Weekend from Hell

[Dark_Desires]

I'm not sure if i'm looking for advice or to vent but i have to get this out.

4 Days ago i told my then Partner at the time that i have known since
Primary school or 12 years and was Best friends with for 3-4 then in a
Relationship on and off for 2-3. That i was kinda getting sick of having to
text first and that i was unhappy and considered leaving.

I have Depression and GAD and at times especially in my past
i haven't been the best person but i try my best these days and
make a effort with communication and improving myself or myself.

My now ex Partner ( lets call her ) has Biopolar and GAD as well as
PTSD from sexual trauma and abuse.

Anyway after i said that it turned into a argument after L sent me a huge
text saying she didn't want to be intimate or have sex ( which is fair enough
and some relationships are like that ) With recently L was communicating less and less to the point of me always texting first and not talking for days or weeks. So i was a bit surprised and freaked honestly.
She didn't want to lose me but felt she didn't have self control or was weak when she was with me. It was also a point of finding herself.
Later on in the Argument it turned out a long while ago she had a positive on a pregnancy test that turned out to be a false positive.
I didn't know until much later in the Argument and it made sense. ( She said she didn't want to scare me ) but i said i should be.

The Argument then progressed into i just want to be friends so i can find myself and if i can respect that or not.
I asked her how it could work us been Friends when i Loved her and had feelings ( I don't think its healthy been friends with you Love someone in a more than Platonic way, especially with so much history )

She kept pushing me for a answer if i was going to leave her and then
If i could respect her decision. I honestly had no answer and its not like
i wanted to leave the person I love. In the argument she brought up our
Past and specifically a suicide attempt i had. She also started swearing at me
and especially when closer to the end i said she didn't love me the same way i loved her. ( which in the end she said yes you love me more than i do you )
This isn't the first time any of this has happened. Yes i know i'm a idiot for getting into a Relationship with someone that is abusive and has a habit of lashing out for the third time but that's the problem i did love her.

In the argument she brought up the age gap we had and the fact we had sex when i was 19 and she was 16. Yes i know it was illegal and shouldn't have but i loved her and trusted her ( Legal age here is 17 ) but still she brought it
up in a malicious way like she has before. I said why not just turn myself
into the police so you don't have to ever deal with me again if it bothers you so much. At this point she Threatened to Kill herself as soon as i said that.

I honestly never thought she would cross that line and Threaten to kill herself. Not ever had i considered it. In the end she was so angry and
in general abusive she just said i'm done and not getting involved with this.
And that she wants nothing to ever do with me again.

Not the first time she has said that either.
She always comes back and says sorry every time something like this
happens.

I'm honestly Heart Broken because i did and do love her as much as i humanly can. But i don't need to be lashed out at or abused every couple of weeks.

I'm glad its over and i won't ever go back again ( I have finally learnt my lesson ) Problem is i know eventually come back even tho i'm hoping in part
she won't. Or tho the thought of never seeing her again is honestly
Upsetting.

Maybe i caused this or did something wrong i don't know.
I was lucky that my Bestfriend was staying with me while this happened.
I kept asking him if i caused this or did something wrong but he didn't think so. Still can't help feel guilty over this all.

Its not like i wanted to lose her but oh well its over now.

Sorry for my lack of Grammar and wall of text but i had to
get that out somehwere because right now holding it in
is just going to cause more problems.

[Uniquemind]

I'm not sure if i'm looking for advice or to vent but i have to get this out.

4 Days ago i told my then Partner at the time that i have known since
Primary school or 12 years and was Best friends with for 3-4 then in a
Relationship on and off for 2-3. That i was kinda getting sick of having to
text first and that i was unhappy and considered leaving.

I have Depression and GAD and at times especially in my past
i haven't been the best person but i try my best these days and
make a effort with communication and improving myself or myself.

My now ex Partner ( lets call her ) has Biopolar and GAD as well as
PTSD from sexual trauma and abuse.

Anyway after i said that it turned into a argument after L sent me a huge
text saying she didn't want to be intimate or have sex ( which is fair enough
and some relationships are like that ) With recently L was communicating less and less to the point of me always texting first and not talking for days or weeks. So i was a bit surprised and freaked honestly.
She didn't want to lose me but felt she didn't have self control or was weak when she was with me. It was also a point of finding herself.
Later on in the Argument it turned out a long while ago she had a positive on a pregnancy test that turned out to be a false positive.
I didn't know until much later in the Argument and it made sense. ( She said she didn't want to scare me ) but i said i should be.

