advice needed very hurt

[slyguy]

i need help deciding if i should stay or go im 18 and my GF is 16 its an LDR relationship and i battle depression so i need someone to talk to me when im sad my gf usually does this but recently she changed and she says that she can only focus on her but she loves me still recently she's been doing a lot I'm not okay with concerning other guys and i told her that her actions were affecting my mental health in the past when i told her that i had problems she would instantly start talking to me and id feel better bout my self but on this day she told me that wasn't good and proposed a split i told her i cared to much and we left it at that but later that day she didn't attempt to check on me at all so i got really sad and i hurt myself as i have in the past i asked her before if i was insane she'd tell me no but on this time when i told her i hurt my self she didn't text me for 10 hours and when i got a hold of her she said i was crazy i was so surprised she'd never tell me that i was happy just a week ago when i went to visit her at her hometown i was so happy but she got back to her stuff and started stepping over me she makes me feel worthless but i lover her so much for the help i received in the past its just that now my heard is so broken that its hard for me to enjoy anything in life and whats sad whenever she need its im always there for her it hurts so much please someone i need help more info can be provided if needed just please help me

[Sailor Mars]

If she doesn't care about you, it's a simple choice. If she seems selfish, especially with something like with how you're battling depression, yet all she can talk about is herself, then again, the choice is simple. She's obviously very flip flop on her emotions and you don't need that kind of stress.

[ClaraWho]

It seems very clear what has happened here. You are an emotionally abusive partner who refuses to seek professional help for your problems and demands temporary 'propping up' on a daily basis.

What steps are you taking daily to seek help and recover from depression?

IT IS NOT HER RESPONSIBILITY OR JOB TO HELP YOU OR STOP YOU SELF-HARMING.

The way you have behaved is down right disgusting. You emotionally blackmail her to keep her in the relationship. She isn't your therapist or carer. It sounds like she has been a wonderful friend whom has stood by you through thick and thin, in return all you have done is take without giving, and been entirely ungrateful.

You are 18. You're 2 years older than her. Get off your ass and go get help. The world isn't going to stop turning or bend over backwards to hold your hand when times get rough. There's a massive difference between leaning on friends/loved ones, and crushing them by heaping 24/7 wellbeing responsibility on them.

Now you have 2 options here.

1. Feel sorry for yourself, do something stupid and pointless such as self-harm, and take no action to improve your situation. Blame her for the break-down in your relationship and search for someone else to drop your baggage on.

2. Seek help from a therapist. Research into depression. Stop labelling yourself by your illness. You are not depressed. You 'are suffering from depression'. Depression is episodic, if you take action it has an end point. Google 'mindfullness' and put it into a daily routine of practice, it's all about being gentle and compassionate to yourself, not negative.

Start eating healthier, exercise, keep going at your hobbies even if you don't feel like it. Be around other people, don't isolate yourself. Do the opposite of what this illness called depression makes you feel like doing. That's how you beat it. Think of depression as the nasty fake friend that whispers for you to do stupid things in your ear. And tell him to go to hell. Constantly.

The take away message if nothing else from all this is that your happiness is not the responsibility of others. It is your own, just like your well-being. It is unfair and abusive to demand that level of attention and propping up from others when you refuse to help yourself.

Check out the mental health forum on here and stop being scared of the term 'mentally ill'. Depression is temporary and you wouldn't be scared of saying you had the flu. You'd go see a doctor.

Good luck,

~ Clara

[slyguy]

It seems very clear what has happened here. You are an emotionally abusive partner who refuses to seek professional help for your problems and demands temporary 'propping up' on a daily basis.

What steps are you taking daily to seek help and recover from depression?

IT IS NOT HER RESPONSIBILITY OR JOB TO HELP YOU OR STOP YOU SELF-HARMING.

The way you have behaved is down right disgusting. You emotionally blackmail her to keep her in the relationship. She isn't your therapist or carer. It sounds like she has been a wonderful friend whom has stood by you through thick and thin, in return all you have done is take without giving, and been entirely ungrateful.

You are 18. You're 2 years older than her. Get off your ass and go get help. The world isn't going to stop turning or bend over backwards to hold your hand when times get rough. There's a massive difference between leaning on friends/loved ones, and crushing them by heaping 24/7 wellbeing responsibility on them.

Now you have 2 options here.

1. Feel sorry for yourself, do something stupid and pointless such as self-harm, and take no action to improve your situation. Blame her for the break-down in your relationship and search for someone else to drop your baggage on.

2. Seek help from a therapist. Research into depression. Stop labelling yourself by your illness. You are not depressed. You 'are suffering from depression'. Depression is episodic, if you take action it has an end point. Google 'mindfullness' and put it into a daily routine of practice, it's all about being gentle and compassionate to yourself, not negative.

Start eating healthier, exercise, keep going at your hobbies even if you don't feel like it. Be around other people, don't isolate yourself. Do the opposite of what this illness called depression makes you feel like doing. That's how you beat it. Think of depression as the nasty fake friend that whispers for you to do stupid things in your ear. And tell him to go to hell. Constantly.

The take away message if nothing else from all this is that your happiness is not the responsibility of others. It is your own, just like your well-being. It is unfair and abusive to demand that level of attention and propping up from others when you refuse to help yourself.

Check out the mental health forum on here and stop being scared of the term 'mentally ill'. Depression is temporary and you wouldn't be scared of saying you had the flu. You'd go see a doctor.

Good luck,

~ Clara

ok but she dosent even think to check up on me anymore she called me crazy she's not the same girl i met 2 years ago even without nmy feeling this she's no longer the girl i fell inlove with and she told me she wont be that girl anymore either

ok but she dosent even think to check up on me anymore she called me crazy she's not the same girl i met 2 years ago even without nmy feeling this she's no longer the girl i fell inlove with and she told me she wont be that girl anymore either
and what about when i help her with her problems

[Sailor Mars]

and what about when i help her with her problems

Hey man, honestly, don't listen to ClaraWho. She likes to shift blames and make it seem like your at fault. But honestly, if she's cheating or messing with other dudes, if she's selfish and doesn't care about you, if she's borderline abusive, then dump her. Or you could try and talk to her, but if she fails to see reason and even show some type of concern about you, then dump her.

[Phosphene]

This is not your fault, don't think that for a second. You said yourself you're always there for her when she needs you. If she's not going to do the same, is messing around with other guys, and is brushing off such serious things as your depression and self-harm as unworthy of her time, then don't stay with her. Your trying to help her while dealing with your own issues says a lot, so you deserve someone better.

[ClaraWho]

ok but she dosent even think to check up on me anymore she called me crazy she's not the same girl i met 2 years ago even without nmy feeling this she's no longer the girl i fell inlove with and she told me she wont be that girl anymore either


and what about when i help her with her problems

Maybe she is just fed up of having to be the adult and carrying you?

Other people will absolve you of any responsibility. They'll baby you and handhold because they don't understand depression and think you need special kind treatment, even when you are in the wrong. You know this won't help you. It just enables your self-pity, which is a key component of depression.

If she isn't the same girl, and she will never be again, then you need to move on. Focus on your own wellbeing as I laid out.

~ Clara