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View Full Version : Am I a bad friend??


DoodleBug36
August 24th, 2016, 03:44 PM
So basically, about 5 weeks ago, my best friend invited me on a day out to Edinburgh. Obviously I said yeas, I'd love to go. However, on the bus there, she turned to me and said is it okay if I ask a guy she has been talking to online if he wants to meet up with us. I said no, I want it to be just the two of us....and anyway I would feel like a third wheel! She disregarded my comment and invited him anyway.😢 Anyway, we got into Edinburgh and met up with this other guy. My initial thoughts were he seems like a nice guy, and he's the sort of guy my friend tends to go for....and they are well suited!! It was only after about 4 or 5 hours I started to think he's a really great guy!

A couple of weeks passed afterwards and we met up again. This time I didn't feel like a third wheel which I was ecstatic about! My friend said to me I was acting funny, but I just shrugged it off as her being weird!

We met up with him again last week and I was really looking forward to it. A couple of days before we were due to meet up with him my friend and I were talking and she was asking really awkward questions about how I was feeling about things! "She said I really like him!" I stupidly reported "I don't blame you!" This lead her to ask if I fancied him!!! At this point I start to panic and deny everything! She saw right through my lies and screamed out "you do, don't you"!? After that, I couldn't hide it, and said yes. She tried to make light if it, but it really hurts me to think her and I both fancy the same guy ( who is bi ), he only knows she fancies him, and she is happy to accept me fancying him! I also told my friend the other night that there's a tiny bit of me wants to see if fail between them, and she was so understanding, and when I asked if she forgave me, get response was "there is nothing I can forgive you for! You've done nothing except be truly open with me and Im glad. Obviously you are going to want to see it fail, you fancy him....it's the same with anyone who fancies their friends guy, jealousy wants to see it fail. Therefore I have no reason to need to forgive you!"

I can't stop thinking about this guy!! I've cried myself to sleep most nights for the past month, and I can't get him off my mind! Am I a bad friend for being so open? Am I a bad friend because I fancy the guy my best friend wants a relationship with? I just don't know!! My friend says I have nothing g to worry about, but I think if I had nothing to worry about, I would be able to see this guy as a friend too, but I can't! What does any of this mean???

Drewboyy
August 24th, 2016, 03:52 PM
You're never a bad person for being open, if your friend doesn't accept your thoughts then she isn't a "best" friend. But it seems she doesn't care so this whole problem is only going on in your mind.

Basically you are just being a teenager at its finest.

Phosphene
August 24th, 2016, 06:00 PM
You're not a bad friend. It's best to be honest, it is important to be honest especially with those you are closest to. She seems like a great friend. Not everyone would be as understanding as her.

Regina
August 24th, 2016, 07:50 PM
There's nothing wrong with liking someone. You can't help how you feel

Ben7
August 24th, 2016, 11:31 PM
You are not a bad friend at all! I think it was brave of you that you were honest and your friend seems very understanding about it which is great!

lemondrop
August 25th, 2016, 02:17 AM
Bruuhhh,you have the most amazing friend ever ,she' soooo cool ^.^ . You're not a bad friend,just a bit jealous, you can't change who you're, just be honest with everyone ;)

Croconaw
August 25th, 2016, 03:11 AM
I don't think you're a bad friend :)

ClaraWho
August 25th, 2016, 06:09 PM
The most important point I can make is this;

You can't make someone love you, they either do or they don't.

Your friend seems mature enough to realise this truth, for which I applaud her and your honesty. If he is with her romantically however and appears to just want to be your friend, there's nothing you can do except try to move on. Maybe don't hang out together if it will be too difficult initially.

Unreciprocated feelings are horrible, I don't envy you...

Good Luck

~ Clara

Just JT
August 25th, 2016, 07:38 PM
I agree with everyone here. All I'll add is don't view this as like a commitment or competition or anything. Just let the relationship(s) continue as they have been and follow your instincts. Seems like everyone involved is pretty open and cool about stuff. So just see where it goes.