I'm so angry.

[Hadlye]

Sometimes I really feel what they say, is true. Girls are stupid. We just fall for any guy who speaks sweetly and is a bit concerned about us. Well, I did, and I fell real hard. I really fell for him when he said that he likes me a lot and I'm different and I belong to the list of special people in his life. Well, aren't those the sweetest words a girl would love to hear. And not just that, he said that he can't imagine a day without me in it. He feels real empty, the days I don't speak to him or we don't get to see each other. And so I fell for him, believed all that he said and did all that he asked me to. And I lied to my best friend and every other people I love and went out with him to a beach trip all alone. And yes I slept with him there. I thought he was the guy, my perfect love. And the trip was really romantic until we reached back home. Right after we came back, he stopped talking to me or chatting with me. He started avoiding me and didn't even reply to any of my messages. When I met him directly and asked him what was going on, he said that he was never looking for a serious relationship and probably I got too much involved in it. I mean, what does that mean? Was all this just to get me in bed? I am so furious that I want to charge up a case of sexual assault on him. And check this out, according to the law, I can do that. http://www.torontodefencelawyers.com/practice-areas/sexual-assault/ What do you guys propose? Should I do it or not. Cause I believe, he deserves a good punishment for what he did. But then I feel that there was mistake on my side too. Cause I believed him too much. And more than that, filing a case against him, would cause me a bad name too. :( What do I do? Please advice.

[Flapjack]

Sometimes I really feel what they say, is true. Girls are stupid. We just fall for any guy who speaks sweetly and is a bit concerned about us. Well, I did, and I fell real hard. I really fell for him when he said that he likes me a lot and I'm different and I belong to the list of special people in his life. Well, aren't those the sweetest words a girl would love to hear. And not just that, he said that he can't imagine a day without me in it. He feels real empty, the days I don't speak to him or we don't get to see each other. And so I fell for him, believed all that he said and did all that he asked me to. And I lied to my best friend and every other people I love and went out with him to a beach trip all alone. And yes I slept with him there. I thought he was the guy, my perfect love. And the trip was really romantic until we reached back home. Right after we came back, he stopped talking to me or chatting with me. He started avoiding me and didn't even reply to any of my messages. When I met him directly and asked him what was going on, he said that he was never looking for a serious relationship and probably I got too much involved in it. I mean, what does that mean? Was all this just to get me in bed? I am so furious that I want to charge up a case of sexual assault on him. And check this out, according to the law, I can do that. http://www.torontodefencelawyers.com/practice-areas/sexual-assault/ What do you guys propose? Should I do it or not. Cause I believe, he deserves a good punishment for what he did. But then I feel that there was mistake on my side too. Cause I believed him too much. And more than that, filing a case against him, would cause me a bad name too. :frown: What do I do? Please advice.


Right firstly I am sorry he used you and that you are heartbroken, I hope you move on soon:

Please do not file fake sexual assault charges. People that do that are scum. People that do that are the reason when a women is really raped she feels like she can't come out because no one will believe her. Not to mention you are wasting police time and when if it is proved you made it up, you could, and should, be sued for slander.

[Dalcourt]

First I wanna say that I'm sorry that this happened to you. It's sad that a lot of guys are like that.

But as Jack said...don't make any false accusations it wouldn't only be a very bad thing to do but it could also get you in trouble. And just think about it if you do this now, they find out you lied and in a few years someone would really assault you and they won't believe you cuz you once lied about it?

So if you want revenge on him decide on something else but don't do that.

[Just JT]

I agree, very sorry for that happening to you. I'm sure you feel those actions would be just. Bt filing a charge like that, could ruin his life, forever. He'd probably lose out of job chances, nobody would believe him, the stigma last a lifetime. Not saying what he did was right, it wasn't, he's a dickhead. But that....that'll ruin him forever.

Your in Canada I guess...in the states he'd have to register at the police Dept as a known sex offender for life in every city he works, lives, goes to church, etc. there are laws about where he can't live, many jobs he'd never be able to have, and it's all public information. It's posted on the web in every city and town, as well as a community bulletin board in the town hall, police Dept, and I'm pretty sure the post office as well. People make sure that everyone knows who the sex offenders are.

So don't do that to someone's life please, just pick up the pieces, move on and forget the fucking asshole. He's not worth your time.

[ClaraWho]

Right firstly I am sorry he used you and that you are heartbroken, I hope you move on soon:

Please do not file fake sexual assault charges. People that do that are scum. People that do that are the reason when a women is really raped she feels like she can't come out because no one will believe her. Not to mention you are wasting police time and when if it is proved you made it up, you could, and should, be sued for slander.

This. Not the what JT was talking about (I think he misunderstood). He didn't break the law, but making a false statement is illegal. Different countries have different names for it, Perverting the Course of Justice (UK), which often carries a prison sentence as it is extremely serious.

You had sex with him consensually, there was no force or coercion used. Use this as a learning experience, don't be sexual until you have been dating a few months (or 6). Anyone just interested in sex will say ANYTHING to get you into bed, but they will rarely WAIT around. Unless they've no other options.

Get to know someone better before having sex. Especially because contraception is only 99.9% effective, you could have ended up pregnant with his child, and he isn't going to stick around is he? Think your actions through.

Two wrongs don't make a right, you have to acknowledge you were partially to blame. It's the only way to learn and grow from your mistakes. We all make them.

~ Clara

[Just JT]

ClaraWho I didn't misunderstand anything. Making an assumption that if a false accusation led to an arrest, those things would happen. And is also very common, especially with male on younger females. In the country I live in these things would happen. Not sure about others.

