PerpetualMotionSquad
February 19th, 2014, 12:57 PM
My mum has ruined my childhood
Ok, so it started off when I was a young kid and I used to hear my mum and dad argue and it used to make me cry a lot. I never knew the ins and outs of it until I reached about 13 when me and my dad got a lot closer. I started to go to work and go fishing with my dad and we had chats about my mother because I really needed to talk to someone about it. My dad, because we got really close, started to tell me about the whole thing.
Examples:
- My mother always says she is not a 'materialistic person' however she thinks a puppy will be the answer to all our problems. Our dog is vicious and she blames it on us and makes my dad feel bad that we cannot have a puppy. We've got her one before. We had to get rid of it because my dog wanted to constantly attack it.
- We are in debt and my mother only works part-time. My dad works fourteen hours a day and gets up at five in the morning. He inhales dangerous fumes daily and damages his lungs, ears and eyes. He is going to die young. She constantly moans at him saying things like 'your work is sh*t. Get a f**king job with decent money. Why don't you work in a factory?' My dad is a self-employed builder who works in every aspect of the building trade. It's impossible for him to get more money working in a factory.
- The other day my mum and dad, for once, were having a joke. My mum had to ruin it. They were joking about how amazing they have been to each other and my mum said 'you owe me for being an amazing wife'. They were laughing. My dad said 'alright so what do you owe me?' My mum stopped in her tracks, straight faced, and said 'you know what? I don't owe you f*cking anything'.
- All my mum talks about is her work. All the time. She'll say it's taking away her social life yet she works part-time and complains about how people annoy her. She also complains that she hates this job and wants another one. She's left countless jobs for the exact same reason. She makes the whole household depressed and will start shouting at my dad, slamming doors, screaming and more things for no apparent reason just randomly.
- She complains that she has no friends and that no-one texts her. The thing is they used to text her until they realised that they're the ones always texting first. My mum never texted them first. If the phone rings she doesn't answer it. She complains about how my dad has friends. He has one friend because all the others have either died or drifted away from him due to him not being allowed out in case he has a good time but my mother doesn't. That brings me on to last New Year's Eve.
- Me and my dad went into our next door neighbour's house for New Year's Eve and my mum was offered a lot of times to come in with us but she said no. My dad had a great time and got drunk. It was the first time he'd been drunk since before I was born. So it was essentially his first time going out with a friend and getting drunk in sixteen years. My mum, because she wasn't having fun, didn't speak to him for about a week and when she did speak to him it was very blank, dismissive conversations. He didn't have fun this New Year's Eve because he didn't want to put up with the consequences.
- My mum complains how we have no money but every day she asks my dad to buy her a packet of cigarettes that costs £8.27 per day. A big bottle of coca cola per day which costs £1.87 I think. Also she asks him to buy her two packs of some coffee drink she has- I'm not sure on the price of that. That's at least £10 a day spent on things that aren't totally necessary. That could get us a holiday over time. Another thing is how she complains we have no holidays and compares us to the richer people in our family.
I could go on with tons more things but I'm assuming this is getting boring now. It's gotten to the point, though, where I look forward to her doing a late shift as she comes home near when I am going to bed so I don't see her for the whole day as I am at school too. As I am writing this she's slamming doors. My dad has told me he's only with my mum because he doesn't want to leave me to deal with her alone. She's completely ruined the (according to most adults) best years of my life. I'm not saying she's scarred me or whatever because I feel I can get back on track if I were to be able to move out. The main reason I am looking forward to university is because I can move out. I look up to my dad he is a massive role-model to me as he has had to put up with a lot of this stuff since I've been born. I've always asked myself am I the reason all this is happening? My dad is the kindest, hardest working man I know and he doesn't deserve any of this. He's even admitted to me that sometimes he'll pretend he's going to work and sit somewhere in his van until my mum leaves for work, then he'll come back home. It's so he doesn't have to deal with the whole 'get another f**cking job' remarks all the time.
I don't know if I've explained myself well enough. I know it all sounds very petty but it really brings me down to the point where I stay at school after hours as much as I can to stay away from her. I am not over exaggerating any of this. It may sound pathetic but it makes me so sad and angry! If anyone else has been though this maybe we can talk? It might be nice to help each other out I don't know. Apparently according to a counsellor at my school this is a form of domestic abuse when I explained this to her in more detail.
Sorry if this has been all jumbled up I am just in such a mess right now. Any advice to help me and my dad out would be helpful :).
