My best friend is in love with me

[Riley2015]

I have been having a great summer this year and completely different to last year (last year i got grounded all summer)

I have been on holiday with my best friend and her family and we had a great time. Well i have 3 best friends, one boy and two girls. Well this girl i went away with, we have been friends since primary school and we are so close that we kept the friendship even when we went to separate secondary schools (i go all boys)

Anyway where we went there was a beach and most evenings we would both go down the beach and see the sunset. We would sit and talk and we talked a lot about different stuff. On the last night she told me that she has feelings for me beyond friends, that she is in love with me and that she wants a relationship with me.she then kissed me. She also told me she wants us to get married when we are old enough! I was taken by surprise because i always thought we were just best friends and that's how i thought she felt. I don't really see her as anything other than one of my best friends and i would worry we would lose the friendship by complicating it by getting together too. Sometimes its best just to keep a close friendship and not make it anything more.

I told her all this right away, i don't want anyone to think i would lie to her or string her along, that's cruel and i wouldn't do that. i told her exactly how i feel, that i just want to stay best friends. But then she said she thinks that all i need is time to change my mind, time to get my head around it.That she thinks there has always been something more between us. She said she is happy to give me time and not push things. She thinks i will, as she put it, ''realise we belong together eventually''

How do i deal with this? She is my best friend, i don't want her being hurt but i told her honestly how i felt right away and she didn't want to listen. Now she is hoping for me to give her the answer she wants and i can't do that. It would be unfair on her and unfair on me too if i pretended something i don't feel. It's really hard, i don't know how to deal with this.I want us to just stay best friends and i don't want us to fall out and lose what we have as friends and i don't want her to get hurt. But i don't really know how exactly to handle this and get a good outcome and avoid anything negative. She seems to have her heart set on getting together. She admitted to me that she has felt this way for a longtime about me and that she kept it to herself and waited until she felt ready to tell me and felt brave enough to tell me.

I just don't know the best way to handle this? :(

Any advice?

EDIT - I think i should have posted this in family and friends rather than here

[jamie_n5]

Have you had a sexual relationship in this friendship? That would complicate things and make her feel the way she does about you. If not then I would say that you will have to be stronger and more convincing with her in talking with her. I feel for you cause you are in a tough position and a delicate situation. I know you must love her as a friend and don't want too loose that and just want her to understand that is all you want and want to stay at that level. I sure hope you can convince her of that. Good luck.

[Zachary G]

Sit her down and have another deep talk with her and explain to her how you have feelings for her, but only as a best friend; explain to her how you are afraid that a relationship will complicate things between you and how you are afraid of losing what you have worked so hard to keep going over the years. Let her know that the last thing you would ever do is hurt her, but the love you have for her is more sisterly than romantic. Its a delicate situation to be in, but you have to express your feelings and thoughts so that she will understand and not take it personally. Good luck.

[Tesserax]

I have been having a great summer this year and completely different to last year (last year i got grounded all summer)

I have been on holiday with my best friend and her family and we had a great time. Well i have 3 best friends, one boy and two girls. Well this girl i went away with, we have been friends since primary school and we are so close that we kept the friendship even when we went to separate secondary schools (i go all boys)

Anyway where we went there was a beach and most evenings we would both go down the beach and see the sunset. We would sit and talk and we talked a lot about different stuff. On the last night she told me that she has feelings for me beyond friends, that she is in love with me and that she wants a relationship with me.she then kissed me. She also told me she wants us to get married when we are old enough! I was taken by surprise because i always thought we were just best friends and that's how i thought she felt. I don't really see her as anything other than one of my best friends and i would worry we would lose the friendship by complicating it by getting together too. Sometimes its best just to keep a close friendship and not make it anything more.

I told her all this right away, i don't want anyone to think i would lie to her or string her along, that's cruel and i wouldn't do that. i told her exactly how i feel, that i just want to stay best friends. But then she said she thinks that all i need is time to change my mind, time to get my head around it.That she thinks there has always been something more between us. She said she is happy to give me time and not push things. She thinks i will, as she put it, ''realise we belong together eventually''

How do i deal with this? She is my best friend, i don't want her being hurt but i told her honestly how i felt right away and she didn't want to listen. Now she is hoping for me to give her the answer she wants and i can't do that. It would be unfair on her and unfair on me too if i pretended something i don't feel. It's really hard, i don't know how to deal with this.I want us to just stay best friends and i don't want us to fall out and lose what we have as friends and i don't want her to get hurt. But i don't really know how exactly to handle this and get a good outcome and avoid anything negative. She seems to have her heart set on getting together. She admitted to me that she has felt this way for a longtime about me and that she kept it to herself and waited until she felt ready to tell me and felt brave enough to tell me.

I just don't know the best way to handle this? :(

Any advice?

EDIT - I think i should have posted this in family and friends rather than here

My advice is to reconsider everything. Look at the entire situation, what are you afraid of? A good relationship is simply a friendship that has advanced to include more intimacy, and that intimacy often occurs between best friends, which is why best friends of the opposite sex often fall for each other.

Don't look at the situation in terms of her or the two of you, ask yourself what you want. Do you "love" her? As in, even if it's as a sister, a friend, or whatever, if there is love there there is connection, and if there is connection there is the possibility for a relationship.

The best way to see it is simply as two best friends who can kiss and do stuff that a couple would do, because that's exactly what you are, two best friends. That is the ultimate goal for me personally, for my partner to also be my best friend. The thing is, when we find our soul mate, there are always going to be risks; you might mess up, the friendship might turn sour, and so on. That's always going to be the case, but you have to take the leap of faith or nothing will come of it.

However, there is always the possibility that you simply do not want a relationship as you have said, in which case that must also be respected. I am unfortunately not so well equipped to explain that. Whatever happens though, good luck :)

[ZzeWatermelon]

Well, if you do feel attracted to her, or if you feel as if there is a possibility that this might work out, just get closer to her in a more romantic way and she'll understand the content.
But from what I've understood, she's totally not the type of girl you'll date, and if she's being a bit pushy, just give yourself some time to think again and tell her what you've already said: you'd prefer to stay best friends. And lastly, you could even add you already like someone, if you can argument that. ;)
Keep us posted, good luck! ��

[Uniquemind]

I'd wait it out for a bit too before giving an answer.

You've a had a rough year, and from past posts, your home life seems to hold the potential to twist your idea of what a relationship should look or feel like.

I'd give yourself time, then honestly give an answer to her despite whether or not it hurts her feelings.

But "time" for you might be years (like maybe into your 18 and above years)..make sure that's clearly defined and communicated.

[paul955]

If you haven't felt the connection yet, it's not going to happen...and if it does, it's probably you tricking yourself into liking her because she likes you and it would just be convenient.

Up until now you haven't seen her as more, and i'm 99% certain that extra special connection won't suddenly come about. Drop the friendship before she gets more hurt, and maybe in the future things will settle and she'll find someone else to focus on.

[hesaidhesaid]

Tell her that everything has a light at the end of the tunnel- always leave the book open. Just say you can't get together now and while that might break her heart now, it doesn't mean that you might not get together in the future. Everything has a time and a place for things to happen- especially including getting with someone. You both just have to realise when that right time is.

And who knows- maybe it will turn out even better when you wait. Best of luck.