I love a straight guy who is now in a relationship :(

[Ryan1698]

Hi everyone,

I've decided to share my experience with you because I really don't know how to move on from it. I've tried everything and for the past year I can't remember a week when I haven't cried at least once, so here it goes... Just so you know, I'm a boy. It'll make it clearer.

There's a boy at my school in my year called Ben. I'm in year 11 now, and throughout my time at school I had never really spoken to him before. At the start of year 10, I was next to him in English on the seating plan, and we gradually began to get to know each other. He started messaging me on social networks, and before long, we became friends. I didn't really have too many friends at that point, so I didn't have much experience in 'closeness' so I didn't know whether I was doing stuff right. He was very persistent, and he still kept messaging me and trying to get to know me better. By around December, I'd say we were good friends.

One day in December at the school carol service, I felt his arm lean against mine. It sort of gave me this feeling, and I really couldn't describe it. I just clicked, and all of a sudden, I KNEW I liked him. I had never really thought about my sexuality before that, but I can remember clearly that on that one day I just figured out that I really liked him.

Time went on, and we continued to grow closer. By January 2013, we were doing stuff a lot of the weekends and we always used to message each other. He was my first proper friend :). I grew more and more attached to him, and he did with me too. He used to say stuff like "I can't imagine being without you", and he used to call me "amazing". At this point I knew I liked him romantically, so it sort of gave me hope that he might be gay, and he might like me too.

Time continued to move on, and as a few months went by, we just continued to grow closer. He helped me make new friends, he let me join his clubs and my life was really improving. He said we were best friends which made me so happy, but at this stage I loved him. I knew I had to tell him.

So in May 2013, a few days after my birthday, I told him I liked him and that I'm gay / bi. He took it well, but told me he didn't like me, and that he wasn't. That's when it all changed :(

Just weeks after, he told me that we weren't really best friends, and that he just said it to cheer me up because he knew I didn't have many friends. That destroyed me. He also stopped giving me those nice compliments, and if I stood close to him he moved really far away. He started getting paranoid about it, and now if I give him a friendly hug he hits me and thinks I'm making a move on him. As the months went by, he continued distancing himself from me and our friendship had really weakened. He treats me completely differently to how he did, and I can't even type all of the stuff that happens, because it'll be far too long. He doesn't do as much stuff anymore, and I can tell he doesn't like me as much as he did. I'm not sure what changed it. I'm convinced he liked me and was curious, what other explanation is there?

A year on, and now it's getting unbearable. He has now met a girlfriend, and he has told me I must get over him. I'm happy for them, but I see him go over and hug her, and he tells me how much he misses her. That's what I've wanted for sooooo long, and I can't ever have it. Not only that, but I'm losing him as a friend and it's so hard.

I need to get over him, but I don't know how. I love him so much and he's everything to me. Please help me find a way.

Sorry this is so long, I could literally type 1000s of words on it, and I've missed out so much. Hopefully it's still understandable.

Thanks.

[Harry Smith]

Hey man, I've had exactly the same situation and well I'm not going to bore you with the details.

Firstly-it's like torture to be in a love with a straight guy, like literal torture. I know it's going to be really really difficult but your going to have to try and work out how to get over him because it's really going to impact your future friendship if you still have such strong feeling for him because it creates a bad dynamic between you two. There's ways you can do this.
1) Find another guy (I know it's very hard) it doesn't have to be anything serious just find someone you can relax with because it can be pretty stressful.
2) Give it time,obviously you'll always have a soft spot for him but that's just natural.

I also just want to point out that he's also being a massive dick about it, you really shouldn't blame yourself for this at all. Even if he isn't gay he should still me friends with you, you were very brave to sit down with him and discuss it so he really should of appreciated it. It was also pretty crap of him to wait a couple of weeks and try and freeze you out when you've been friends for so long.

That comes onto this-as hard as it is try and get a new friendship group/develop your other friendships. I know this can be very hard but if your with him every day it's just going to be even more stressful for you. I found that really helped me-just spending time apart after it because time helps heal the pain.

There's a very small chance he might be gay, I've tried to convince myself that my guy was in fact 'gay' but it's unlikely so as much as it sucks don't get your hopes up. Signs such as Hugging may appear amazing for you but for him it's easily something he saw as a sign of friendship.

I know it fucking sucks-it took a big chunk out of me but your really going to have to get through the next couple of months and sees what happens. Spend some time away from him and hopefully he'll realize that your a good friend and that he fucked up.

PM me if you want further advice or if you just wanna chat, sorry if this is long. Keep strong

[Lee360TheCoder]

*Removed