P.S. We've tried talking to her hundreds of times about this but it's worked for 3 days at the most. (I counted).
Ok, so it started off when I was a young kid and I used to hear my mum and dad argue and it used to make me cry a lot. I never knew the ins and outs of it until I reached about 13 when me and my dad got a lot closer. I started to go to work and go fishing with my dad and we had chats about my mother because I really needed to talk to someone about it. My dad, because we got really close, started to tell me about the whole thing.
Examples:
- My mother always says she is not a 'materialistic person' however she thinks a puppy will be the answer to all our problems. Our dog is vicious and she blames it on us and makes my dad feel bad that we cannot have a puppy. We've got her one before. We had to get rid of it because my dog wanted to constantly attack it.
- We are in debt and my mother only works part-time. My dad works fourteen hours a day and gets up at five in the morning. He inhales dangerous fumes daily and damages his lungs, ears and eyes. He is going to die young. She constantly moans at him saying things like 'your work is sh*t. Get a f**king job with decent money. Why don't you work in a factory?' My dad is a self-employed builder who works in every aspect of the building trade. It's impossible for him to get more money working in a factory.
- The other day my mum and dad, for once, were having a joke. My mum had to ruin it. They were joking about how amazing they have been to each other and my mum said 'you owe me for being an amazing wife'. They were laughing. My dad said 'alright so what do you owe me?' My mum stopped in her tracks, straight faced, and said 'you know what? I don't owe you f*cking anything'.
- All my mum talks about is her work. All the time. She'll say it's taking away her social life yet she works part-time and complains about how people annoy her. She also complains that she hates this job and wants another one. She's left countless jobs for the exact same reason. She makes the whole household depressed and will start shouting at my dad, slamming doors, screaming and more things for no apparent reason just randomly.
- She complains that she has no friends and that no-one texts her. The thing is they used to text her until they realised that they're the ones always texting first. My mum never texted them first. If the phone rings she doesn't answer it. She complains about how my dad has friends. He has one friend because all the others have either died or drifted away from him due to him not being allowed out in case he has a good time but my mother doesn't. That brings me on to last New Year's Eve.
- Me and my dad went into our next door neighbour's house for New Year's Eve and my mum was offered a lot of times to come in with us but she said no. My dad had a great time and got drunk. It was the first time he'd been drunk since before I was born. So it was essentially his first time going out with a friend and getting drunk in sixteen years. My mum, because she wasn't having fun, didn't speak to him for about a week and when she did speak to him it was very blank, dismissive conversations. He didn't have fun this New Year's Eve because he didn't want to put up with the consequences.
- My mum complains how we have no money but every day she asks my dad to buy her a packet of cigarettes that costs £8.27 per day. A big bottle of coca cola per day which costs £1.87 I think. Also she asks him to buy her two packs of some coffee drink she has- I'm not sure on the price of that. That's at least £10 a day spent on things that aren't totally necessary. That could get us a holiday over time. Another thing is how she complains we have no holidays and compares us to the richer people in our family.
I could go on with tons more things but I'm assuming this is getting boring now. It's gotten to the point, though, where I look forward to her doing a late shift as she comes home near when I am going to bed so I don't see her for the whole day as I am at school too. As I am writing this she's slamming doors. My dad has told me he's only with my mum because he doesn't want to leave me to deal with her alone. She's completely ruined the (according to most adults) best years of my life. I'm not saying she's scarred me or whatever because I feel I can get back on track if I were to be able to move out. The main reason I am looking forward to university is because I can move out. I look up to my dad he is a massive role-model to me as he has had to put up with a lot of this stuff since I've been born. I've always asked myself am I the reason all this is happening? My dad is the kindest, hardest working man I know and he doesn't deserve any of this. He's even admitted to me that sometimes he'll pretend he's going to work and sit somewhere in his van until my mum leaves for work, then he'll come back home. It's so he doesn't have to deal with the whole 'get another f**cking job' remarks all the time.
I don't know if I've explained myself well enough. I know it all sounds very petty but it really brings me down to the point where I stay at school after hours as much as I can to stay away from her. I am not over exaggerating any of this. It may sound pathetic but it makes me so sad and angry! If anyone else has been though this maybe we can talk? It might be nice to help each other out I don't know. Apparently according to a counsellor at my school this is a form of domestic abuse when I explained this to her in more detail.
Sorry if this has been all jumbled up I am just in such a mess right now. Any advice to help me and my dad out would be helpful :).
P.S. We've tried talking to her hundreds of times about this but it's worked for 3 days at the most. (I counted).