The Argument then progressed into i just want to be friends so i can find myself and if i can respect that or not.
I asked her how it could work us been Friends when i Loved her and had feelings ( I don't think its healthy been friends with you Love someone in a more than Platonic way, especially with so much history )

She kept pushing me for a answer if i was going to leave her and then
If i could respect her decision. I honestly had no answer and its not like
i wanted to leave the person I love. In the argument she brought up our
Past and specifically a suicide attempt i had. She also started swearing at me
and especially when closer to the end i said she didn't love me the same way i loved her. ( which in the end she said yes you love me more than i do you )
This isn't the first time any of this has happened. Yes i know i'm a idiot for getting into a Relationship with someone that is abusive and has a habit of lashing out for the third time but that's the problem i did love her.

In the argument she brought up the age gap we had and the fact we had sex when i was 19 and she was 16. Yes i know it was illegal and shouldn't have but i loved her and trusted her ( Legal age here is 17 ) but still she brought it
up in a malicious way like she has before. I said why not just turn myself
into the police so you don't have to ever deal with me again if it bothers you so much. At this point she Threatened to Kill herself as soon as i said that.

I honestly never thought she would cross that line and Threaten to kill herself. Not ever had i considered it. In the end she was so angry and
in general abusive she just said i'm done and not getting involved with this.
And that she wants nothing to ever do with me again.

Not the first time she has said that either.
She always comes back and says sorry every time something like this
happens.

I'm honestly Heart Broken because i did and do love her as much as i humanly can. But i don't need to be lashed out at or abused every couple of weeks.

I'm glad its over and i won't ever go back again ( I have finally learnt my lesson ) Problem is i know eventually come back even tho i'm hoping in part
she won't. Or tho the thought of never seeing her again is honestly
Upsetting.

Maybe i caused this or did something wrong i don't know.
I was lucky that my Bestfriend was staying with me while this happened.
I kept asking him if i caused this or did something wrong but he didn't think so. Still can't help feel guilty over this all.

Its not like i wanted to lose her but oh well its over now.

Sorry for my lack of Grammar and wall of text but i had to
get that out somehwere because right now holding it in
is just going to cause more problems.


Well it seems to me that nobody caused this directly, but from what is described there were moments in the conversation where either party, and in one instance you in particular, could've been less defensive and accusatory.

That moment was when she was asking just for friendship, for a time so she and you could individually get yourselves together. But at that point you turned it into about you and your feelings, which from her perspective was interpreted as selfish.

Now I'm not blaming you or anything, but I squarely put blame on both of your mutual mental health issues.

It's aggravating and refueling a drama fight in a relationship like an intense ping pong match, where the ball gains more and more speed.

In relationships when stuff like this goes down, one party usually needs to absorb some of that intensity, regain a small amount of calm and say:

"Okay where do we go from here?" (Understanding you can gain anything healthy from getting angry at them based on what they need to do for their own health.


You never wanna get I to a situation where the argument boils down to this:

Person A: "well what about my feelings?"

Person B: "well what about my feelings based on what your doing for yours?"

At that point it becomes toxic and you two went that far.

---

Learn from this and definitely apologize and at least rekindle a friendship.


Not everyone can do this but also understand that love has many components and I think we get confused that sometimes holding back the expression of passion, is just as loving as expressing and releasing that passionate energy upon them.

Love is delicate and fragile, handle with care.


---

Also this isn't about the age gap issue. That was an extraneous detail that came up just for stuff to say in anger towards each other in the heat of the moment I'll bet.

This however is directly within my theory regarding maturity, it isn't a calander age, it how one manages their and others mental state and emotion. That's maturity.


And this shows a real concern that perhaps neither one of you are ready for a relationship at this point in time. There's nothing wrong or shameful about that.

[jamie_n5]

You both have health issues and that doesn't help. Actually I think in your argument that you both got things off your chests and minds that have been bothering you. One of the biggest things in a relationship is good communication. You need to talk and let each other know what you think or want and so on. I you love her tell her that and tell her that you want to work things out together and figure out how to get along better and keep communications going better. Good luck.