Help... I am horrified!

[Aidoon123]

Okay, I will be very vague about this as I promised the person I would not reveal stuff so here it goes. We were at his house today, and went up to his room and we lay down and we kind of made subtle moves on each other by moving closer, ''accidentally'' touching each other and playing footsie, that was all okay until we kind of started to get more intimate and I went ''down under'' and he stopped me, and then wanted to tell me something that needed to be said. He texted me it, and looked away while I read the text. I can't really say the full detail, but it is about something he has to wear down there for a certain reason, and he said ''Is that embarrassing?'' so I was just there with a blank look on my face, and then I said ''oh my dad messaged me, I've got to'' (even though my phone clearly didn't vibrate) and walked downstairs, he followed me down really fast and asked when I'd be back, and I just said ''Oh, I'll be busy with all the homework I have'' even though I had told him earlier I had no homework (smart one, I know!) and then I rushed out there door and headed home. The 10 minute walk was so embarrassing and I was shaking. I swear he is a friend and stuff, but I did not expect that with my possible first time at getting some. I really need like someone to tell me I will get over this because that happened over 6 hours ago and I am still in shock! Please help!

Okay, the main deal is when I went down he stopped me and told me he wore a certain article of clothing that would usually be worn by younger people because of a weird disorder!!

[Karkat]

Ok, I feel like I honestly can't help you because you're being too vague...To be honest, I have no idea what you're talking about?

I'd love to help, but I just don't know how I could given the information. Is this more to do with what you learned about your friend? Are you questioning your sexuality? Were you just nervous? Had certain events not unfolded would you have been willing? I feel like I don't know where you're going with this, sorry.

[Aidoon123]

Okay, the main deal is when I went down he stopped me and told me he wore a certain article of clothing that would usually be worn by younger people because of a weird disorder!!

[Karkat]

Okay, the main deal is when I went down he stopped me and told me he wore a certain article of clothing that would usually be worn by younger people because of a weird disorder!!

I see. I understand completely now.

I'm still having trouble figuring out what you need help with, though. Are you embarrassed? Would you pursue that kind of a relationship with him had it not been for this? etc

[Aidoon123]

I was very embarrassed, it was the last thing I would ever expect. I felt so good but now it is just ripped away from me.... He is good looking, and if he didn't have that problem I think we would have gone very far for the first time....

[Karkat]

I was very embarrassed, it was the last thing I would ever expect. I felt so good but now it is just ripped away from me.... He is good looking, and if he didn't have that problem I think we would have gone very far for the first time....

Ah, so you're embarrassed about his condition.

Ok, this may not be what you want to hear, but I feel it's important to include as well: he's probably more embarrassed than you are. I don't want to make you feel bad, but I almost guarantee that he knows what you were thinking, and he feels awful.

As someone who has had difficulties with embarrassing conditions myself, I CONSTANTLY worried that my friends would be freaked out by things. I constantly worried that I'd never have a sexual relationship, because whoever it was would be too weirded out. I beat myself up about it constantly.

And most likely, he understands that you're embarrassed, and he understands why, but he thinks you don't want to be around him anymore.

Talking it out probably seems like the WORST thing ever, but it could definitely help things in the long run.

If you don't feel like this is right for you, I'd lay low for a few days until you feel comfortable around him again, just distract yourself, and afterwards, just try to show him that you're still there as a friend, everything's cool, and so on. Chances are, he won't want to talk about it either, but he will be absolutely relieved if things can go back to normal, relatively speaking.

Good luck. I hope you can work things out. :)

[Aidoon123]

I already feel bad about the situation, I feel like such a bad friend but I just don't think I can even face him, it's so difficult...

[Karkat]

I already feel bad about the situation, I feel like such a bad friend but I just don't think I can even face him, it's so difficult...

I understand. You're not a bad friend. Don't feel bad about it, just try and distract yourself for a few days and try again once you feel better about it.

[Living For Love]

I couldn't understand why you just freaked out and ran away from him, I'm pretty sure he wanted you to stay, and now he probably regret having told you that, which is bad, because he trusted you, and you just kinda ran away. I'd suggest you go back and talk to him and apologize for having acted in such way. If he does have any health problem, make sure you're there to support him. And even if he has any sort of disease, what does it matter? Won't you love him the same way? Won't he love you the same way? I think he's really into you, don't let a stupid tiny detail ruin your friendship, and you're possible relationship.

[Lee360TheCoder]

Not pushing you into the subject, but i can't understand without you telling what exactly he had.

[Aidoon123]

I couldn't understand why you just freaked out and ran away from him, I'm pretty sure he wanted you to stay, and now he probably regret having told you that, which is bad, because he trusted you, and you just kinda ran away. I'd suggest you go back and talk to him and apologize for having acted in such way. If he does have any health problem, make sure you're there to support him. And even if he has any sort of disease, what does it matter? Won't you love him the same way? Won't he love you the same way? I think he's really into you, don't let a stupid tiny detail ruin your friendship, and you're possible relationship.

I know I should not have run away, but in that moment I got such a shock that I could only just walk away from it. I now feel like crap, but I feel if I had stayed it would have been even more awkward with me suddenly going from really horny guy, to sitting on opposite side of the room, pretending to text people. And, I don't think it's a disease, it's just a disorder of a sort, I don't know. I don't know what to do anymore, I was like so in the zone, getting there for the first time and then this... I don't even know what to do or say to him....

Not pushing you into the subject, but i can't understand without you telling what exactly he had.

