I...

[King_of_Hearts]

Ergh... I feel like cutting and burning and using an elastic and scratching but I can't... I have gone 9 months of no cutting and I want to end the streak... and my life... I have also had the strangest urge to make myself vomit just to have the acid and bile burn my throat and nostrils... I really, oh so badly want to cut... and other things... oh god... why did I have to promise anything to anyone... I want to cut... I NEED to cut...
Can anyone help? Please?

[Croconaw]

Congratulations on nine months. You can do something you enjoy doing to distract yourself. You can talk to one of us here on the site. I just draw lines on myself with washable red marker. It looks like blood, so it might help you not cut for real. You're doing great so far. Keep going.

[Tarannosaurus]

Ergh... I feel like cutting and burning and using an elastic and scratching but I can't... I have gone 9 months of no cutting and I want to end the streak... and my life... I have also had the strangest urge to make myself vomit just to have the acid and bile burn my throat and nostrils... I really, oh so badly want to cut... and other things... oh god... why did I have to promise anything to anyone... I want to cut... I NEED to cut...
Can anyone help? Please?

This is the time where you go to a professional. Trust me, I know how horribly hard that is. I also know if I hadn't, I'd be dead by now. If you really feel that you're losing control, consider going to a doctor. These people can, and will, help you. You were strong enough to last nine months, take it day by day. Good luck :hug:

[myfoodisnotshared]

You're not weird for wanting to cut, or to vomit. It's awful but it's not strange - and you're incredibly brave for having made it nine months.

Things seem really bad with you, like you're really in trouble. Have you considered therapy, or contacting a charity like Samaritans? Someone to listen, to help you through this rough patch, people who won't judge. Or perhaps a new hobby, or a stopping technique like the elastic band trick might work for you?

You've made it so, so long. Don't give up now. Not when you're doing so well.