I'm a horrible person...

[Equinox1]

There's this kid in my grade who doesn't have a very good home life. I don't think he's being abused but it's still bad. He didn't have any friends until the 7th grade and he still gets picked on a bit. This year, one of my friends randomly stopped talking to him after they'd been friends for ages. I think that hurt him too.

Lately, this person has taken an interest in me. I'm very flattered and I'd like to be friends but the problem is that I have terrible social anxiety. He's also very chatty and loud. I feel awful. I haven't really said anything to him, I want to but I just get too nervous in the moment and freeze. He hasn't said too much to me but if he tells me a joke then I just laugh and I try and smile so I don't come off as a mean person. But he's noticed that I'm more awkward around him than other people (personality clash, haven't really talked, etc) like we were supposed to line up in order at school and he asked me why I was standing so far away from him and I feel so guilty :( I don't want him to think that I hate him or that I'm one of the mean people but I keep hesitating so much :(

[Flapjack]

Don't feel guilty buddy, you sound like a really nice person and have done nothing wrong!! It is just your social anxiety :) I would try explaining that to him but please do avoid making it sound like you fancy him :)

[jamie_n5]

Don't feel guilty buddy, you sound like a really nice person and have done nothing wrong!! It is just your social anxiety :) I would try explaining that to him but please do avoid making it sound like you fancy him :)

I agree with Flapjack too. Does your social anxiety make it that difficult to talk to and be close to others at times? Is there any help or treatment or meds that would help you adapt to handling this better? I would guess that you and your family have sought help for you to deal with your anxiety. I think that you should tell this guy about your social anxiety and that you like him but it makes certain things hard for you to do and to give you time and space to get to know him better. I hope that you can get help to better deal with things.

[Desynchronized]

Thats not your fault buddy. Talk with him about all this stuff. Hopefully he'll take this nicely and things will be find soon.

[Uniquemind]

That does not make you a horrible person.

It's just you have your own problems, and he has his. It's understandable why he's a bit clingy, but I think you understand that already, the task now is to communicate with him but to do so honestly and guilt-free when trying to explain why you behave the way you do.

I think your reaction is a natural defense mechanism when you sense others are trying to "force" friendship upon you. Socially your views on right/wrong are affecting or causing pressure to accept him and treat him politely.

But a deep question you're going to have to ask yourself is do you really want him as a friend or are you just being polite? If the answer is just being polite, then that's okay too, you aren't bullying him or teasing him, and it is not your job to be "society's representation of good".

If you find that you do want to be friends, then just communicate that you have to take it slow because of your anxiety. You're just getting to know him, while others you've known for longer.

Also don't tell him this part, but consider the fact that he is socially inexperienced too, and there's an immature element to how he tries to kindle a friendship.

Think of pre-school, and kindergarten days, back then, most of us just walked up to others, introduced ourselves, found a common interest and then continued to play. A bond would form or it wouldn't.

In some respects that's kind of what is happening here for him or that's the tactics he uses, except as you get older the path and strategies of everyone else gets more narrow on how to start friendships and relationships.

(People start passing judgements they understand reputation, activity interests and hobby interests change, homework begins to be more demanding, and romance issues can create issues regarding time management).

So that explains what's going on here. Hope I helped.

[Ben7]

You're not a horrible person! It's your social anxiety and you shouldn't feel bad because of that. However, as som here have already suggested I also think you should explain to him as best as you can what you have just so that he doesn't think that you hate him or anything like that.

If you don't really want to be his friend either that is also fine. You should not in any way feel pressured to befriend him if you don't want to. However you should also keep in mind though that you could at least give it a try to be his friend or at least acquaintance, and I'm sure it would mean a lot to him if you try to reciprocate a tentative friendship. He doesn't seem to have many friends or an easy life and even one more friend like you would be significant. I'm not familiar with how social anxiety manifests itself or how difficult it would be for you to overcome this anxiety in order to befriend this kid, but maybe you'd lose nothing by trying. But again, you don't have to try to be his friend and you shouldn't feel pressured about it either, it's totally fine to decide not to! All I'm saying is giving it a try may be worth considering, as a good friendship can change someone's life. Good luck with whatever you decide!

[Cool Mojo]

I actually had an issue similar to this. I think you should tell him why you act awkward around him.