I have feelings for a girl 4 years my junior

[Uber]

Recently I went and stayed with a family friend, as has been the routine every few months, and for a very long time I have had a purely brother/sister relationship with their eldest daughter, who is currently 13. This changed about 9 months ago. We were watching a movie and were short of a seat, so said person sat in my lap. Now, shes pretty starved of affection from her older brothers, so she kinda had a little crush on me, I was fine with that, but that night she was a little excited, and she kept wiggling in my lap. I was pretty terrified by it, but thats not my point. I didn't stop her, and I was disgusted with myself, but throughout the course of my stay I couldn't bring myself to stop this. It slowed down toward the end and I thought it had passed. The latest visit proved me wrong. I was with her on the armchair and she slotted her fingers inbetween mine. We sat for hours, her legs across me with our hands locked. I kept looking at them, my hands dwarf hers, I knew it was wrong, but I know I love her, and could never hurt her. I often wonder if me losing my virginity at a young age to an unsavory 17 year old girl had caused me to be confused, but I can't be certain. That night she asked me to sleep with her, as in sleep not anything else to my knowledge, I very cautiously declined, of course, I just managed to tell her it wasnt really acceptable considering the age gap. I went to bed and tried to sleep. I didn't. There is a connection there for me unlike anything I've felt. Ive been in love and all but its different. I don't feel compelled to get with her. I just want to spend forever with her tucked up on my chest while we hold hands. Pathetic I know, but I feel it. Has anyone experienced anything remotely similar, and what the hell am I to do about this :/

[ClaraWho]

Reminds me of a post from a while back, nearly exact same story. She is 4 years younger which at this age is a lifetime. Between 13 and 17 each year is the equivalent of 5 yrs change when you are older. Her entire personality, likes/dislikes, crushes, dreams, life goals - they will all change dramatically year by year. My point is it would never last right now, even if it wasn't far too vast an age gap.

Would you be even asking this question if you were 16 and she were 12? No.

If you still feel this way when she turns 18, by all means go for it. Can you imagine driving around at 20 with your 16 yr old partner? Red flag.

Remember she will look up to you as a much older guy in her life, a role model. Don't abuse that position by misinterpreting childish infatuation with an older guy who shows interest, with actual connection one might feel when old enough to understand it properly.

~ Clara

[Babs]

13 is just too young bruh. Think with your brain and not your trouser devil.

[Uber]

I've got self control, I just missed my innocence. Its easy to fall for someone so sweet and innocent. Shes like my polar opposite. I'll just keep my distance and make sure shes okay. Ill wait till shes old enough to make the decision herself. Alot can happen in 6 or 7 years

[ClaraWho]

I've got self control, I just missed my innocence. Its easy to fall for someone so sweet and innocent. Shes like my polar opposite. I'll just keep my distance and make sure shes okay. Ill wait till shes old enough to make the decision herself. Alot can happen in 6 or 7 years

Reading your original reply when you stated 'I couldn't bring myself to stop her', even after feeling disgusted with yourself for allowing it. Does that ring of self-control?

You are nearly an adult. You should be protecting her innocence, not taking it away from her.

Whilst it is good you are distancing yourself until she is an adult, that also means you must end any and all inappropriate behaviour, such as sitting on your lap as described.

Reread your post but imagine someone else saying it. Creepy huh?

~ Clara

[Flapjack]

So you're 17 and she is 13.... that is seriously not okay.

[jamie_n5]

I think for her it is just puppy love. She is infatuated with you. She is still in the early stages of puberty yet.
I think as the elder you need to talk to her and tell her that you love her as a friend
but that is as far as it can go. The age difference right now is too big. When you have both graduated from high school then that age gap isn't an issue any more. For now
you had better not let her do any sexual type things to or with you.

[Uber]

I don't have any intention on abusing my position. I remember what it was like to be in love at that age, it seems silly to me now. I just don't want to break her heart. I do love her like family. I guess I was being selfish by allowing it to even get this far. I know it's not right, I've beaten myself half to death with that thought by now. I'll just talk to her about it, she's going to hate me but when she's 18 we can look back and laugh. It's just a Shitty position. I'm a big guy but I melt at this stuff. Hopefully it doesn't go too badly, thanks for the help

[Uniquemind]

I don't have any intention on abusing my position. I remember what it was like to be in love at that age, it seems silly to me now. I just don't want to break her heart. I do love her like family. I guess I was being selfish by allowing it to even get this far. I know it's not right, I've beaten myself half to death with that thought by now. I'll just talk to her about it, she's going to hate me but when she's 18 we can look back and laugh. It's just a Shitty position. I'm a big guy but I melt at this stuff. Hopefully it doesn't go too badly, thanks for the help

No problem.

I think also on your end perhaps lust is clouding your mind a bit too, but that's where you are in your stage of mental-sexual development, and she's where she is in her development.

That being said I'm not gonna take a crap on love recognized young either, but I should remind you love is not sexual and what is described above in the OP felt like pent-up sexual tension, and that's what's weird about the situation everyone's reacting too.


But in that same vein J.R.R. Tolkien ended up married a girl he began having a crush on in Catholic school while he was in the single digits in age; so love-recognition CAN happen young. But they were the same or close in age though unlike your situation.

[Uber]

I've loved her for a lot longer than I've had any tension. She's like family to me, I guess the lines blurred for a second. She's like a little sister. I need to get out there, so there are no second thoughts. She's impossibly sweet but she doesn't understand her feelings so much just yet. I don't really understand myself either, but it's my duty to protect her, as I would any other sister. I'm just a little lost. There's an expectation of me to be mature and grown up, but I'm pretty terrible at living up to it. Thanks again for helping me sift through my thoughts, it gets a little crowded in here sometimes, Y'know?

[darla]

It is okay