I feel that my anger is spiraling out of control

[Cool Mojo]

I can't get into every little detail but I can try and summarize it. I am 15 and I have a younger brother that is 13. For the first 7 years that I've known my 13 year old brother (let's call him Bob) everything was chill.

Unfortunately these past 8 years with Bob have been rocky and it's far worse now. My dad, although supporting us, really isn't around (complications) and so my mom is stressed and her health is deteriorating and my brother is just making it worse. Bob has social problems and as a result he is constantly disrespecting my mom and me and frankly I don't think I'm safe in a house with him even though I'm at at LEAST 5x stronger than he is but my mom is usually exhausted.

Bob has started to go on Instagram and is extremely disrespectful to people there and is using offensive words and threatening people (that can easily whoop his ass) which causes problems for me. He is constantly irritating me because he is bothered at the fact that I appear to be smarter (normal), more talented, and mentally and physically stronger. I have a good reputation, won awards for track, basketball and soccer and I also made honor roll. My brother on the other hand has never made a team and has a poor reputation. The twisted thing is my mom refuses to acknowledge my accomplishments because she wants to make Bob feel good and she abuses me emotionally (saying she hates me, I should just call child services etc) even though I treat her worlds better than my brother. She also tries to force myself Bob onto my friends cause he doesn't really have any and most of my friends don't like him for obvious reasons. I could go on but I think I said enough.

I am usually one to keep my cool but lately I feel like I am going to explode in a very violent way and I've been doing my best to suppress it. My brother has been irritating me so much (belittling me in front of friends, being a smart ass because he wants to look smarter and teasing me cause I'm only an inch or so taller) I feel very distracted now and I'm way more aggressive than I used to be 3 years ago. I'm even considering calling a doctor because at my age I should be enjoying life, not hating it.

[WyvernWubbs]

Im 14, a little bit younger than you but i have a younger sibling too and i understand that it can be hard. My sibling is quite a bit younger than me so theres not as much of a problem. i dont really have any advice but i know that violence and anger only make things worse. is there anywhere you can get away from the house to? A relative or a friends house you could go to? try explain your situation and ask if you can stay for a while. being away could be good for your brother and mom. anyway, I hope this helped and i wish you the best of luck.

[Dalcourt]

I don't have any siblings so I'm not really sure if I can give you any real good advice.
I understand that there's always some sort of rivalry amongst siblings but I see it getting a bit out if control in your brother. You say you feel your brother has social problems so maybe you need to find some help for your brother?
Your Mom seems to try to help him but the way she does is plain wrong and sending out a completely wrong message to your brother. So if your Mom isn't the one you could talk and try to solve the problem with you need to find another adult you can trust. Ya said your Dad is not around but could you contact him and talk? Or any other relatives?
You can't solve the problem alone and certainly you can't swallow all the shit you get from your brother forever so before you explode find someone to help you.
I known this is tough but I don't think there's a way you can do it alone.
I dunno where you live but where I live we have some sort of family help centers...something along that line might also be helpful in your case. Dunno.

Try to stay as calm as you can. Don't let your anger take over it would only make things worse.

So yeah you can also always leave me a message when you need someone to rant to okay.

[Flapjack]

I would talk to your parents about it buddy and find a way of controlling your anger, such as punching a punching bag :)

[Cool Mojo]

I don't have any siblings so I'm not really sure if I can give you any real good advice.
I understand that there's always some sort of rivalry amongst siblings but I see it getting a bit out if control in your brother. You say you feel your brother has social problems so maybe you need to find some help for your brother?
Your Mom seems to try to help him but the way she does is plain wrong and sending out a completely wrong message to your brother. So if your Mom isn't the one you could talk and try to solve the problem with you need to find another adult you can trust. Ya said your Dad is not around but could you contact him and talk? Or any other relatives?
You can't solve the problem alone and certainly you can't swallow all the shit you get from your brother forever so before you explode find someone to help you.
I known this is tough but I don't think there's a way you can do it alone.
I dunno where you live but where I live we have some sort of family help centers...something along that line might also be helpful in your case. Dunno.

Try to stay as calm as you can. Don't let your anger take over it would only make things worse.

So yeah you can also always leave me a message when you need someone to rant to okay.
Thanks for saying this. As much as my brother drives me insane I do want to get help for him however that's near impossible. My brother doesn't believe that he needs help but instead thinks that everyone else is bad when he actually just pushes people away from him. Like when I said in the OP where he harasses people on Instagram, those same people are sending threats to ME because of him. So not only does my brother deny the fact that he's wrong but my mom thinks that I'm the one being mean to him when in reality I'm just being honest. I'm not one to kick someone when they're down but I also don't "beat around the bush." I always do my best to stay calm and think through every situation but at this point I only feel like breaking my brothers face.

My father, although an intelligent and good one, is too calm. He thinks that my brother would grow out of it and that im overreacting but he's probably too lazy to deal with this.

Although I don't want to live with my family I still feel like I owe my mom because she gave birth to me and supports me (feeds me and I have a roof over my head). That said however, I don't get ANY emotional or mental support (which is why I feel like breaking everything in my path) from my mother or brother. I usually rely on my close friends to keep me in check.

[Uniquemind]

Thanks for saying this. As much as my brother drives me insane I do want to get help for him however that's near impossible. My brother doesn't believe that he needs help but instead thinks that everyone else is bad when he actually just pushes people away from him. Like when I said in the OP where he harasses people on Instagram, those same people are sending threats to ME because of him. So not only does my brother deny the fact that he's wrong but my mom thinks that I'm the one being mean to him when in reality I'm just being honest. I'm not one to kick someone when they're down but I also don't "beat around the bush." I always do my best to stay calm and think through every situation but at this point I only feel like breaking my brothers face.

