AstroChris
November 24th, 2016, 02:56 PM
Hello everyone, I've posted here before and gotten great help, so here I am again! Some of this is me getting stuff off my chest, and some is asking for advice, so thanks in advance if you read it all!
This all started at a the summer camp where I work in the summers, a place with lots of painful memories, and lots of good memories. First off it is a Christian summer camp, so there is always some sort of relationship drama going on. This year, I guess it was my turn. First day I got there with my friend for counselor training, and I see this new girl. She's really pretty, but that's as far as my thoughts went. As the first few days passed I kept getting this feeling that she was checking me out, and may be into me, but I shook it because she was way out of my league. But then we began to talk, and spend more time together and we got really close. Everyone noticed and whispers began (not gossip, just people noticing), we spent any time we could together, and really just seemed right for eachother. Now, I'm 17 (was 16) and she is 20. We both knew this, and it didn't seem to bother either of us. After 3 weeks of time together at camp, I decided to tell her how I felt. I got her alone by the river next to camp one night (weekend between campers) and told her how she was the most beautiful girl, she was so kind, and seeing how much she loved God made me really like her. She said she really liked me too, and we stood there just holding each other for a while. We walked back to the cabins, holding hands (this is the first time I have romantically held hands with a girl). Then parted ways for the night. For the next week, I would try to spend time with her, tell her nice things, and I even would give her a verse from Song of Solomon (book in Bible full of love poems) every day. I also went on a hike with some campers one day, and picked her a bouquet of flowers. That Thursday, 5 days after I told her how I felt, she said that she had thought about it a lot, and that she wanted us to stay friends for the remainder of camp so we would not have to break any strong emotional bonds when we needed to part ways. She was starting college (she had been taking commuter classes at community college before) and lives 4 hours away from me. She said that that on top of the age difference would just lead to a nasty breakup if we stayed together. I understood, but needless to say, I was devastated. I have always been an emotional and sensitive person, easily hurt. I have often developed feelings for a girl and then been put off before I got the courage to ask her out. This time, I had that courage, and now less than a week later she was ending it. She asked if she could eat lunch with me still, and I said yes but left early because I couldn't stand to look at her. I sprinted back to my cabin and immediately collapsed on the floor sobbing. I broke my sunglasses since I had given her a matching pair, and just laid their in a pool of my tears screaming. I finally pulled myself together and took a shower, then went back outside and did things normally for the next few days. I was definitely depressed for a little while, but I soon saw that things between me and this girl were not over. We got a little flirty again, like we were meeting each other for the first time all over again. It was kinda fun, and things ended on a good note when camp ended. She gave me a card where she told me how Camp had felt like the right place for her, and I was such a big part of that, and how she would miss me so much. It felt great to hear that from a girl.
After camp, we texted and texted. Every day from sunrise to the moment we went to bed we would text. Telling each other everything, apologizing if we took more than 5 minutes to respond. We video chatted a little, but that didn't last long. It stayed that way for a while, until I wanted to go see her. I told her I wanted to come see her, and she said that would be cool. We made plans but had to reschedule, and to make a long story short there was confusion and she forgot. I was hurt, but she seemed genuinely sorry so I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. Ever since then, she responded less and less, and became very distant. Her replies didn't have any emotion, and sometimes she wouldn't reply for hours. I asked her if we could video chat sometime to talk about everything, and she said we could. So we made a date one night for pretty late, and I stayed up and waited but no call, and no text. That happened a few times until I decided to screw the idea of video chatting, and just text her about it. So I asked her if she really wanted to have the video chat, and she said yes but she didn't know what I wanted to talk about, so I went for it. I poured out my heart to her in a long text, telling her how I still felt the same way about her that had felt at camp, and asking her what she thought about it. But no reply at all this time. I still haven't heard from her about a week later, and I think I won't text her again unless she texts me, which I hope she does.
I know at camp I was probably making things move too fast, and after camp I may have been a bit too clingy, and I'm just blaming myself for that now. This seems to be a reoccurring theme in my relationships, and I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I just can't seem to understand how we could have had so many amazing times together, and now she just drops me. Like I said she told me that camp felt like the right place for her one reason was because of me, and now she feels like a stranger. I would think about those moments we had together to lift me up when I felt down before, but now I just feel nauseous when I think of them. I felt a closeness to her that I had never felt with someone before, but now I feel like I'm wasting her time when I text her. All I want is to be able to talk things through with her, and get some closure. Because now it seems like she has forgotten me which I can't understand. Please help!
