Relationship coming to an end?

[commikid]

Okay guys so here for some advice from those who can be bothered reading all this lol! I know I'm a bit older and no longer a teen :( but ive been on this site years now and any input is better than none. Me and my partner have been together for around 4 years now and around 2 years in she confessed to kissing someone else whilst drunk causing a mass fall out and us to go on a break for around a month. We soon managed to patch things up and got our lives back on track, she moved up north to come and live with me and over time we have settled into the motions of day to day life. Now we have been together for 4 years and I do love her to bits but we seem to spend more time arguing than we do having a good time. I work full time and the other week I ended up having to work 86 hours due to mass shortage in staff at work. we don't see each other too often due to me working such a large amount of hours and this has caused her to want to spend every available minute with me. Since moving up north to live with me she has not really made many friends over the last year and kind of only has me. Over time I have found that her want to spend every spare minute we have together is pushing me away a bit and the other day we had a row and I ended up going to town and getting extremely drunk. she became worried about me and came looking for me in town eventually finding me, only to watch me run away from her as I could not deal with the confrontation. whilst in my drunk state I did regretfully kiss someone else and now feel full of guilt about it but have not told her about this as I know it would break her. I found out that someone at work likes me over the last couple of weeks also and I do like them back but I don't know if it is worth losing what I have for something that might not ever be. Anyway we argued all night long when she eventually caught up with me and now we have decided to go on a break for a week and she is contemplating moving back down south where she comes from and I am a little confused and lost as to what to suggest or do. The more time goes on the more we seem to be arguing but I do care about her and love her but she has not been that happy since she moved up to live with me as she has left all her friends and family behind down south. I really don't know what to do for the best any suggestions guys?

[lliam]

Is she at home allday? Then I suggest she should get a job. Or she should make friends by going on other activities. She needs a social life outside of your relationship too, to be able to stay in this relationship, i guess.

And at least, the relationship-killer No.1 is always less communication between the partners. So talk more often, point all probs out, of course by trying not arguing that much. That's what I learned so far from being in a relationship.

[commikid]

Is she at home allday? Then I suggest she should get a job. Or she should make friends by going on other activities. She needs a social life outside of your relationship too, to be able to stay in this relationship, i guess.

And at least, the relationship-killer No.1 is always less communication between the partners. So talk more often, point all probs out, of course by trying not arguing that much. That's what I learned so far from being in a relationship.

Hey man yeah she has a full time job but hasn't seemed to make any friends unfortunately, we have had a talk and she has moved back to her home town now but she has left things all over saying how much she loves me etc and it kills me inside tbh but I just don't have that same love we once did :/

[jamie_n5]

Well first of all kissing someone else is not any big deal. Why are you two so hung up on something as a little kiss to someone else. My BF and I have given other guys blowjobs and think nothing of it. OK now then do you really truly love her? If so then you better take some time and talk about your relationship and how you can work things out. As the other two have said if all she has to do is sit around home all day and be bored and worry about things then she should get a job.
If you are not in love anymore then this would be the perfect time to end your relationship and break up.

[lliam]

it kills me inside tbh but I just don't have that same love we once did :/

The relationship with my girlfriend is on ldr. We've seen each other only once every two months so far. At least in this respect, I can understand this.

[ClaraWho]

Given that most of the people here are around 7/8 years younger than you, that the longest relationship most will have had is circa 6 months... I don't really think this is the place to sort your adult life out.

I'm not trying to make you feel unwelcome, just not sure you'll find many who have shared a remotely similar experience. Take what you hear with that pinch of salt and add your own experience.

If you do want the advice of a 16 yr old however;

It sounds like you are trying to cling on to the past. But that's just what it is. You say you don't want to lose her, but that happened a long time ago. And vice versa. This is the awkward 'end of relationship' grieving stage. You will mourn what once was, whilst also looking to what can be (the new crush at work for example).

It's good she is moving back home as that will make moving on easier for both of you. It must have been really tough on her being alone all the time. Use the next few weeks to decide what you really want, the last thing either of you need are mixed messages. That also means taking a break from dating whilst you clear your head, you'll only ruin any possible relationship if you enter it with baggage, without knowing what you want.

Think brutally honestly about what went wrong, or what you didn't like/struggled with during your relationship. Think of the negatives as well as the positives and use that as a building block to know what you want and who you are.

Time heals, the key is to be compassionate and accepting to yourself.

Good luck,

~ Clara