Best Friend Pushing Me Away

[TiorTristan]

Hey guys,
In case you don't know me, I'm Tristan, 16, guy, straight, etc. Unfortunately I only really post here when I have problems.

I've known my best friend for almost a year and a half, we dated for a 1 1/2 months and broke up last January to go back to being just friends. (She lives an hour away so we can only see each other every few weeks.) She got a boyfriend and I took interest in a few girls but nothing ever serious, but we were always there for each other.

Flash forward to this summer, we had talked about kissing again, just no strings attached. We did and it didn't affect much, just something to do while cuddling and watching movies. But we became extremely close over the summer, staying up till 5 AM for so many nights talking on the phone. Laughing at stupid inside jokes, talking about the future, etc. I really miss that...

School started up the day after I took her to see one of our favorite bands, and we kinda had to grow apart a little bit. I have 3 AP classes, other friends, theater, and she had her stuff. I took her to my Homecoming and introduced her to my friends (and reintroduced her to another) and things were pretty great.

But in the past month she has been pushing me away, and it hurts. At first it was us outright stopping talking at night, as she was always doing it with other guys. Even when I asked like a day ahead to talk the next night, it rarely happened. We texted less and it would always be pretty awkward and I confronted her about it twice. I asked if there was anything wrong going on, if we could work to fix it, and I thoroughly explained my side and why I was hurt. Nothing happened. She's been ignoring me recently and leaving me on read half the time. She used to always tell me she loved me (as a friend) and now she doesn't respond when I say it.

She's said she's not mad at me, that I didn't do anything wrong, and that she honestly doesn't know why... I just want my best friend back, I love her so much and I don't want to lose her. We haven't talked in three days and I'm lost. My other friends don't know what the hell to do and I've tried to keep us together... But what's the point if she doesn't want it. Any advise would be extremely appreciated.

*quick note I've given her plenty of space, she says nothing has changed and she isn't going through anything, and really cared about me, I know this and it wasn't just one way.

[Adarest]

Tell her how you're feeling and say you're afraid to lose your friendship because she doesn't talk as much. She could be busy too, as you're taking AP classes. I haven't taken AP classes yet, but I wouldn't want to anyway. If you text too much without her replying, then she'll block you or already have, so be patient and give her space. You may not be as close as the first time, but you'd have to accept the friendship as it is now.

[TiorTristan]

Tell her how you're feeling and say you're afraid to lose your friendship because she doesn't talk as much. She could be busy too, as you're taking AP classes. I haven't taken AP classes yet, but I wouldn't want to anyway. If you text too much without her replying, then she'll block you or already have, so be patient and give her space. You may not be as close as the first time, but you'd have to accept the friendship as it is now.

I have so many times, and I'm not pressing her at all, I've given her space and she hasn't/won't block me.

[Adarest]

My last guess is for you to wait on her next reply. I lost a good friend because her boyfriend hated me and convinced her to unfriend me on facebook. I was her friend for a year before she had a bf, but she stopped talking to me for 6 months and wouldn't until she told me and left. That's one possible outcome for you, where she decides to reply to call it off, but expect everything. Give her a weekly reply or something, maybe monthly, but ask if you're friends and ask her what she wants to do. Ask her how often you want to talk. Make these little things that you both could count on. I hope you get the best outcome, too.

[TiorTristan]

My last guess is for you to wait on her next reply. I lost a good friend because her boyfriend hated me and convinced her to unfriend me on facebook. I was her friend for a year before she had a bf, but she stopped talking to me for 6 months and wouldn't until she told me and left. That's one possible outcome for you, where she decides to reply to call it off, but expect everything. Give her a weekly reply or something, maybe monthly, but ask if you're friends and ask her what she wants to do. Ask her how often you want to talk. Make these little things that you both could count on. I hope you get the best outcome, too.
Thank you. I really hope so too. She at least really cared about me before, she broke up with her ex because they were overly jealous of me... But I'll wait for her now.

[Uniquemind]

Thank you. I really hope so too. She at least really cared about me before, she broke up with her ex because they were overly jealous of me... But I'll wait for her now.

Maybe she isn't mad. Perhaps she's struggling with a internal guilt complex. Maybe she wants more but doesn't want to ruin the friendship, and fearing you don't want more she's distancing herself, for her own peace of mind, and avoidance of the issue.

[TiorTristan]

Maybe she isn't mad. Perhaps she's struggling with a internal guilt complex. Maybe she wants more but doesn't want to ruin the friendship, and fearing you don't want more she's distancing herself, for her own peace of mind, and avoidance of the issue.

First up Unique, you are an awesome poster and provided easily the best advice last year. Thank you.
Second, possibly, but there are so many possibilities of what went wrong... I haven't been sure about my feelings for her either, I feel like there could be more but last time it ended in a month of silence and almost broke our friendship. I also think it could be she's just bored/done with me.

[Uniquemind]

First up Unique, you are an awesome poster and provided easily the best advice last year. Thank you.
Second, possibly, but there are so many possibilities of what went wrong... I haven't been sure about my feelings for her either, I feel like there could be more but last time it ended in a month of silence and almost broke our friendship. I also think it could be she's just bored/done with me.

Bored, or hurt. She may not want to make a move when she feels she can accurately predict your reaction after.


Flirting and dating is a type of game theory my friend, their are two main characters, but watch as each action ripples upon the social web of both parties and find the trends.

[TiorTristan]

Bored, or hurt. She may not want to make a move when she feels she can accurately predict your reaction after.


Flirting and dating is a type of game theory my friend, their are two main characters, but watch as each action ripples upon the social web of both parties and find the trends.

Welllllll, finally talked again today and now she has a boyfriend and hid talking about it from me before we stopped talking...

[Uniquemind]

Welllllll, finally talked again today and now she has a boyfriend and hid talking about it from me before we stopped talking...

That also explains it. At least theirs closure for you now. Do you feel resolution at clearing the air?

[TiorTristan]

That also explains it. At least theirs closure for you now. Do you feel resolution at clearing the air?
Not really... I'm upset she hid it from me and didn't trust me when she had never hid stuff like this from me before...

[Uniquemind]

Not really... I'm upset she hid it from me and didn't trust me when she had never hid stuff like this from me before...

I was 60% right, there was a topic she was wanting to keep private and avoid affecting the friendship.

It was fear based on her part, rather than deliberately cruel or cold. It was done in a self-preservational, and pre-empathetic sort of thing.


Hopefully your still friends, but there is a concept of privacy even among friends, and that concept definitely rears it's head as you get older. When your younger you tell your friends like almost everything.

That really does change if you look to older generations.

People want person's A and C in their lives to get along, before they mix the two. And usually the person who plays a bigger role in the primary person's life has an ethical triage decision to make.