I am sorry, but I have to stay vague. Just read over my main post, towards the end I make it quite obvious....


Double Posts Merged. ~StoppingTime

[ksdnfkfr]

I already feel bad about the situation, I feel like such a bad friend but I just don't think I can even face him, it's so difficult...

You are making a big of a deal over nothing. A lot of people have to wear them. Wake up. people have medical conditions, it does not make them less of a person or anything they are guilty of. Grow up.

[Hundred Spirited God]

You are making a big of a deal over nothing. A lot of people have to wear them. Wake up. people have medical conditions, it does not make them less of a person or anything they are guilty of. Grow up.

yes,thats cause he must be sensitive,and dont act so cold,when you say hurtful things like grow up,you hurt his soul

[Aidoon123]

yes,thats cause he must be sensitive,and dont act so cold,when you say hurtful things like grow up,you hurt his soul

Thank you, I have always been a very sensitive person, and I get affected by things that other might pass off as nothing quite easily, thank you.

[JamesSuperBoy]

whatever its is - it is not your issue to deal with - it is his and his alone. So how you deal with how you feel about walking out = I guess you will get over it

[Hundred Spirited God]

Thank you, I have always been a very sensitive person, and I get affected by things that other might pass off as nothing quite easily, thank you.

your welcome,i respect everyone on VT :),and im very sensesitive to

[ksdnfkfr]

Thank you, I have always been a very sensitive person, and I get affected by things that other might pass off as nothing quite easily, thank you.

Just trying to reason with you dude. As someone who is developmentally disabled, it is something I have had to wear myself.

yes,thats cause he must be sensitive,and dont act so cold,when you say hurtful things like grow up,you hurt his soul

Mollycoddling is not always the right approach. Sometimes straight forward blunt honesty is called for. That does not make the person delivering it mean.
It's also a trait of my autism.


Double Posts Merged. ~StoppingTime

[Hundred Spirited God]

Mollycoddling is not always the right approach. Sometimes straight forward blunt honesty is called for. That does not make the person delivering it mean.
It's also a trait of my autism.

oh,sorry about that,didnt know you had autism,and im not the kind of person that likes acting hard and cold,and it might seem like the right approach but then he might get really upset and hurt himself

[ksdnfkfr]

oh,sorry about that,didnt know you had autism,and im not the kind of person that likes acting hard and cold,and it might seem like the right approach but then he might get really upset and hurt himself

Maybe I took it too personally because I have been surrounded by disabled kids my whole life, where wearing something like that is common place. I really do not see how telling someone to act more mature regarding a situation is going to make them hurt themselves. But you are right, I probably came off more callous than I intended. But it is because I believe Aidoon123 has the capacity for getting past it and not letting it interfere with a good friendship.

[Karkat]

Maybe I took it too personally because I have been surrounded by disabled kids my whole life, where wearing something like that is common place. I really do not see how telling someone to act more mature regarding a situation is going to make them hurt themselves. But you are right, I probably came off more callous than I intended. But it is because I believe Aidoon123 has the capacity for getting past it and not letting it interfere with a good friendship.

As someone who has had problems along these lines as well, I can understand both sides of it. I can put myself in the shoes of his friend, but I also understand how certain situations can make someone feel embarrassed. For instance, if I was the friend, and my friend found out I had that problem, I'D probably be the one trying to avoid them. But in a way I can put myself in OP's shoes for the same reason. It's hard to explain

People who are highly sensitive don't need for people to be blunt with them. I understand that you're prone to that sort of thing, I can be too. But if someone seems nervous, I try to act as calm as I can, and address it calmly, because I've found that people tend to react best that way.

I think he can get past it, as well, there's really no reason not to in the end, but I understand feeling awkward around a friend. I'm not going to tell him to "man up", because that really solves nothing. People have to deal with things in their own time, it doesn't mean they should avoid them entirely, but it doesn't mean that they should put themselves right back out there.

[sqishy]

Try to be there for him, and saying you are a bit taken aback but wanting to be there as a friend, to be honest, can help a lot.

[KansasNavy]

You should really just be there for him. I don't think running away was the best approach however. Although I can understand that you were kind of freaked out.

[Hermes96]

it shouldn't make a diffeance what does it matter he wears one? as his friend you should have stood by him like in any opther situation you wouldn't hacve run if he'd told you he had something that you consider to be normal wrong with him. i think the most important thing is that you suck it up and go exsplain to your friend that you were shocked and that you didn't mean to make him feel like that.

[TurboDieselBandit]

I know I should not have run away, but in that moment I got such a shock that I could only just walk away from it. I now feel like crap, but I feel if I had stayed it would have been even more awkward with me suddenly going from really horny guy, to sitting on opposite side of the room, pretending to text people. And, I don't think it's a disease, it's just a disorder of a sort, I don't know. I don't know what to do anymore, I was like so in the zone, getting there for the first time and then this... I don't even know what to do or say to him....



I am sorry, but I have to stay vague. Just read over my main post, towards the end I make it quite obvious....


Double Posts Merged. ~StoppingTime

We know your not a mean person or bad friend, but please don't make the mistake of not addressing the way you left with your friend. None of us really know how much we emotionally scar a person, even when they say it's no big deal, when we leave them at their most vulnerable time. We all make mistakes in the moment, but to heal his scar and insecurity, I think we all know a difficult but necessary conversation is in your future. You'll feel much better afterwards though, and best of all, so will he.

Good luck. :)