Dimentio
November 30th, 2016, 04:23 PM
You know when you don't even wanna write something?
Well i met this guy online, Dave, and i cannot say how perfect it was, i told him talking to him was like hot liquid caramel gliding over smooth silk, never has talking to someone been so easy, or so great, and one day he asked me to be his boyfriend, and after a few tears and trying to tell him how much he'd regret it, i said yes
So we planned to meet up two weeks later, now for the firsts, this was my first time going to London on my own, first time taking public transport on my own, first time meeting an online person, but i did it all for him, because even if some said it was to early to know, to early to say, i know i loved him, and i did it to show him how much i loved him
We had our day out down London, i almost vomited from eating new food, but Dave reassured me it was fine because i tried something new and that's all that mattered, so after being absolutely rained on, we went back to the hotel that night, and that's when i had my first kiss, and that was a first time in a long time i layed in a bed, watching nothing, no sound, just nothing, and what made it crazier is i thought it had only been thirty minutes, but 3 hours had passed!
So we woke up, had a final day out, and from that moment i just knew, i knew something changed in him, in us, i would like to say it was something good, something that would lead to bright, new beginnings, but it wasn't, i knew somehow i failed, but i couldn't let go, i loved him, he took my first kiss, something that meant a lot to me, and i would not let that slip through my fingers without a fight to keep it there
But he didn't talk to me as much as he used to, even then, he just didn't seem as happy, the life, that fire was dying, then he spoke to me more often, but it was only about sex, even if i was blatantly ignoring that part, soon it would turn to purely that, so in the end i snapped and said he needs to stop because it's making me uncomfortable, and he knew even before day 1 that i do not like sex
Then he died, he'd go days without talking to me, and we only spoke because i started it, but even then, we had no conversations, three times i tried talking to him, he'd send one message, one, then go again, other times the most we got up to was 4, but it quickly died or he left, then today i came online because there's been a lot going on lately, a lot of stress, and i needed him, well i came online to find he'd blocked me
He gave no warning for it, he never said anything was wrong, he didn't leave a message why, literally nothing, we was even talking yesterday in fact, so a new first, my first break up, i wasn't hurting at first, i was in shock, the person i love, the person who kept saying how much they loved me, out of the blue has removed me in such a cowardly, such a nasty way, then after about an hour or so, i did cry a bit, but i stopped myself because i refused to wallow in pain from someone who could do something like that, then it turned to anger, now, i don't know how i feel, lost, angry, anxious, sad, hurt
This is the fourth person this year to say they've made such a strong connection with me, to randomly block me out of the blue, and when you have trust issues anyway, when shit like this happens, it makes you scared to leave a conversation, because you fear it will just be your last
How ironic, for a romantic who wanted to give their first kiss to the one they love, and to be in a relationship with for a long time, it barely lasted a month and a half, and there was no love there
Well i met this guy online, Dave, and i cannot say how perfect it was, i told him talking to him was like hot liquid caramel gliding over smooth silk, never has talking to someone been so easy, or so great, and one day he asked me to be his boyfriend, and after a few tears and trying to tell him how much he'd regret it, i said yes
So we planned to meet up two weeks later, now for the firsts, this was my first time going to London on my own, first time taking public transport on my own, first time meeting an online person, but i did it all for him, because even if some said it was to early to know, to early to say, i know i loved him, and i did it to show him how much i loved him
We had our day out down London, i almost vomited from eating new food, but Dave reassured me it was fine because i tried something new and that's all that mattered, so after being absolutely rained on, we went back to the hotel that night, and that's when i had my first kiss, and that was a first time in a long time i layed in a bed, watching nothing, no sound, just nothing, and what made it crazier is i thought it had only been thirty minutes, but 3 hours had passed!
So we woke up, had a final day out, and from that moment i just knew, i knew something changed in him, in us, i would like to say it was something good, something that would lead to bright, new beginnings, but it wasn't, i knew somehow i failed, but i couldn't let go, i loved him, he took my first kiss, something that meant a lot to me, and i would not let that slip through my fingers without a fight to keep it there
But he didn't talk to me as much as he used to, even then, he just didn't seem as happy, the life, that fire was dying, then he spoke to me more often, but it was only about sex, even if i was blatantly ignoring that part, soon it would turn to purely that, so in the end i snapped and said he needs to stop because it's making me uncomfortable, and he knew even before day 1 that i do not like sex
Then he died, he'd go days without talking to me, and we only spoke because i started it, but even then, we had no conversations, three times i tried talking to him, he'd send one message, one, then go again, other times the most we got up to was 4, but it quickly died or he left, then today i came online because there's been a lot going on lately, a lot of stress, and i needed him, well i came online to find he'd blocked me
He gave no warning for it, he never said anything was wrong, he didn't leave a message why, literally nothing, we was even talking yesterday in fact, so a new first, my first break up, i wasn't hurting at first, i was in shock, the person i love, the person who kept saying how much they loved me, out of the blue has removed me in such a cowardly, such a nasty way, then after about an hour or so, i did cry a bit, but i stopped myself because i refused to wallow in pain from someone who could do something like that, then it turned to anger, now, i don't know how i feel, lost, angry, anxious, sad, hurt
This is the fourth person this year to say they've made such a strong connection with me, to randomly block me out of the blue, and when you have trust issues anyway, when shit like this happens, it makes you scared to leave a conversation, because you fear it will just be your last
How ironic, for a romantic who wanted to give their first kiss to the one they love, and to be in a relationship with for a long time, it barely lasted a month and a half, and there was no love there