This all started at a the summer camp where I work in the summers, a place with lots of painful memories, and lots of good memories. First off it is a Christian summer camp, so there is always some sort of relationship drama going on. This year, I guess it was my turn. First day I got there with my friend for counselor training, and I see this new girl. She's really pretty, but that's as far as my thoughts went. As the first few days passed I kept getting this feeling that she was checking me out, and may be into me, but I shook it because she was way out of my league. But then we began to talk, and spend more time together and we got really close. Everyone noticed and whispers began (not gossip, just people noticing), we spent any time we could together, and really just seemed right for eachother. Now, I'm 17 (was 16) and she is 20. We both knew this, and it didn't seem to bother either of us. After 3 weeks of time together at camp, I decided to tell her how I felt. I got her alone by the river next to camp one night (weekend between campers) and told her how she was the most beautiful girl, she was so kind, and seeing how much she loved God made me really like her. She said she really liked me too, and we stood there just holding each other for a while. We walked back to the cabins, holding hands (this is the first time I have romantically held hands with a girl). Then parted ways for the night. For the next week, I would try to spend time with her, tell her nice things, and I even would give her a verse from Song of Solomon (book in Bible full of love poems) every day. I also went on a hike with some campers one day, and picked her a bouquet of flowers. That Thursday, 5 days after I told her how I felt, she said that she had thought about it a lot, and that she wanted us to stay friends for the remainder of camp so we would not have to break any strong emotional bonds when we needed to part ways. She was starting college (she had been taking commuter classes at community college before) and lives 4 hours away from me. She said that that on top of the age difference would just lead to a nasty breakup if we stayed together. I understood, but needless to say, I was devastated. I have always been an emotional and sensitive person, easily hurt. I have often developed feelings for a girl and then been put off before I got the courage to ask her out. This time, I had that courage, and now less than a week later she was ending it. She asked if she could eat lunch with me still, and I said yes but left early because I couldn't stand to look at her. I sprinted back to my cabin and immediately collapsed on the floor sobbing. I broke my sunglasses since I had given her a matching pair, and just laid their in a pool of my tears screaming. I finally pulled myself together and took a shower, then went back outside and did things normally for the next few days. I was definitely depressed for a little while, but I soon saw that things between me and this girl were not over. We got a little flirty again, like we were meeting each other for the first time all over again. It was kinda fun, and things ended on a good note when camp ended. She gave me a card where she told me how Camp had felt like the right place for her, and I was such a big part of that, and how she would miss me so much. It felt great to hear that from a girl.
After camp, we texted and texted. Every day from sunrise to the moment we went to bed we would text. Telling each other everything, apologizing if we took more than 5 minutes to respond. We video chatted a little, but that didn't last long. It stayed that way for a while, until I wanted to go see her. I told her I wanted to come see her, and she said that would be cool. We made plans but had to reschedule, and to make a long story short there was confusion and she forgot. I was hurt, but she seemed genuinely sorry so I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. Ever since then, she responded less and less, and became very distant. Her replies didn't have any emotion, and sometimes she wouldn't reply for hours. I asked her if we could video chat sometime to talk about everything, and she said we could. So we made a date one night for pretty late, and I stayed up and waited but no call, and no text. That happened a few times until I decided to screw the idea of video chatting, and just text her about it. So I asked her if she really wanted to have the video chat, and she said yes but she didn't know what I wanted to talk about, so I went for it. I poured out my heart to her in a long text, telling her how I still felt the same way about her that had felt at camp, and asking her what she thought about it. But no reply at all this time. I still haven't heard from her about a week later, and I think I won't text her again unless she texts me, which I hope she does.
I know at camp I was probably making things move too fast, and after camp I may have been a bit too clingy, and I'm just blaming myself for that now. This seems to be a reoccurring theme in my relationships, and I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I just can't seem to understand how we could have had so many amazing times together, and now she just drops me. Like I said she told me that camp felt like the right place for her one reason was because of me, and now she feels like a stranger. I would think about those moments we had together to lift me up when I felt down before, but now I just feel nauseous when I think of them. I felt a closeness to her that I had never felt with someone before, but now I feel like I'm wasting her time when I text her. All I want is to be able to talk things through with her, and get some closure. Because now it seems like she has forgotten me which I can't understand. Please help!