My father, although an intelligent and good one, is too calm. He thinks that my brother would grow out of it and that im overreacting but he's probably too lazy to deal with this.

Although I don't want to live with my family I still feel like I owe my mom because she gave birth to me and supports me (feeds me and I have a roof over my head). That said however, I don't get ANY emotional or mental support (which is why I feel like breaking everything in my path) from my mother or brother. I usually rely on my close friends to keep me in check.


This is the result of bad parenting or parents not understanding their tools on the technological side.

It won't solve everything but the internet the way your brother uses it is not a solution for real life friends and self-esteem.

Until he as an individual decides to acknowledge his own problems, the pity party your mom is giving him needs to stop.

The first step is to limit his access to the internet, he's playing such a dangerous game for your family's safety it really is not funny. He might leak too much personal info and suddenly a psycho shows up who is just as personally unstable as your brother, but everyone ends up hurt.

So this requires some informational technology on how to set up limits regarding what sites are available when internet will even exist for his house.

Take away his smartphone and replace it with a basic flip phone.

But ultimately you need to tell your mom this in private, this isn't something you can do as an older brother.

If she's not listening write a long winded and detailed letter to your father.

[Cool Mojo]

This is the result of bad parenting or parents not understanding their tools on the technological side.

It won't solve everything but the internet the way your brother uses it is not a solution for real life friends and self-esteem.

Until he as an individual decides to acknowledge his own problems, the pity party your mom is giving him needs to stop.

The first step is to limit his access to the internet, he's playing such a dangerous game for your family's safety it really is not funny. He might leak too much personal info and suddenly a psycho shows up who is just as personally unstable as your brother, but everyone ends up hurt.

So this requires some informational technology on how to set up limits regarding what sites are available when internet will even exist for his house.

Take away his smartphone and replace it with a basic flip phone.

But ultimately you need to tell your mom this in private, this isn't something you can do as an older brother.

If she's not listening write a long winded and detailed letter to your father. I think I might do this because I even have proof. The downside is ill probably be grounded to because my brother would say im bullying or stalking him since I've had the screenshot of him threatning a girl for about a week now. Knowing my parents my punishment will be just as severe if not worse. For some reason in my family whenever my brother does something bad I'm responsible, even if I'm on a school trip or something like that.

Just today my mom phone died and I said she could use mine temporarily. My brother thought it was a joke and when I told him it wasn't my mom told me to stop being mean. My mom has always been hard with me, was always straight with me but when it comes to my brother she refuses to acknowledge the truth or just lies to make him feel good.

[jamie_n5]

I think that your last thought would be a great idea. He need a psychologist or a psychiatrist for sure. You and your mom need to get him help. He needs intervention.

[Cool Mojo]

I think that your last thought would be a great idea. He need a psychologist or a psychiatrist for sure. You and your mom need to get him help. He needs intervention.

My uncle is the only one who really kinda understands and he actually recommended boot camp for myou brother to straighten him out but I feel that it would make the situation 100x worse because my brother would be 110% against that idea and he can be really sketchy when irritated and I always fear for my mom's safety.

[Drewboyy]

Violence really shouldn't be an answer but you could always try to take your anger out and kill some punching bag. Trust me, you don't want to punch a hole in the wall (or your brother lol). It hurts

Your father might be lazy but he could also be right about him not needing help either. I think he's just being a 13 year old at its worst- especially with access to social media.

Your uncle is also totally right. Send a kid to bootcamp and they will show significant behavior improvement, but it's probably not necessary.

I don't have a younger brother and I am not the largest person but I've shown dominance to boys his age before through sheer words.

[Cool Mojo]

Violence really shouldn't be an answer but you could always try to take your anger out and kill some punching bag. Trust me, you don't want to punch a hole in the wall (or your brother lol). It hurts

Your father might be lazy but he could also be right about him not needing help either. I think he's just being a 13 year old at its worst- especially with access to social media.

Your uncle is also totally right. Send a kid to bootcamp and they will show significant behavior improvement, but it's probably not necessary.

I don't have a younger brother and I am not the largest person but I've shown dominance to boys his age before through sheer words. This actually inspired me. I could try using my words to release my anger but not in a very negative way (I'd love a punching bag too). And maybe some 13 year olds do this but I was never like this and I don't know any other 13 year old like him. He's rude, defensive, definitely insecure and jealous. The thing is he is blessed with decent facial features and height that people his age wish for. Not to mention he's a math genius.

I just wish he would get off my balls and focus on his own craft and his alone. This threatening people on Instagram and being a "shit talker" is probably just to make him look tough when he really isn't. He's nearly my height and I still weigh 40-50 pounds heavier just cause he's super skinny. He can easily develop skill for sports if he wasn't so lazy because he is efficient with both hands and is a decent height. Just needs to work on attitude and technique.

[Drewboyy]

This actually inspired me. I could try using my words to release my anger but not in a very negative way (I'd love a punching bag too). And maybe some 13 year olds do this but I was never like this and I don't know any other 13 year old like him. He's rude, defensive, definitely insecure and jealous. The thing is he is blessed with decent facial features and height that people his age wish for. Not to mention he's a math genius.

I just wish he would get off my balls and focus on his own craft and his alone. This threatening people on Instagram and being a "shit talker" is probably just to make him look tough when he really isn't. He's nearly my height and I still weigh 40-50 pounds heavier just cause he's super skinny. He can easily develop skill for sports if he wasn't so lazy because he is efficient with both hands and is a decent height. Just needs to work on attitude and technique.

A lot of 13 year olds are really shitty.

Exactly, he needs work. He will develop sooner than later. I mean, you could try pushing him yourself to see if you can make things better and make him respect you.

[jamie_n5]

Well I still recommend professional help and intervention.