days, I didnt want to see him, and when I'm with him I feel like im restraining myself from talking about whatever i want. And, I've been starting to get pretty friendly w his guy friends, but Im also restraining myself from talking to them, because he restrains himself from talking to other girls. But like I said, "we're not dating."

Sigh anyhow, i want to think about this carefully, because I don't want to drag this on until senior year and... D: have myself date him if i dont feel the same way. I dont want to date him out of guilt or pity. But then again I cant see myself going to prom w anyone else. I dont know if this is just a phase of when you like someone or if i srsly lost interest ...i cant tell. I dont know what i should do. :confused:

[Anniebanannie]

Hi. It sounds pretty complicated. Keep thinking it over and maybe everything will become clearer. Eventually you might want to have a talk with him just to update where each of you are at. This is a long time to wait and things can change in the meantime.

[Uniquemind]

Hi ppl. So, tthis is gonna be pretty long.

I'm a junior in high school and I've known this guy since 8th grade. We were pretty good friends and had one class together. I liked him then but ignored my feelings because he was dating a girl then. 9th and 10th grade we had no classes together. Then may 2016 we met again (after a long time) at a hangout of our friends (his friends and mine are the same pretty much). So, we got really friendly and kept messaging each other. A month later, we realized our feelings for each other, but somehow we agreed to not date until senior year. We made a promise to wait for each other.

It's been about 8 months since we made that promise. Mostly everyone in our school knows we like each other, and they have been asking and even assuming that we're dating each other. Usually I ignore it but recently, I've been wondering.

About the whole dating thing. And I thought about dating him, as in holding his hand, hugging, kissing etc. Usually if u like someone u should dream about being in cute situations w them. but I dont. :/ and i feel really bad because he's realllly nice to me. It's just for the past couple of days, I didnt want to see him, and when I'm with him I feel like im restraining myself from talking about whatever i want. And, I've been starting to get pretty friendly w his guy friends, but Im also restraining myself from talking to them, because he restrains himself from talking to other girls. But like I said, "we're not dating."

Sigh anyhow, i want to think about this carefully, because I don't want to drag this on until senior year and... D: have myself date him if i dont feel the same way. I dont want to date him out of guilt or pity. But then again I cant see myself going to prom w anyone else. I dont know if this is just a phase of when you like someone or if i srsly lost interest ...i cant tell. I dont know what i should do. :confused:

Well multiple things to go over here and things you need to understand about yourself:


1. Self-recognize when you are feeling a crush.

2. Figure out if said crush was due to an attraction to a person because of (looks, personality, a source of personal inspiration, or because of the attention you get from them)

3. Recognize if a sexual attraction is caused by that person (your crush)

4. Don't lock yourself into society's rationale that you must feel guilt because you feel attraction to more than one person. Love does not mean you only have one singular focus from an emotional or sexual lust perspective. Acting upon multiple partners though, that's seen as cheating my mainstream society, and is usually a problem.

--

Here's a question, did you ever at any point in the past fantasize about being in "cute" situations with him, and from that memory of how you felt then, how does that compare to how you're feeling now.




I suspect emotionally, you wanted a relationship with him in the past, and while logically you two had a conversation that wasn't a flat out "No", there was no actions that convey emotional fuel for those feelings to continue.

A part of your mind on a general level WANTS to have a romantic relationship, and the waiting period, is causing initial crush to run out of steam, kind of like how a marriage dies for older folks if intimacy isn't maintained like a garden, it just withers or grows out of control.


In your case it sounds like emotionally your mind is seeking other opportunities which isn't bad but can lead to more reckless behavior.



I would advise doing some soul searching, and if you still like the original guy, meet with him and have a talk, that says you need the relationship to start now, or you have to move on because you feel trapped. Make a compromise on how each of you can live a balanced life and also meet up semi-regularly so neither party feels rejected or put aside in emotional value to each other.


But either way you need to decide to begin the relationship, or let that opportunity set sail and call it a friendship.



What were the reasons for delaying the relationship anyway? Do those reasons still hold true?

[Bontigo Papi .]

When you felt what you did , you should've acted immediately , I've learnt that time changes everything . It can make you fall for someone you didn't like , and it can stop something that you really want to happen unless you act on it .

[Tesserax]

In my opinion, you're not losing interest, you're feeling hurt, confused because you know you both want it but you don't truly understand why you want to wait. This is, of course, assuming, based on the lack of info given, that you guys didn't really have a good reason to refrain from dating until later. I suggest just telling him that you want to do this now, and trying to actually make a relationship work out now. The thing to remember, and tell him, is that you guys have feelings for each other now, and the future is an uncertain place.

[jamie_n5]

I think that you should say the hell with restraining yourself anymore. Your upper high school years are the best and you should get into the dating mode. Have some fun and kick up your heals. I really think that you two should date and go to this years prom together too.