[ClaraWho]

ClaraWho I didn't misunderstand anything. Making an assumption that if a false accusation led to an arrest, those things would happen. And is also very common, especially with male on younger females. In the country I live in these things would happen. Not sure about others.

Sorry, my point was how upon investigation her statement would crumble due to lack of evidence, and the presumable lengthy amount of messages he has saved on his phone. Not to mention friends statements, photographs, CCTV and other references.

Due to this she's actually the one who would end up with a criminal record as he didn't actual break the law. It's not illegal to be worthless trash unfortunately.

~ Clara

[jamie_n5]

He sounds like one of those jerks that just wants an other notch on his bedpost. There are to many of those kind of guys. They sweet talk and woo you so they can sleep with you. After they get what they want they move on to there next victim. I feel so bad for you. Sex to me is a very special thing to be shared by someone you love or are very close to. It's too bad that a lot of guys only think with their little head in stead of there big head. I hope that you can get over the hurt that this jerk did to you. I think it best to let it just go. I understand how you feel. Your sex was completely consensual so sorely you really don't have a sexual assault case.

[everlong]

Unless I misread, he didn't sexually assault you. You willingly slept with him. Don't press charges.

[Ben7]

The best thing to do is move on and probably get to know the next guy better before you have sex with him just so that you can gauge more adequately where he stands with you. From what you said it seems you agreed to it so you can't really claim it was assault. I'm sorry this happened to you! I wish you all the best looking forward.

[Uniquemind]

Ultimately you consented to the sexual acts, so just like that lawyer's website says, unless it turns out the sex act you did with him exposed you to sexually transmitted infections, pregnancy and you can prove he sabotaged the condom with direct hard evidence (meaning no inferences or assumptions), then you do not have a case.


Also take into account that going to court costs a lot of time and money and you will not be treated kindly during cross-examination, and there will be no sympathy to your emotional distress.

If you can do these things then surely take him to court.


If you cannot do the above, do not take this to court.

I also advise you get yourself tested for every sexually transmitted infection/disease possible to test for.

If the man is over 18 and you were a minor in your country, then you might also have a legal case.

I do not subscribe to the above posts that are implying you should not do anything because the male might face consequences. If he faces consequences and his life is ruined then his life is ruined, that's his problem.

ClaraWho brings up very valid perspective on this matter. So again if you lack the evidence to prove a crime was committed do not pursue legal help.

Also be aware lawyers get paid either way whether or not they win you a case, so take into account that if you lose, then you might owe them a lot of money.

[Tesserax]

Sometimes I really feel what they say, is true. Girls are stupid. We just fall for any guy who speaks sweetly and is a bit concerned about us. Well, I did, and I fell real hard. I really fell for him when he said that he likes me a lot and I'm different and I belong to the list of special people in his life. Well, aren't those the sweetest words a girl would love to hear. And not just that, he said that he can't imagine a day without me in it. He feels real empty, the days I don't speak to him or we don't get to see each other. And so I fell for him, believed all that he said and did all that he asked me to. And I lied to my best friend and every other people I love and went out with him to a beach trip all alone. And yes I slept with him there. I thought he was the guy, my perfect love. And the trip was really romantic until we reached back home. Right after we came back, he stopped talking to me or chatting with me. He started avoiding me and didn't even reply to any of my messages. When I met him directly and asked him what was going on, he said that he was never looking for a serious relationship and probably I got too much involved in it. I mean, what does that mean? Was all this just to get me in bed? I am so furious that I want to charge up a case of sexual assault on him. And check this out, according to the law, I can do that. http://www.torontodefencelawyers.com/practice-areas/sexual-assault/ What do you guys propose? Should I do it or not. Cause I believe, he deserves a good punishment for what he did. But then I feel that there was mistake on my side too. Cause I believed him too much. And more than that, filing a case against him, would cause me a bad name too. :( What do I do? Please advice.

I want to apologize on behalf of all the actually kind males in the world. It's a shame that so many assholes abuse emotions to manipulate women into sex, it's heartbreaking to hear that it happens so often.

But please, don't be disheartened, don't think that anybody who is nice, caring, or sweet is out to manipulate you into having sex. I've heard of many cases where the trauma from such an event changes someone in this way, and it hurts to heart that they can't trust kind people anymore, because they do not know who is sincere and who is not.

Instead I request that you simply be careful, look for the signs and try to see if somebody is telling the truth. If somebody is going all out, if it seems a little too sweet, a little too much icing on top of the cake, it is more likely than not sweet talking. As a guy who considers myself a hopeless romantic, I have never gone so far so quickly. Personally, if I really like a girl I will try to get to know her really well. I love hearing about all of your flaws, your hopes and dreams, your darkest secrets, nightmares, and fears. If I truly love somebody, then I love everything about them, and I will express this. Something general like "You belong to the list of special people in my life" means nothing unless he knows you really well and is already really close to you. The worst I've done was say to a girl that she's different, that I think she's special, but I never told her that she means something to me because I didn't know her all too well yet. Even now, I don't know if she knows I like her, or how much I do, but I've been talking to her. Every half week or so we chat a little, exchange words on how it's been for us.

tl;dr
Don't fear nice men, some of us are actually sincere and want to be with you for real. Just be careful when a man says all the right things, tells you that you mean something special to him, that you've done something to him in any way, because it more often than not also means he wants you to do something for him. If a man simply says that you're amazing and compliments you without reference to himself, I feel it's more likely that he is sincere and means what he says.

However, this is all open to interpretation, so don't quote me on that or take my word as law. Just don't be disheartened, simply more careful when dealing with people.

I hope all goes well for you :)