GondolaPatent
October 3rd, 2016, 02:31 AM
I am usually very good at filtering out crushes over people I have 0% chance with. This is especially useful because I am gay and thus (even if you discount my below average looks) 85% of the potential male dating pool is closed off to me.
You should know that I am not out yet, only because I have to be careful about telling my parents while I am financially dependent. Some friends know, and I am sure people that know me have there suspicions. I do not act overly gay most of the time unless I am talking about a subject I am really passionate about (Math or History) in which case gestures, and phrase composition veer in the queer direction.
For the most part the smaller "dating pool" isn't really a problem, as I said I am really good at filtering out feelings. If I see a cute guy that I don't know is gay or bi I usually get over him really quickly.
However there is one person I really cant shake a crush on, and it is causing me a lot of emotions. Frustration because I cant figure out why I am stuck on him, and of course the usual "lovey dovey" feelings.
It has been almost a year now.
What is attractive about him? I really don't know. His looks are fairly average, and he is decently overweight (though it mostly compliments his physique). The only thing I can figure is mabye I have a think for football players, or its possible that there is something about the way he walks and interacts that is just attractive. Its not a lust attraction or anything just what I imagine a head over heels crush feels like. Still, I have been able to stop crushes over people way hotter then him.
I do not know if he is gay or straight, he is not a huge social media dweller so It is difficult to tell if he has been in a relationship before. However he has a masculine, doughty, almost veering on disrespectful personality so I am doubting he is bi/gay. Even if I found out he was 100% straight it probably wouldn't help here.
We are only in the same building every Saturday at a musical group Rehearsals. We are on opposite sides of the room during these rehearsals and rarely interact. Except for two occasions
1. He asked me if this was the proper line to get pizza at a special event we had
2. We were on an elevator and he randomly asked if I knew what a Spanish word in english was.
And that is about it. I am shy especially around people that don't seem nerdy like him. And he is the "strong and silent type". It would be a lot easier to imagine befriending him if our communication skills weren't so incompatible.
I really hate it, every Saturday I steal some glances in his direction (it is possible he has noticed although the room does have at least 120 people in it so idk) and that alone is enough to make me off balance for Saturday evening most of Sunday and Monday if I am really off guard.
I just cant shake it.
And now it seems to be getting worse. I have noticed that there have been at least 4 occurrences where (bare with me this is weird yes I know) I have gone to the bathroom at an irregular time during the rehearsals and he would be there shortly after as well. So likely it is a coincidence (we shall see what comes of this) or he is trying to communicate or our biological clocks are in sync (meaning of course that we were meant for each-other :yeah:).
Also one time he was near me and he seemed that he was either waiting for something, or about ready to say something. And in the elevator he randomly asked me the question out of the blue.
Needless to say none of those things are evidence that anything abnormal is going on, it is just my brain putting evidence into patterns that help it believe what it wants. It for sure wishes something other then a hopeless crush was going on.
What should my next steps be to shake this crush? What are some good mens bathroom code appropriate conversation starters should we ever coincidently meet again on the way to the bathroom? Ideas/thoughts/advice?
You should know that I am not out yet, only because I have to be careful about telling my parents while I am financially dependent. Some friends know, and I am sure people that know me have there suspicions. I do not act overly gay most of the time unless I am talking about a subject I am really passionate about (Math or History) in which case gestures, and phrase composition veer in the queer direction.
For the most part the smaller "dating pool" isn't really a problem, as I said I am really good at filtering out feelings. If I see a cute guy that I don't know is gay or bi I usually get over him really quickly.
However there is one person I really cant shake a crush on, and it is causing me a lot of emotions. Frustration because I cant figure out why I am stuck on him, and of course the usual "lovey dovey" feelings.
It has been almost a year now.
What is attractive about him? I really don't know. His looks are fairly average, and he is decently overweight (though it mostly compliments his physique). The only thing I can figure is mabye I have a think for football players, or its possible that there is something about the way he walks and interacts that is just attractive. Its not a lust attraction or anything just what I imagine a head over heels crush feels like. Still, I have been able to stop crushes over people way hotter then him.
I do not know if he is gay or straight, he is not a huge social media dweller so It is difficult to tell if he has been in a relationship before. However he has a masculine, doughty, almost veering on disrespectful personality so I am doubting he is bi/gay. Even if I found out he was 100% straight it probably wouldn't help here.
We are only in the same building every Saturday at a musical group Rehearsals. We are on opposite sides of the room during these rehearsals and rarely interact. Except for two occasions
1. He asked me if this was the proper line to get pizza at a special event we had
2. We were on an elevator and he randomly asked if I knew what a Spanish word in english was.
And that is about it. I am shy especially around people that don't seem nerdy like him. And he is the "strong and silent type". It would be a lot easier to imagine befriending him if our communication skills weren't so incompatible.
I really hate it, every Saturday I steal some glances in his direction (it is possible he has noticed although the room does have at least 120 people in it so idk) and that alone is enough to make me off balance for Saturday evening most of Sunday and Monday if I am really off guard.
I just cant shake it.
And now it seems to be getting worse. I have noticed that there have been at least 4 occurrences where (bare with me this is weird yes I know) I have gone to the bathroom at an irregular time during the rehearsals and he would be there shortly after as well. So likely it is a coincidence (we shall see what comes of this) or he is trying to communicate or our biological clocks are in sync (meaning of course that we were meant for each-other :yeah:).
Also one time he was near me and he seemed that he was either waiting for something, or about ready to say something. And in the elevator he randomly asked me the question out of the blue.
Needless to say none of those things are evidence that anything abnormal is going on, it is just my brain putting evidence into patterns that help it believe what it wants. It for sure wishes something other then a hopeless crush was going on.
What should my next steps be to shake this crush? What are some good mens bathroom code appropriate conversation starters should we ever coincidently meet again on the way to the bathroom? Ideas/thoughts/advice?